Hand me downs

[Rachie004]

I'm probably not going to make myself sound very good here but I feel so strongly that I'm curious to how other people feel?

I'm really dreading telling OH's family we're having a baby (atm, I don't have any intention of telling mine at all) because I'm worried I'm going to have a massive influx of 'oh hey, we aren't using this anymore, have all of our stuff that we don't want anymore' or worse, FIL will randomly go buy us a pram because it's on offer (it's the type of thing he does, buys stuff because it's a good deal lol).

I don't think I'd mind stuff like baby grows etc but big items like the pushchair, nursery furniture, cot etc I really want us to choose ourselves rather than have stuff offloaded onto us - I feel like it's almost a rite of passage.

I'm hoping I'm being irrational and it won't happen but just wondering how other people feel about this sort of thing?

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

Just politely thank people and tell them you already have a ........ whatever it is.

I personally would be happy with any hand me downs because everything is so expensive and used for such a short amount of time it seems a waste not to reuse where possible.

 

[Tanikins]

To be honest id just say whst youve written

I really appriciare it but i want to pick my own pram etc. Id love tge help in buying it but please let me pick

 

[baileybubs]

^^^ I completely agree with this. Just explain that you want to choose. My MIL wanted to buy our cot for my lg so I asked if it was ok I picked it and if it was too pricey for her we could come to an agreement on what we'd each pay. As it turns out I found a great one for fairly cheap.

I do also think that hand me downs are good though too, as the pp is right, baby things can be so expensive for such a short time of use! But you definately should be able to choose your own stuff.

 

[x__amour]

With the first child, I depended on second hand a LOT so I definitely appreciate it but this time I'm in a much better situation and look forward to be able to pick things out. I would either politely tell them that you appreciate it but you've already picked out so-and-so or take what they're giving you whether it be clothes or whatnot and decide what you'd like and perhaps donate the rest. I love donating, haha.

 

[boobee]

Like others have said, just be honest. This is our first and when friends/family asked us about baby things or hand me downs we said that we wanted a cotbed brand new, a wardrobe brand new and same for a pram/travel system. We weren't fussed about hand me downs of anything else and have pretty much been given everything else which has saved us an absolute fortune! My mum actually bought us a second hand silvercross travel system and even though we wanted new, I'm glad she did as it's saved us nearly £300 and it really is in excellent condition! Don't be afraid to tell people no, they won't be offended! I've told people thanks but no thanks on quite a lot of things!

 

[Rachie004]

Great advice from everyone, thank you so much.

It's the core big items that I feel so strongly about, like the nursery furniture, bedding, pram, car seat. I don't think I'd mind so much with other things so much.

Thanks again everyone

xx

 

[Eternal]

Just what everyone else says, just say, I really have my heart set on a certain pram, cot etc, and the receive everything else gracefully lol. I think people get excited and want to help and pass on much loved items, but I totally understand you wanting your own choices etc.

 

[Pearls18]

DS was the first baby in our family and friends so I haven't had this issue (and will take note so I don't do it to others ) but if I felt comfortable enough with the person I would say thank you but we're excited to choose and have saved up or whatever, if I didn't I would lie and say I had pre-ordered everything it just hadn't been delivered yet lol.

 

[Darlin65]

I drove the hubby's family nuts with not wanting hand me downs. I didn't mind some things like his cousin giving us her breast pump and I bought new tubing at the hospital. I wasn't sure how I was going to get one otherwise. Things like car seats and clothes drove me nutty! There were so many things I wanted to do myself because this was our first. It wasn't so much that their hand me downs were in poor condition I just felt like it took the excitement of shopping for baby from me. This time I am a lot more relaxed with it. We got a car seat from his sister and I am just ordering a new cover from Chicco to match the new double stroller. DS has a lot of gender neutral sleepsacks and sleepers so we probably won't buy very many clothes this time even if it's a girl except a couple cute outfits for when we have company or go visit. We aren't even doing a full nursery. I'm taking the door off our big walk in closet and decorating it. Once LO is older the two of them can share. We only have 2 rooms upstairs and I won't sleep in the 1st floor master with them all the way upstairs.

 

[lavenderbrown]

i would love if our family and friends gave us more things, we're on a single income and would def help! you could always make a wishlist and post it on fb subtly so if they want to buy things they can purchase exactly what you want.

 

[wifey29]

I didn't want handed down "items" with my first, like cot/pram etc, but clothes came in very handy. They tend to get trashed anyway and it's fab to go up to the next size and think "I only have a few bits to buy!". That being said, I didn't use hand me down clothes for the newborn stage. There's something special about choosing your baby's first clothes. This time around we pretty much have everything so it will have all been used before lol.

 

[Amalee]

I think if there's something you feel strongly about - such as the stroller - there's nothing wrong with saying "Thank you so much for the offer, but we've actually got our eye on one already. We tested it out at the store and it's perfect for us, etc. etc."

Then if there's something that you don't really have plans for yet, like a play yard, you could just graciously accept it and wait and see if it works for you. If it does, great, and if not, just return it with a thank you and say it's too big/baby is sleeping in the crib already/whatever.

I've had a bunch of offers like that since my husband and I are closing on a house in a couple weeks. I've just said to everyone, "Thank you so much, what a nice offer. We're still trying to figure out what we'll be able to fit in each room and what colors we're going to be using though. I'd hate for you to save it for me if you're trying to get rid of that right now, but if you're hanging onto it anyway and it turns out that it's not too big for our tiny house/if it matches the ____/if we'll have somewhere to put it, we'd would love to have it!"

 

[wtbmummy]

I think you should just tell people how you feel.
I wanted to pick out everything myself too but once I had picked the cot/moses basket and even the pram I then sought out second hand on ebay and got some amazing items at a much better cost. (I actually told people some of the specific items we wanted n got my pram for £35 instead of £325)
We were given lots and lots of things from an old neighbour and the things that are not to our taste we are going to give to our parents for when the baby visits and to save us buying more stuff for their houses

 

[Lara310809]

It's not irrational and I don't think you sound ungrateful; you're right that it's a rite of passage, and part of the fun and joy of expecting your first baby. People usually only offer out of kindness, because they know that all the bits you need for a baby don't come cheap. Don't be scared to be honest though; it's important that you explain that you'd like to shop around and buy the things yourself, because it's also a good bonding thing to do with your husband.

But also say "if you want to give something specific let us know"; they might want to buy you a stroller, but will want you to like the one they get you, so they'll want your input; you're the one that's going to be pushing it around every day after all.

Just don't sound ungrateful if people do offer their old things, because one day you might find you need them, and then there may be no offers

 

[Reno]

if this is your first, just tell people you want to buy things new so you can keep them for a few babies!

 

[LadySekhmetDJ]

Hand me down clothes, I have absolutely no problems with. I have quite a few friends that are pregnant or have lots of kids that they are looking to hand off stuff. I'm the last to have the baby. Even though I'm pregnant now, I would accept 18-24 months old clothes and toys now just to build up stash.

There's certain items that you may appreciate to have hand me downs or two of. Both of our families are in East coast while we are in west coast. The extra stroller, car seats and base, clothes, etc could be useful when I go out to visit. So if you have something "extra", stash them at the grandparents' house to make it easier so you dont need to haul extra stuff when you visit.

 

[Elizabean]

My OH's cousin had a little girl about 3 years ago, and his aunt kept all of her furniture (from both the parents house and grandparents house) in pristine condition, then put it all in boxes and kept it for DH and I- she told us this before we even TTC!

Because I know its all in perfect condition, I'm ok with the cot (of course I'll get a new mattress and bedding), change table and drawers etc being hand me downs, but I definitely want to pick my own pram and car seat. Of course if you really want to pick your own I'm sure there would be no feelings hurt as long as you were up front about it. I'm sure no one wants to take away the joy of buying things specially for your baby.

On another note, I was looking through old photos with my mum yesterday and so many of my clothes were handed down from my cousin, but I remmeber loving them all so much!

 

[girlnboots]

So if you have something "extra", stash them at the grandparents' house to make it easier so you dont need to haul extra stuff when you visit.

This is exactly what we did. I accepted everything anyone could give us, boy or girl. It helped us out tremendously as our finances are up in the air at the moment. We're planning 2 more kids, so unisex stuff was great.

My brother is having a baby girl 6 months after us, so having extra stuff at my parents will work out great! We have an extra swing, pack and play, and car seat....not to mention 4 or 5 playmats.