Going to sound awful

[motherofboys]

So as most of you know I've been getting A LOT of boy guesses on my 12 week scan. I feel like I've had my 20 week scan and been told 100% boy. I've actually been in tears today which I know is stupid, but even researching nubs that have looked like one and turned out to be another I still feel like I'm just kidding myself and its a boy.
The problem is I don't feel I'm bonding yet with this baby, all I could do at my scan yesterday was look for gender clues, I didn't enjoy the scan like I should have done. I'm worried that when I do know the gender if it is indeed a boy I still wont bond! I keep saying I will love it whatever, but I'm scared I wont, at least not at first.

I had post natal depression after my 2nd son, not because he was a boy because I really wasn't bothered with him, or even with my 3rd son (who I didn't get depressed after)
I know post natal depression comes in many forms but for me I didn't bond with my son, I didn't love him or want him, in fact I hated him! Now I love him just as much as I do the others, but it took until he was 2 years old for me to feel truely bonded to him and that he was my son rather than a child I was looking after.
I'm really scared that I wont bond again just because the baby is a boy and I'll end up back where I was 5 years ago. I really can't go through that again.
And its shown me that I can't not find and have a surprise at the end or I'd be even worse.

 

[maybebaby3]

it's hard. I am hoping I can now move on and bond with my son now I know he's a boy. I feel I am grieving for the daughter I haven't had this time. You've still got hope that you're having a girl and even if it is a boy I'm sure that you will bond with him especially as the pregnancy progresses and you feel him more. Sometimes I think all the gender sites bring lots of false hope. They all said girl for me. Also most people I know said 'girl for sure' it's made the blow harder now.

 

[embeth]

I am sure IF its a boy once you set your eyes on him and hold him in your arms you will feel that bond. Its natural to have those worried if you have your heart set on a girl. Although my feelings were not as strong as yours for me once I started feeling my little man moving (the same day I found out he was a boy number 3) I really let go of any disappointment I had over not getting a girl and feel a genuine bond now. Hope things work out as you want xxx

 

[marina294]

i did to i felt like i couldn't enjoy my pregnancy till i knew but i had stonewall girl guesses on my nub so knew deepdown. i felt numb after i found out and i just keep talking about her in convo with hubby using the name we have picked for her and i am getting excite for her. looking at cute outfits helps. and the other day i saw 2 girls together on a train chatting and singing with each other and it made my heart melt. i know my situation is different as this is only my second. but you will love him. there is still a chance this could be your girl as like i said on another pic i dont think the pic of the nub is that clear. good luck and thinking pink for you x

 

[motherofboys]

The more time I spend looking at pics on line the more convinced I am I will never have a girl. Even when I see one that looks like mine thats girl theres another that looks like mine thats boy.

 

[embeth]

If I was you I know I would try and not look at too many pics (I know its hard I was terrible for it!) it starts to consume you and is all you can think about if you spend too much time looking. There will always be girl/boy examples of pics like yours and it can drive you mad! Are you having an early gender scan? If you are then thats normally 16 weeks, so only 4 weeks and you will know!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'd really try not to look at nub shots anymore, I know its hard (I did it obsessively for a while!) but either way you will cause yourself more stress. If they look like yours and are girly it will probably get your hopes up more, and if they're boyish you'll just feel depressed! Is there anything you can do to distract yourself for a while? Sounds ridiculous but maybe a hobby like knitting or something, to do instead of getting on the computer looking at nubs?
I don't have any advice r.e bonding and post natal depression but I really hope it doesn't happen to you again

 

[motherofboys]

I was going to take the boys out today to this lunch time cafe style thing that they have at the church, but because the scan was 9:15am yesterday then we went straight from the hospital, had lunch then went to the cinema the boys just wanted to stay home. I knew I should have gone out LOL
I'm going to try not to look at any more. I was trying to convince myself and prepare for a boy anyway so I guess at least this way I am fully expecting a boy and can get used to the idea quicker.
I have booked a scan on the 7th of May but was considering cancelling it

 

[maybebaby3]

Step away from google! I managed to convince myself I was having a girl thanks to googling but no it's a boy. What will be will be. It's made things worse for me. I wish I'd just relaxed and not obsessed over all things pink!