Grieving and pregnancy

[Nataliieexo]

I lost my mam this morning at the age of 41 shes been unwell for a long time she had been in a coma on life support three weeks ago for the second time in 4 years pulled through she came home friday and fell and broke her hip and collerbone on sunday she was doing ok but yesterday she took ill they diagnosed her with pneomia sorry dont know how to spell and stayed with her over night they did not tell us this and my grandma was not notified til this morning when they realised she was deteriorating. My grandma was called at 7.10 by the time she had got there at 7.30 she had passed away, they said she just went to sleep, it just happened like that i was not expecting any of this from a broken hip!

I went into see her this morning cried all over her kissed her etc i wont ever forget how she looked :'(
Ive cried on and off all day and now i am terrified to go to sleep, i am scared of turning out the lights, even with the lamp on i feel uneasy. I just dont know how i am going to get some sleep i dont know why i am terrified of it, oviously im gona need the sleep

 

[hfm5110]

Oh dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though she hasn't been well, it's still a devastating loss.

You might be surprised at how exhausted you are and your body will take over and do what it needs to - which is rest. Try and concentrate on the little bean growing inside of you and take it one day at a time. XX

 

[eris]

Aw, I'm so very sorry for your loss. That's heartbreaking. But please try and rest. I know how upsetting and scary it is. I felt that way after my brother died. I wasn't pregnant at the time, but had a 2 year old and 1 month old. It's an awful time, but try and rest!

 

[OnyxSnowfall]

Can't imagine what you're going through. I lost my father last year to cancer (he was young) on November 11th and having that date roll by was bad enough.

People try to say "at least they aren't suffering anymore, it's just those of us who've been left behind who are" and perhaps that's true, but it's still a lot to deal with. My only advice is to allow yourself to grieve (stress can build up into anxiety attacks but crying will release some of the cortisol) and then try to think of the good memories

Leave the lights on if it makes you feel better. You'll fall asleep when you're able to.

One thing at a time...

 

[Misscalais]

Oh my goodness, I'm so very sorry. I can't even imagine the grief you must be feeling right now.

 

[calibelle]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my own mom at 39 just a year ago. I wasn't preggers then but finding out about the baby has brought it all to the forefront.

All I can say is allow yourself to feel sad, mad, happy or whatever! Don't use the energy to hold back. Allow others to take care of you, this is one of the times it is acceptable to ask for anything you need.

Try to get some rest, remember to eat even if just a little.

 

[daynzee]

im sorry for your loss..they often say..when one is taken..another is born..my son was born on my grandfathers 2nd aniversary of passing and he has soo many traits that he had..
we had a loss in my extended family last night too..but she was only 32..

stay strong and remember that you do need to rest for you and bubs..you are allowed to grieve as that was your mam but remember to look after yourself too..take some time when you need it and dont be afraid to ask for help x

 

[george83]

I'm so so sorry I don't even know what to say, you must be going through a living nightmare. I know it doesn't even compare to what your going through but I lost my grandad and my gran within 10 days of each other when I was 10 and 12 weeks pregnant and I think the body naturally protects your baby so just focus on you and do what you think feels right, thinking of you lots x x

 

[bettybee1]

Am really sorry for your loss ,

What you describe is completely normal if you feel you arnt coping I would goto your gp they can give bereavement counselling xxx

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I am so sorry for your loss.

XXX

 

[MissingBubs]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I think that if the sleep thing continues then perhaps a trip to your GP? Grief is an awful and unpredictable thing and this is all brand new for you. It may be that you need some medical advice whilst you come to terms with your tragic news. There will be an element of shock to deal with too.
My thoughts really are with you. Xx

 

[Nataliieexo]

Thank you for your kind words, i did manage to get some sleep, i feel all numb today like i havent cried yet, i think because i cant wrap my head around the fact shes not here and i am not going to see her again and shes been in hospital quite a bit because she was ill then broke her hip i'm just going to feel like shes in hospital still. I dont think i can do life without her to be honest i never dreamed it would happen like this, not this fast, not without being able to say goodbye, oh wait now i'm crying, i dont want this to be the end people keep saying at least shes not in pain or suffering now but i dont find comfort in that because i want her here and i know she didnt want to leave us she fought on and proved that to us and its eating me up knowing she was just with nurses when it happened and not us, and then i cant get the image of her lifeless body in that bed, and how cold she was and how she looked :'( x

 

[bettybee1]

Oh hunnie it's awful thing too go through was she only 41 as well or are you 41 ?

Am a nurse and I would find comfort that the nurses will have been there with her and they will have talked too her like family would of done we get trained too do it when family arnt. Present

Me personally as a nurse get quite emotional when someone passes just as I would of it's my family , others don't but there will have been a nurse be special skills for her last breath

I know it's not the same but my grandma passed last year of septis it was a shock and when I saw her after she passed I never got the image out off my head and I started with bad panic attacks & anxiety it was horrible I just couldn't justify the way it had happened she had been in hosptial with a. Different issue , she was supposed too be getting better then it happend !
I hope your okay I really do but once you have got thought the next couple off weeks I would visit your gp for extra support xxx

 

[Nataliieexo]

No she is 41 i am 23 too young to be losing my mam, i do find comfort in it but i just wish she could have held on the extra 5-10mins for my gran to be there, i spoke to the nurse who was with her all night she said she talked about us all night and she deteriorated so fast they didn't think it would happen, she said she didnt think that she knew she was going to die and she went peacefully, i will visit my gp she was well known to them i'm sure they will be able to help me, i think i'll be like this for a very long time if not forever xx

 

[pinkpolkadot]

Oh my goodness I am so sorry you poor thing I hope you can get some rest

 

[pandi77]

I'm very sorry your mom passes without your being able to be there that must really hurt. It must feel like a whirlwind of emotions for you right now I can't imagine. Big hug to you and I hope each day gets a little easier for you hun.

 

[xdxxtx]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. My sweet angel mother in law passed away when I was pregnant with our first baby. It was hard for both of us,... But the baby was fine. Yours will be, too, and he/she has an angel looking over them now. Best of luck in everything you do. I can only offer you hugs from afar and let you know that I will keep you on my positive thoughts and hoping for the best for you.

 

[bubblz82]

So sorry for your loss. Take care for your little one. You have to rest. I am sure her memory will live on through your baby. X

 

[tl682]

So sorry to hear this. Nothing will replace your mom. But, you can try to progress in this pregnancy the way your mom would have wanted you to. Hugs.

 

[Nataliieexo]

Thank you, its so hard, i keep thinking i should have been with her the minute she fell instead of making her stupid cup of tea, i could have made sure she was sat down or helped her to were she was going to, i read on google the second she feel that you could contract pneumonia from breaking your hip, i remember thinking shes survived two comas, the broken hip might be the end for her, and i was right :'(

I dread the funeral absolutely dread it, its going to be a million times worse then because at least til then i can visit her at the chapel of rest once the funerals done i wont be able to see her again :'( i miss her so much and i know deep down it hasnt even hit me properly yet so i have no idea how i will feel when it really hits me x