Grandparent Overstepping Boundaries

[gmarieexo]

Hey! This if my first post on this forum. I've actually never done one of these before, but I need some advice from other people who are going through the same thing. So here is a little background on my situation.

I have a 5 year old child from a previous relationship and became a single parent shortly after he was born. My mom was always there for me to help me with him as I used to live with her. 3 years ago I met my current partner and decided to move in together so I moved to a different state with my son. During the past 3 years my mom has done certain things that make my partner feel as if she isn't seen as part of the family. I have tried my best to "keep the peace" so to speak, but haven't been able to. Recently, just yesterday actually, my mom brought my son back from spending the weekend with her and she informed me that my son asked about his father and that she took it upon herself to show him a picture of him. I was angry I couldn't believe she would do such a thing without consulting me or my partner. My partner was also really upset because she didn't sit down with the both of us to tell us she only spoke to me away from her to tell me the situation.

This relationship between my mom and my partner has been rocky for way too long and I don't think anything is going to change about it. My partner continues to feel like she is an outsider and has expressed to me that she doesn't know how much longer she can take before she breaks and doesn't want to continue to feel that way. I have tried speaking to my mom about her overstepping her boundaries before with no resolution. She baby's my son and yells at me in front of him when I am disciplining him. She undermines me and my partner's authority constantly. I am constantly stuck in the middle because I want my mom to be happy, but I don't want her to think she can continue to act the way she does. I also want my partner to be happy and myself and my son.

HELP!! Any advice would be appreciated. I could post more information if that helps. I just don't know what to do at this point. My relationship with my partner hasn't been the best lately and a part of it is because of my mom and my family.

 

[KylasBaby]

Tough one. On the one hand your mother did help you out a lot when you needed it, but on the other you no logger need it and have a new family unit that needs to be respected. If your mother isn't going to respect this new family unit you have you'll probably have to make some consequences. It's probably hard for her as if she helped you a lot she probably felt like a parent to him and now you don't need her to anymore. If she isn't going to respect the boundaries you all have you have to do something else. I know personally if someone didn't respect my boundaries and did things like that they wouldn't see my child. Not saying forever, but there would definitely be a period I wouldn't allow contact so they got the message that what they did is not okay and will not be tolerated.

There might not be a way to make your mother or family accept your partner, but that doesn't mean they get to disrespect her place in your or your son's life. At this point you really shouldn't be trying to make your mother happy. This is YOUR child. Not hers. You are in charge of discipline and setting boundaries and sharing certain information with him. Not her. Your mother probably isn't going to respect her place if you allow (not saying you are, but by not having any consequences she will continue the behavior) her to do these things. You need to stick up for your partner by making consequences for your mother if she oversteps.

Your mother had her time as a parent. Now it's your turn. She is the grandparent and as such she has to go through you for access to your son. If she is doing things you don't like or agree with it might be time to cut off some access. If she values your son she will change her behavior to be able to see him again.

Sorry you have to deal with this