:( Grr...

[dustbunny]

I already ranted about this in 3rd tri but felt I wanted to share with you ladies on this forum as the majority of you know the whole backstory and I really love your words of wisdom/insight and support.

So... this morning went so well, no letter in the post. Went off to do training at work, came home and this afternoon I get a delivery of flowers and a card. It simply said "beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl from ?" or something along those lines... nothing about the baby at all.

he hasn't contacted me since I phoned him to include him on boxing day. Never phoned at all during the whole pregnancy asking how the pregnancy is going, how the baby is etc. What is more I said me and him were done at the end of October/beginning of November after waiting for him to try and sort himself out since I broke up with him at the beginning of August.

I snapped and I phoned him. I asked why would he send me flowers when he won't even contribute towards his daughter. How after the shitty letter he sent me I phoned to include him and he never got back to me? How I am out of line asking for money from him for his daughter... to which he said he had never said that. I have written proof to the contrary.

He said he sent me an email day after boxing day and last week... well I never received any emails from him at all... I blocked him for a couple of weeks end of Jan but unblocked him again as I thought that was childish... in whatever case the emails would have been forwarded on to my mum... who has received nothing. I asked why he never phoned me, or my mum, or my sister or facebooked my sister to which I was met with more excuses. I told him to grow up, if we meant that much to him he would have bent over backwards.

So now I am selfish and materialistic again and no... he hasn't stressed me out, it is my fault for taking everything the wrong way. I feel really bullied, like I have to go back out with him and now after it has all sunk in I feel really down and stupid and like I have done something wrong.

I hate him so much and want nothing more to do with him at all, he is like a poison.

 

[peapod11]

what an insensitive pig!!!! as if he sent flowers and a card expecting everything to be ok when he hasnt bothered for so long... i think the same as u these apparent emails are prob an excuse because he knows he was out of line for not bothering... my fob done simliar when i moved out, i left, he sent no message to see if i was safe, where i was staying if i was ok for a whole week, bearing in mind he knows i have no family here which made his lack of caring worse. then a week later i popped round to his after i finished work to get my mail knowing that he would still be at work and not be home for hours later, nope there he was at home signed off sick because of all the stress (like he was the one pregnant and homeless) he said to me, " i sent you a message the other day why didnt you reply" to which i said "no you didnt so dont lie, you havent bothered at all" to his reply "well i thought i did" these men made me so angry, the stress and heart ache they cause to us when we are pregnant and ditched, but we are the ones that are out of order.
keep your chin up, dont let him made you upset, he is the fool, and you done the right thing by ringing him and having it out with him.

xxxx

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

manipulative, creeping *******!! Sorry, but thats all that sprung to mind when reading that xx

 

[BadassMom]

I hate how men think they can totally win you back by doing one tiny nice thing after all the shithead things they've done, as if that erases all the hurt they've caused!

 

[MommaAlexis]

Darling, you're gonna be a MILF. Go wiggle your new found HOT curves and see how many men drool. Might put things into perspective. We don't need men that won't stand up for their kids, and we don't need men who try to manipulate us!

 

[dustbunny]

He just sent my sister a message on facebook... facebook of all things... basically implying how I am lying and how amazing he is and obviously, again, written with the aid of his mother.
He said that he didn't message her before because it has always been between me and him... he has never bothered and that never stopped his mother involving herself. He also said could she pass the message on to me as apparently phoning me would not solve anything... so passing messages onto me is much better!!
He said he "knows how hard I work, Laura says she has 3 jobs. She so says hates me"... well I do have 3 jobs and there is no so say, I do hate him. He also explained how he has text me but obviously his phone has not been working.... same excuse since August... if my phone was that unreliable I would have sorted it out long before now.
He also said he knows I don't want to be with him... so why send me the flowers?? Why try and bully me into going back out with him?? He also said again to her how it was all meant as a nice gesture but it is me who has blown it out of proportion.

I asked him to leave me alone but he just won't. And now I feel like he is trying to manipulate my sister against me, which won't work. I can't win. I knew he was pathetic but this seems an all time low on his part.

 

[dustbunny]

I've calmed down a bit now. Thank you lovely ladies for listening to me complain again. I'm just so angry at him.

 

[teal]

I'm glad you've calmed down since you first posted You've not blown it out of proportion, you have every right to be angry. I can't believe he had the cheek to send you flowers. Really wonder what goes on in some of their heads.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to let him stress you out and ruin the last few months of your pregnancy. My ex tried something similar when I was around 32 weeks and it just stressed me out and upset me - enough that my blood pressure was up at my midwife appointment around that time.

xx

 

[dustbunny]

The flowers weren't even really for me, just to ease his mind into thinking he had done something. Flowers might have solved the problem back in August/September but not now and to say he knows I don't want to get back together and still do it at this stage is rather weird.
The thing is he hasn't even phoned the entire time to ask about access or anything after the baby and when I have previously tried talking to him about it all he ignores it, saying we'd talk about it later.
It is like dealing with another child but one who can not grasp at all that they have done wrong and continue to move forward in their own world. I still can't get over the message he sent my sister. I don't even have a right to feelings etc in his eyes, it's all "so say..." "she says..." etc.
I just don't get why he didn't bother to phone or contact me directly, why play silly games. I told him to grow up and to stop making excuses but he just wont.

Feel really really down today. Not cool

 

[teal]

It's not your fault and you're not selfish. If anyone is selfish it's him.

It's childish and looks like he is just trying to get to you by messaging your sister. If he really wanted to sort things out with regards to access plans etc then he should be picking up the phone to phone you. Even if hisphone wasn't working he should have foubd a way to contact you. I hate when they think they can leave it for months on end and randomly swan in.

I think he has to make a decision because coming in and out you and your daughters life really can't go on, especially once she's here. It's just going to cause so much hurt and disappointment. Why can't they just grow up and do the right thing?

It is weird he sent flowers while saying he knows you don't want to be with him. It's as though he's forcing it on you and not really caring about what you want.

Sending you massive hugs xx

 

[Lemonflower]

He is such a tool ! I hate him for you after everything you said !

xxx

 

[Laura2919]

seems he is trying to focus on winning you back with paying no mind to the bubs!

Well done to you though because you know what you want and your trying your best..

 

[MumToBe2012]

Urgh you're better off without him

 

[dustbunny]

I have just had enough, comparing the message to others I know he has sent... it wasn't constructed by him so I am guessing his mother had a hand in it. It annoys me because he has the opportunity to express himself when we talk ... then instead waits till way later and replies with a stinging message. And as mum pointed out, he says he has a job now [hmm!] and has saved money... but he just says it, never does anything about it... if it had been the other way around I would of been on the phone "yeh, got a job etc etc..."
I have made the decision for him, I told him to F off and I am sticking to my guns this time. I refuse to be the one to feel bad when I am ultimately protecting my daughter from an emotional bully/stress maniac. He is done completely.

Thank you ladies so much, can not express how much you all mean to me.

 

[Laura2919]

Good girl! you know what you want and your going with it. That's good. Just ignore him and maybe he will give up.

 

[BadassMom]

That's bullshit he tried to get to you through your sister. I can't stand when guys try to use other people to get to you. My FOB's sister repeatedly called me the night we broke up just to bitch me out, and say what a horrible person I am. I would never think to call one of my siblings up and ask them to call FOB and bitch him out. That's just childish and tacky.

 

[MumToBe2012]

If my FOB tried to get through my brother to get at me, I'd be seriously angry. He sounds really immature, he sounds like he thinks it's all a game and doesn't realise that there's a child involved. He reminds of being at school when you'd fall out with someone so you'd start taking sides/convince people to be on your side. He must have some boring life if his main aim in life is to turn your own family against you.

 

[dustbunny]

Just a little update... I have heard nothing... no emails, texts and definitely [and most disappointedly] no phone calls. All be it I did not reply to his message via my sister I thought he would have had the courage/decency to phone me to follow it all up and to actually actively contribute towards what I have paid as he made a big deal of mentioning he had money in his message... nothing.
I know I have said it before but this is the last time I will wait for him, I really can't do this anymore to myself... the hoping he will do something to sort himself out. So I was just going to leave it all now, 100000% move on.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Good!

 

[teal]

Sound slike you're doing the right thing xx