grrr my son is not a peice of meat to make a claim on

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by kes_a, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. kes_a

    kes_a Well-Known Member

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    they way certain people in our familys are going im going to end up snaping and telling everyone they can not see my son!

    as if i dont have enough proplems with the MIL trying to force a claim on my son thinking she can do what she wants when she wants with him.

    now my family are starting up to

    my aunt a few weeks ago gave me a huge lecture in a emial telling me a desision i made in my birth plan was wrong and why it was wrong and told me i had to do it a certain other way.

    now my nan has piped up and got the ump with me because i said i wasnt going to stay at hers over night on the way back to essex.she kept going on and on about it and i had to keep saying no and eventually she threw a strop and tryed telling me no one else will beable to see him if i only go there for a few hours and she wont get a proper cuddle.what is this women on?how wont you get a cuddle and why wont other family members beable to go over yours on the same afternoon?esp as they only live 15mins from her.
    she then told me she was coming to see me when id had the baby.i told her we wasnt having visitors and was going to visit people instead and she got the ump about that to and said she was just going to turn up!which she will do as she did it all the time with my mum when we was little!what makes her think she can do what she wants.does she think the same rules dont apply to her as they do everyone else?

    what is it with people that make them think as soon as you have a baby they can do what they want when they want and not give a toss what Dal and Me have decided we wanted to do.does something about a new born make them switch off and get tunnel vision as apparently their the most important people in the babys life and they can turn up and do what they want with him when they decide!

    so angry right now :growlmad: were the parents not them!its our desision about when people visit not theirs!its up to us what we do with our son not theirs!and why they seem to think other wize and throw a tantrum about it i dont no!

    as far as im consired at the mo they can all go and shove it where the sun doesnt shine!
     
  2. Biscuitbaby

    Biscuitbaby Mum of 2 boys TTC#3

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    I completly understand!! :thumbup:

    Mine and hubbys family were the same! His aunt who I only met once turned up at the hospital with family I'D NEVER MET seconds after ds was born!!! I told the midwife I didnt want to see them!:coffee:
    They then turned up at our house a few nights later and sat and watched TV until 12pm! The baby wasnt even awake and I refused to let them pick him up and disturb him! but I was missing out on valuble sleep time!
    His Granddad turned up one morning and I was bathing baby - but because I didnt answer the front door within seconds he was hammering on the door and windows?!!?!?:growlmad: sending the dog into a frenzy and making ds cry more!

    I have NO idea what goes through people minds - but because I'v been so exhausted this pregnancy and his family STILL show up when I say I'd like to rest .....I refuse to ans the door! I know it sounds harsh but I just cant deal with it all the time!
     
  3. Yazz_n_bump

    Yazz_n_bump Me, Fiancé & Jack! :)

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    :hugs:

    My family are the same! Well my side of the family are cool with it, me and OH told them once LO arrives we don't want people to visit unless they ask/tell us and give us a few days notice/or we ask them too. The only people I want around me is OH and LO and possibly my mum & dad in the first few days!
    However when we told OH's family the same they said we were being out of order and they have the right to see LO when he's born, MIL even said she wants to be in the hostipal room?!
    You just got to be firm with them and tell them to back off a little! Just tell them you want to be able to bond with your LO and your gonna feel really tired and stuff and so you don't want loads of people around.
    That or pretend to be out when they turn up at your doorstep, ;)
     
  4. Biscuitbaby

    Biscuitbaby Mum of 2 boys TTC#3

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    It's the only way!!! :happydance::dohh:
     
  5. kes_a

    kes_a Well-Known Member

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    tbh im not the most tackful of people so atm ive decided to keep my mouth shut.

    Dal and me decided we was going to go visit family and not have people visit us for this reason.we wanted to see people on our terms and for how ever long we wanted,not the other way around.and i really dont want to be cleaning the house and making people drinks and getting them food with a new born and lack of sleep.and i dont really want people coming over and doing the house work for me as i feel that would just be invading my space.

    this is also why im glad we moved and i moved hospitals.we dont live near family so they cant turn up straight away.i might evan ask hubby to wait to tell our parents until 24hrs after ive given birth.
     
  6. Biscuitbaby

    Biscuitbaby Mum of 2 boys TTC#3

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    I've got a friend who didnt tell ppl! :haha:

    I was the same running around with a hover ...making cups of tea! When I think about it now I was crazy!! :wacko: plus I was breast feeding every hr!

    I did open the door to some mates! The ones who I knew didnt care about the state of the house and made me tea!!

    I can tell you - I Wont be doing it this time I refuse!!

    A family member of mine came out of hospital and went straight on holiday to avoid it all!! ......sooooooooooooooooo tempting!

    Stick to your guns!
     
  7. joanneNbabyx

    joanneNbabyx Well-Known Member

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    this is the kinda thing im scared of:(..ive already got my boyfriends sister calling my baby HER baby, and my boyfriends mum saying that she wants my little one to have sleepovers all the time!and so much more crap...makes me feel like running away..:'(
     
  8. Biscuitbaby

    Biscuitbaby Mum of 2 boys TTC#3

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    AHhh my sister - in - law has managed to make my pregnancy all about her!?

    what the hell has she done?????
     
  9. kes_a

    kes_a Well-Known Member

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    dals work friends i dont mind for the same reason.they all have their own kids ect and are not really that bothered and genrally dont evan care if im sitting here in my pjs with make up on from the day before and dont expect to be waited on hand and foot.

    ive just told Dal i will say no to everyone if they carry on and sorry if he doesnt like it.im the one that gets all the hassel.he never has to deal or listen to it.
     
  10. kes_a

    kes_a Well-Known Member

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    the only people that havnt said a word to me or tryed to invade are my mum and sister.my sisters pregnant to so she has her own to concentrate on.but evan if she wasnt pregnant i dont think she would interfear.and tbh of all people i wouldnt mind interfearing is my mum and sister as i no they would stick to my rules and wouldnt throw a strop about something if i said no
     
  11. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    :hugs:
    Noone did it to us when we were having alex but oh my god, they came like an army when she was born, and one day tricked me into what i had thought was a visit to OHs nanas.
    Funny how EVERYONE happened to drop by at once too eh? It was awful. Every time LO woke someone grabbed her for a cuddle and made her so tired again she couldnt feed. I was surrounded by in laws and no back up, i was almost in tears.

    It was confirmed it was a set up when i got into MILs car and she said 'at least thats that over with' like she knew all along. :shock:

    Ive become stronger since so i wont hesitate to bite back, and im planning on breastfeeding so hopefully they will be reluctant to interfere with me as a new mum.

    Stand your ground. And make sure OH understands xxx
     
  12. Tanikit

    Tanikit Well-Known Member

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    I can't believe your aunt would tell something is wrong on your birth plan - how crazy is that - she's not the one giving birth!

    I am having similar issues though as far as the birth goes and have decided to go alone to the last appointment on 11 February as I want to discuss my options freely with the gynae without anyone else having their say - my mother thinks natural is best, DH thinks C-section. I am very high risk and very scared of something going wrong and need some outside help but not from such biased people who seem to care more about their own opinions then about me and baby.

    As for visiting after having DD I think they are getting the idea that they must help themselves and accept me as I am and with some training we have managed to get people to call before they arrive so that should be ok. I will not be running around after anyone who arrives - my baby and toddler come first. If they don't like it they should leave.
     
  13. Biscuitbaby

    Biscuitbaby Mum of 2 boys TTC#3

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    My mum turned up - took our dirty washing - had a quick peek at ds and left! :happydance: THAT I didnt mind!! :thumbup: ......BUT after a while she got funny that my hubbys family were turning up all the time and we hardly seen her! She didnt get it that I wasnt inviting them!!

    Honestly though hun - I really reccomend you stick to your guns!! They may be funny at 1st but they'll get the idea and comply if they ever want to see baby!

    .....another one! My other aunt was racing me home from the hospital to be here when I fist brought ds home!?!? WHY I have no idea! I stopped to see my Granddad instead! :dohh:

    :hugs::hugs:
     
  14. joanneNbabyx

    joanneNbabyx Well-Known Member

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    gosh i so know what you mean, its as if they have been the ones that have kept the baby in their belly for all these months!!:growlmad:
     
  15. kes_a

    kes_a Well-Known Member

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    oh yeh the aunt thing.i laugh now i look back at it.

    i was having a convo with friends on fb on how i really really wanted Dal to hold and cuddle our son first.Dal doesnt want to cut the cord so i though it would be a really specail moment for them both as father and son and it ment alot to me that Dal was involved.

    So a day later i recieved this email

    'I know you dont want to have bubba in yourarms then whisked away, but... the best thing for baby is to have immediate skin to skin contact with mum, just have him on your chest near your boobs, it helps their brain click into remembering to to this breathing lark. ts really important for that first moment to be with you. It really will be ok, you will want to hold him immediatly i promise you.
    Then the same with Dal, get him to sit and have babies face skin to skin on his chest, it helps baby learn dads smell too. That way he will immediatly know who mum and dad are, as in the first couple of weeks it will calm baby just to be back to skin to skin with either you or dal as he will remember that first time.'

    i just emailed back and said thanks for your in put but i think i still want Dal to hold him first

    lol its so stupid.i never had first contact with my mum and i never had a issue not knowing who she was.and i no loads of people that the fathers had first contact with the baby and have never had issues either
     
  16. kes_a

    kes_a Well-Known Member

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    yeh this is how my MIL has been to
     
  17. MumtoJ

    MumtoJ Mummy to 3 Boys

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    I know my MIL with DS talked her way into the recovery room after my C-section. This time I'm hoping that the fact that she will be looking after him if i go into labour during the night will keep her away from the hospital.

    But I know that I have to be firm and kick her out when I want her to leave as I have to do that now on a regular basis.
     
  18. momofmister

    momofmister Well-Known Member

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    I found with Ds if you let people visit you in the hospital...they are less likely to drop by the house once you are at home. if you don't let them in at the hospital they will come in droves to the house and stay as long as they wish...at least at the hospital the nurses will kick them out and there are hours for visiting.
     
  19. kes_a

    kes_a Well-Known Member

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    all mine live 2 hours away so its not like they can just pop by.
     
  20. Leanne27

    Leanne27 Mum to Olivia & Isla & TTC no 3 with new partner.

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    Oh my god, how odd!!!
     

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