Grrr annoyed......Xmas pressies

[Boomerslady]

Sorry to come on here constantly moaning. But I don't have many friends left now days and I need somewhere to vent!!

Me and my OH are currently living off my overdraft. I'm only about £200 into it, but I was hoping I'd be back up to 0 by tge time LO gets here.

I had a chat with my OH earlier and we agreed to ask our families if we could have cash for our main gift this year, as it's we have bills to pay etc.

My mum was fine with this, she usually gives me £100 for a main pressie and then buys me other little things like shampoo, chocolate etc. So she said she'll give me a cheque for the £100 to help out (I know it's not the point of Xmas but at the moment I can't afford not to ask!)

I can't ask the same of my grandparents as they like getting me something, so I've asked for a new freeview box, as mine keeps playing up (and I thought it was something practical for the flat)

Well my OH just got off the phone with his Mum. She's refused to give us any cash. She said Xmas is about pressies and she's not happy giving us money. I see her point, but now I'm pissed off as I'm only gonna get a few bits for Christmas, whereas I think he's getting an xbox 360 and more.

Am I right to be annoyed??? I'm just so wound up that she won't help out. She offered us a loan, but that's not the point!! I'm trying to get out of debt.

My only solace in all this is that it's my OHs birthday in Jan, and as she won't give him money, he's going to see if she'll take us to the cash & carry she's a member of. That way we can stock up on loo roll, washing liquid etc etc (oh and some fags for my OH) at least that way it'll be saving us money on stuff we need.

Sorry for the rant, and that it seems selfish, but I just wanted to mske sure we weren't in debt when the baby is here.

 

[bekkie]

Not wanting presents isn't at all selfish, we've requested the same thing, and that if people feel the need to purchase something.. it has to be for LO (and not just a cute toy that he'll use a year from now... diapers, etc, things we need!) and we've already told everyone that we're not buying presents, because money is already too tight.

IMO getting something like an xbox right around the birth of your baby is pretty useless... when will he have time to play it? and then you have to spend more money getting games... and xbox live... and accessories...

Think if you asked for gift cards she would take that better than asking for cash directly? then you could get gift cards for places that you'll need to shop and indirectly it will help get you out of debt.

good luck

 

[anothersquish]

Well I see both sides. I know what its like to be tight on money and we very cautiously asked for specific things for christmas from all our family (except OHs parents as they are formally disowned..woohoo!) rather than cash. It may be an idea for him to suggest to his mother what you still need for the flat, new dishes? Towels? coffee table? anything that she can go out and buy but that will also be useful...unlike an Xbox....tbh that would irritate me, those things are expensive and worthless, just encourages people to sit on their backsides and do nothing, plenty of other things she could spend her money on for the benefit of her son rather than encourage him to continue to sit with no job slobbing about!!
Try and see if you can steer her gently towards things you NEED for the flat or baby as christmas pressies rather than silly luxuries like Xboxes and games. If you cant you cant but worth a go.

Meant to say on the other hand I can see why she may not want to give cash, I wouldnt give people cash as presents.

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks I was worrying I came across as a right selfish moo!

No she won't get gift cards, I suggested ot but she said she wants to get him something he'll enjoy.

I'm just so annoyed....why should he get something nice?? Also he's meant to be looking for work....I don't think an xbox will help the damn situation.

I might suggest if she wants to spend that much, getting us a computer as we don't have one. It'll mean I'll have to pay for a phone line and broadband, but it'll be more useful than an xbox!!

 

[Boomerslady]

Anothersquish - problem is we don't need anything for the flat!! I went and bought everything we'd need!!! Hence why I'm in debt (altho I did get cheap stuff from Argos etc)

I think the computer idea might be best.....at least that way we can both use it. I'll get him to bring it up soon.

 

[QTPie]

Families, hey?

No, I don't think that you are being selfish at all - I think that you are being incredibly sensible... . So many people get themselves into more debt around Christmas, but you are REALLY focussed on trying to get out of debt and get the essentials for your baby and be prepared for birth (i.e. stocking up on household essentials). You are a star

I do see your OH's Mum's point - she wants to "spoil her little boy at Christmas" (especially if she thinks that he can't afford these little luxuries himself at the moment). But it is a REAL shame that she can't see how amazingly sensible you are both being and support that decision....

Try getting your OH (alone) to have another word with her: make it clear that it is a joint decision (that he VERY much supports) and that although you appreciate her VERY generous gesture, could she please give you something more practical? Maybe something for the baby or, as someone else has suggested, gift cards (that you can use to buy things for the baby and/or other essentials)...

Good luck

QT

 

[flower01]

you would of thought you were doing her a favour, saving her going out buying a random gift and one he probably wont want or need anyway.

hmmm tricky.
you could be devious and get him to ask for some expensive item of clothing and then when xmas is over take it back and get the money! lol
but then if she pays on a debit/credit card your stuffed.

maybe try again and speak to her?
xxxxxx

 

[BumpyButtons]

My mum is buying us a joint present as we are a couple, not separate ones. Last year we werent living together so we got separate pressie.

This year we are getting a filter kettle and a steamer which benefits us both.

I really think she should buy you a joint pressie but tryin to suggest this to someones mum i would find impossible! i hate asking for anything as it is

 

[Boomerslady]

Last year she got me a hairdryer (but only because as I wasn't living there properly I kept having to borrow hers when I stayed over!!)

I doubt she'll get me anything this year. If she offers tho I'll just get something for the baby.

Thanks QT I will get him to speak to her again. She's said no to gift cards, and I think she's planning on getting the baby something anyway....so we can't even compromise on that!! I think a cheap computer is our only option!! It's not a necessity but it will help us both.

Using the Internet on my phone is starting to drive me mad!!

 

[jenny82]

Personally I think its your MIL who is being incredibly selfish. Is her son 12? No, hes a grown man with a family on the way... She should be thinking about what his family needs, not games!

I would go with what another poster suggested, and get OH on board with you, and get him to talk to her. If he tells her that he doesn't actually want an Xbox, maybe she'll listen to him instead of you. He needs to stand up to her and say 'actually, what I need is a microwave' (for example!!)...

 

[purpledahlia]

yeah i agree an xbox is a completely stupid idea, thats the kind of thing a student would want or a teenager, What about him asking for nice new digital camera so you guys can take lots of snaps of the baby?? shes a bit of an unreasonable woman we know that already but at least your out her house, A computer or a camera would be your best bet i think! x

 

[Boony]

I think asking for a computer is a good idea! Then he can go on the job centre website everyday to look for a job! lol

 

[anothersquish]

Oo I like the digital camera idea. Lots of suggestions, a computer would be a good one, something you would both benefit from (you can get online and he can job search online...hehe!) that you couldnt afford right now and possibly not for a while. It would be a great present for her to get.
Even other luxury things that are useful would be good, a new kettle, a fancy frying pan, a bread maker....masses of lists of stuff that is more productive than an Xbox.

 

[Eve]

You are not being selfish at all as you guys have a baby coming and when having debts along with that, it can be super stressful! My parents normally buy us things we want/need etc.. and I told them for this year baby stuff would be great and I mentioned a new cam as mine is getting pretty unreliable. Most people would want to give cash or gift cards etc.. with a baby coming though :S Odd she wouldn't want to do that!

I would love to be able to get my OH a PS3 as I also have a 7 yr old who would like to play it too, but even with family helping out on it I still couldn't afford it. Last year he went all out on me and bought me a grandfather clock I wanted real bad and surprised me with it and I feel bad and want to get him something nice Christmas is such a stressful time and we have our debts too, so I understand how you feel. Its tough! Maybe she will end up changing her mind??? If your OH talked to her and explained things maybe?? Hope things work out for you!!!

 

[QTPie]

A more practical gift (computer/camera) sounds like a great idea

It is funny, I used to always moan about my MIL always giving us money at Christmas/birthdays (because it was a bit of a cop out...), but I came to like it . Plus she has always been fair and given us the same amount

Definitely get your OH to speak to her - it is his Mum, so his problem

Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

QT

 

[suzanne108]

Get the Xbox then sell it!! lol!

Oh and get OH to quit smoking, that'll save you loads!!!! x

 

[Buffy71]

Does your oh want the x box? I suspect yes - so let him recieve it and then you can sell it on eBay after Christmas and pay the bills. He's not a kid he should tell his mum he doesn't need toys.

 

[Buffy71]

Sorry just repeated pretty much what suzanne said. Xx

 

[Boomerslady]

Lol at the job centre comment, my thought exactly!!

Of course he wants an xbox!! He understands that paying bills and having money is more important though.

He called her a bit ago (he said she was in a good mood tonight!) and asked about the computer, she didn't say yes, but said it was a goof idea and she'd look into it (I think it's as good as yes! She likes being difficult) he said he would be happy for it to be a joint birthday and Xmas pressie tho, so that might sway things.

Fingers crossed!

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Tbh, I can appreciate why some people would be funny about giving money for Christmas. She only has her son and at Christmas she probably gets a lot out of spoiling him, that doesn't help you but then I don't think you should really be expecting anything... it's not really about being obliged to give things to people, not really the spirit of things...

Anyway, I do agree than an Xbox is ridiculous and the last thing your OH needs to keep him glued to the sofa. A camera would be a wonderful idea! If she wants to spend a lot, there are some great professional style ones about for reasonable prices... think of the pictures you could take of baby for yourselves, for her, the whole family... Heck, if your OH is any good he could do a little course and go around offering in classifieds to take pics for cheap prices.