half way through giving up BF and need some good words...

[beatnick]

hi girls. I dont know where else to get good words from on this matter so I decided to pop into bnb and see if you all can help.

The long and the short of it is that Im half way to my milk drying up through choice and I am feeling suddenly really messed up about it.

My first baby wouldnt latch.. and I FF (pre parenthood ive always been a bit funny about BF... not sure if i like it) so went through some pumping, a bit of guilt and moved on.

Second baby is well into BF and latched on easy. she is SUPER hungry and i didnt have a clue the pain, endless feeding and drama I would go through in the first weeks.

Ive not really enjoyed BF much... getting pretty tired of smelling of sour milk, struggling to get her to latch in the night and her never seeming very full, constantly wanting a top up. I ended up combi feeding to get a mental and physical break. Some nights I ended up thinking "just PLEASE finish feeding ... " and crying.

so yesterday I decided to stop as i just simply wasnt enjoying it. to me it was just handy not making up bottles. I didnt get much more out of it. I have friends who are so into it and literally love it. I just dont feel that way.

so ive been cold turkey since tea time yesterday and in pretty much major agony and leaking like a crazy woman. bubba is happy with a bottle and looks full and happy when she has guzzled one down.

however im sat here feeling bad for stopping. at least with zakk he gave me no choice. now i am choosing to stop.

my dh is supportive but i wouldnt say encouraging. i was sat with cabbage on my boobs earlier and he lauged and said "you would rather do that than breast feed???". i dont think he realised maybe that i now feel pretty dire.

i told him it really hurt and he said "its your bodies way of telling you to feed her". i could have cried my eyes out there and then.

i feel like this pain is punishment for giving up.

i am a rational woman... i even have advised several close friends in similar situations to bottle feed if thats what they want and encouraged them to not feel guilty.

and now look at me.



im sorry this is long... can anyone make me feel normal? im starting to feel so confused.

 

[HellBunny]

i stopped breastfeeding finley at 1 week, i felt the same, every feed i cried and prayed he would stop feeding asap, the only upside to it was no faffing with bottles, i had no idea he would cluster feed and scream from 9pm - 6am (and sleep all day) i was spending no time with my toddler and i felt no connection with finley at all when breastfeeding, o/h wanted me to continue for a few more days but i couldn't carry on, i wasn't enjoying being a mum at all.

You have done well getting to 3 weeks, i know i couldn't of continued for longer than a week.

You have to do whats best for you as a family, if you are happier bottle feeding then you do so, you have already given your LO lots of antibodies to build up her immunity xxxx

 

[HellBunny]

Our LO's have a very similar age gap also! xx

 

[Sarah27]

Aww lovely ((( hugs)))

I think your DH has spoken without thinking

I would say if your baby is happy with your decision then stick with it. A happy mum and baby = happy family.
For me it was the right decision to stop BF, I had an infection in my wound, my baby was not gaining weight and was very badly jaundiced and very unsettled... I was exhausted and was not finding it the "wonderful experience" that everyone said it would be..... and I was near hysterical every time I fed my baby as I was in agony. DH was trying to be supportive but there is nothing worse when your boobs are like rocks, your nipples are bleeding and you have a fidgety baby who won't latch on. On few occassions I was really mean to DH when he tried to "help"

The pain will ease in a few days, strap up the bad boys and try not to move too much. Have some rest, have a bath, go for a walk do something that lets you just be you and not the "mum" with the baby attached to your booby! Even if its half an hour by yourself in your room reading a magazine or a book. You will feel better for it. I had terrible guilts and thought I could re start BF again after LO had been FF for a few weeks.But to be honest it was cause I felt guilty not because I wanted to fed her myself. I expressed for a short time and that made me feel better, until DH knocked my pot of BM over and that tipped me over the edge!

Iris won't know any different when she is older and if she is happy with formula then stick with it..... its okay to feel guilty at times as we all wished it could have been different but don't let it consume you for too long.

 

[beatnick]

thanks girls. ive just been looking on the net and i think the hormone drop can make you feel messed up.

its almost a taboo to say "i didnt like breast feeding" isnt it.

ive just expressed an oz on each boob to try and avoid mastitus. im now cabbaged up watching corrie.

i think my dh has no idea what he has said. but i cant help thinking he is looking at me in a dissapointed way. which is making it all worse.

i would love to know how he would cope....

 

[beatnick]

hell bunny are you too living in this crazy eyes in the back of your head world?

i swear they discuss when to have a massive poo every day.

 

[vintage67]

Ladies, there is a lot of very well meaning pressure out there to breastfeed.

For those of us who were unable to do it, or for those that had to walk away due to chronic problems, it can be an emotional landmine.

You can't spend your whole pregnancy being told formula will make your kid obese, less smart, and sickly, and that not have some effect on you; even if you have a previous healthy child who was formula fed!

There is a sticky thread at the top of the formula section devoted to these feelings of grief. Many of the women in that thread were like myself; just couldn't produce, and others had to walk away for health or emotional reasons. It can certainly leave a woman feeling a lot of grief, anger, depression and even regret at "giving up" or "not trying hard enough", when that may not have been the case at all.

Spending a lot of time online is sometimes a bad thing as the web skews heavily towards breastfeeding it seems. Encouragement and promotion can turn ugly at times and it can be hurtful.

I don't think I will ever "get over" the pain of the loss of a breastfeeding relationship with both of my children. I am diabetic and we can often struggle with low supply, but with this last baby I had to be hospitalized for 11 days one week post partum with a uterine infection. Didn't see that coming! And when I'm out in public with a bottle, wondering in the dark corners of my mind if someone is going to throw a rock at me , I know that someone is most likely thinking I was either lazy or stupid to feed my child formula.

The irony in all of that is that I'm very supportive of breastfeeding and absolutely feel it should be the first choice for any mother if at all possible. I guess its just that having been on the side of having it go awry twice, I am sympathetic to seeing women with bottles. I also live in the US which has very short, unpaid maternity leaves, sometimes only 6 weeks. That does make it hard on women who want to breastfeed. Seems a bit unfair to attack women for early weaning under those conditions.

Anyway, this has rambled on long enough!

Sympathetic ears in the sticky at the top of the page!

 

[HellBunny]

I found it painful too, i was so engorged but my MW said it would take a few days and by day 5 they have gone down, they still sometimes leak though!
Changing/nappy time is eventful and there is never a quiet moment but i love having two! xx

 

[jenn2282]

don't feel bad about your choice. I stopped having her at the breast she had issues and it was causing me to stress and dread each feed, so i stopped. I now pump but have to combo feed as i don't make enough. i am just glad i can giver her some breast milk.

not sure if pumping is an option but it's good if you want to at least give some breast milk.

 

[Emzywemzy]

i stopped breastfeeding finley at 1 week, i felt the same, every feed i cried and prayed he would stop feeding asap, the only upside to it was no faffing with bottles, i had no idea he would cluster feed and scream from 9pm - 6am (and sleep all day) i was spending no time with my toddler and i felt no connection with finley at all when breastfeeding, o/h wanted me to continue for a few more days but i couldn't carry on, i wasn't enjoying being a mum at all.

You have done well getting to 3 weeks, i know i couldn't of continued for longer than a week.

You have to do whats best for you as a family, if you are happier bottle feeding then you do so, you have already given your LO lots of antibodies to build up her immunity xxxx

I could have written this! 10 days in and Evie is cluster feeding all night and fussing and crying and I can't spend any time with Holly. I'm going to introduce a bottle of formula after a breastfeed as of today, as it's just not working out for us. It didn't with Holly and I felt awful about it for months, but Holly is thriving after being formula fed so I won't be beating myself up over it this time! I'm proud of myself for exclusively bfing her for 10 days and it's just time for us to stop now xx

 

[beatnick]

its sooo reassuring to hear people say the reason they gave up bf was because it didnt suit their family life etc rather than having to give serious reasons.

i gave up because it just wasnt working out for me.

 

[Laucu]

Please don't be hard on yourself. You are not alone.

I BF Emma with no problems until she was 3 months old, and expected to do the same - in fact more - with Jack. I had all these grand plans to BF until he self-weaned. However, it didn't work out like that. Like you, I found myself crying and desperate for him to stop (especially at night). I felt like I was not sharing my time properly with my little girl.

I feel sooo much better about it all now that I am FF! My husband can share the feeds and it helps him to bond. He can do night feeds and give me a break and a bit of sleep.

Your boobs will be sore for a few days but will settle down eventually. Don't worry.

 

[HellBunny]

i stopped breastfeeding finley at 1 week, i felt the same, every feed i cried and prayed he would stop feeding asap, the only upside to it was no faffing with bottles, i had no idea he would cluster feed and scream from 9pm - 6am (and sleep all day) i was spending no time with my toddler and i felt no connection with finley at all when breastfeeding, o/h wanted me to continue for a few more days but i couldn't carry on, i wasn't enjoying being a mum at all.

You have done well getting to 3 weeks, i know i couldn't of continued for longer than a week.

You have to do whats best for you as a family, if you are happier bottle feeding then you do so, you have already given your LO lots of antibodies to build up her immunity xxxx

I could have written this! 10 days in and Evie is cluster feeding all night and fussing and crying and I can't spend any time with Holly. I'm going to introduce a bottle of formula after a breastfeed as of today, as it's just not working out for us. It didn't with Holly and I felt awful about it for months, but Holly is thriving after being formula fed so I won't be beating myself up over it this time! I'm proud of myself for exclusively bfing her for 10 days and it's just time for us to stop now xx

You've done so well! xxxxx

 

[Emzywemzy]

Thank you

 

[kecie]

At least you tried Breastfeeding's not for everyone, I really wanted to but I couldn't. Now I kinda prefer FF as other people can help out with feeding and stuff. Try not to feel so down about it, I know it's hard but you've got lots of support out there

 

[sweetpeaxo]

I am going through the same thing. BF was just WAY too painful for me I would dread the moment my son would wake up hungry. I would sit there feeding him and I would be in tears from the pain. I too am beating myself up over it. But, I feel that I am 1000x happier just giving him a bottle. At the moment I am pumping so I can try to save up some milk and most of the bottles I give him are EBM. But I'm also starting to introduce formula. I really wanted that bonding experience with him, but I could tell that he was stressed out and fussy and it was upsetting me. My DH seems a little disappointed that I don't wish to BF, which in a way makes me feel like a failure. But the way I see it, if I am happy and my son is happy, then I must be doing something right. He seems a lot more content with bottles than my breast. Although he still tries to find it!

 

[jenn2282]

sweetpea i'm just like you. been almost 8 weeks pumping she gets 70% breastmilk rest formula. similar story too.

 

[SabrinaKat]

I am going through the same thing. BF was just WAY too painful for me I would dread the moment my son would wake up hungry. I would sit there feeding him and I would be in tears from the pain. I too am beating myself up over it. But, I feel that I am 1000x happier just giving him a bottle. At the moment I am pumping so I can try to save up some milk and most of the bottles I give him are EBM. But I'm also starting to introduce formula. I really wanted that bonding experience with him, but I could tell that he was stressed out and fussy and it was upsetting me. My DH seems a little disappointed that I don't wish to BF, which in a way makes me feel like a failure. But the way I see it, if I am happy and my son is happy, then I must be doing something right. He seems a lot more content with bottles than my breast. Although he still tries to find it!

My LO searched for mine and my DH's breast for the first month and there was nothing there from Daddy! I think it's an instinct rather than just a mommy thing!

 

[StranjeGirl]

So sorry you are going through this and honestly don't think twice what your husband said. They can never be in our shoes and have no idea how emotional this is for us. I felt extremely guilty that it didn't work out for me. I gave it up completely at 7 weeks, and she was being 90% FF by then anyway. The funny thing is until soon before I got pregnant I had absolutely no intention of FF. I had been bottle fed, as well as my siblings and I just didn't see what the big deal was (and truthfully I still don't) Is it better for the child? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It is NOT better for the child when the mother is going through hell and hating every moment for it. Some good nutrients does not make up for emotional issues that LO picks up on. LO's pediatrician told me "In a perfect world every would breast feed and there would be no problems with it. But I'd rather see a happy FF mom than an unhappy/overtired/overstressed BF mom because that is worse for the baby" And I really believe that. In a perfect world I would be breast feeding and happy about it, but in a real world I am formula feeding and SOOOO much happier than those first 7 weeks. IN hindsight I would have given it up after one week and rested and enjoyed my time with my new baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong with FF. There IS something wrong with all those pro breastfeeders who make FFing moms feel like crap. You know what is right for your family and don't listen to anyone else!!!

 

[Bumblebee117]

don't feel bad! I breastfed my twins for 3 months exclusively and when they both clusterfed but refused to feed at the same time i was close to giving up!

I pumped once so we can go out for dinner only that one time and after my son had had this very first bottle he refused my breast and I felt ever so guilty for wanting to go out for those 1.5hours... he didnt even need that bottle - my mum just didnt know what he wanted when he cried and popped it in and he enjoyed it, my daughter never took it and is still ebf - haha and now sometimes i wish she'd take a bottle.

i now ff my son as pumping isnt an option with twins... too much going on. i sometimes mix some of my milk in with his bottles but he mainly gets formula.

i have now taken my decision on board and dont feel too guilty anymore - happy baby means a happy mommy and vice versa.

do whatever is good for you - formula nowadays is great and formula fed babies are just as happy and healthy as breastfed babies!

xx