Has any of your FOB's changed for the better after baby is born?

[MomHopes]

Do any of you all have any stories of your FOB changing or wanting to be a family after the baby was born,but didnt want that before or during your pregnancy?

Did it make any of them change toward you or his ways,maybe you all got back together,etc?

Right now I am 5 months pregnant almost.At first the father was against it,but when he learned I was going to go through with my pregnancy he asked me to be with him,and acted as if he wanted to make us work.Then we would get into arguments,he wouldnt understand my pregnancy hormones.He would be awful to me and we broke up,etc.Now he wants to be there for the child still suposedly but we are not together,and he doesnt act as if he wants to be or will.I dont see why he acted that way at first,but now is against us trying to work out.His mom seems to think he will change later,but I dont know.Perhaps I will be a single mom. But I was just wondering how many of your FOBS changed for the better,what are your stories?

 

[hancake100]

Me and fob were together for 5years untill this week.
Although we did split just before I found out I was pregnant, I was so worried telling him but I did and it all worked out and he was amazing through my pregnancy, birth and even the start of when Ellie had come along. BUT.................... now he is a complete shit bag!! He told me this week that he doesnt want anything to do with me and pretty much wants the single life with no hassle and wants to go down the messy root of solicitors etc..... if it mean not having to have contact with me and is willing not to see Ellie in the mean time untill something is set in stone (what kind of a loving father is THAT) He has never done anything for her or wants to do anything for her and there is nothing fatherly about him. The last 4months maybe 5months have been a battle where I have been walking on egg shells. He has said that he has been in this for Ellie and that he can no longer do it anymore and is being so nasty towards me I have done nothing wrong in it all and just wanted my happy little family together. I cant believe that he has felt like this and making me believe, he comes out with different things everyday and to be honest I dont even really know if he 100% knows what he wants.

But now I have to think about me and Ellie and I can no longer put up and dont have it in me anymore to play along with his games or fight for our relationship, So I have decided to let him go although I do still love him very very much I know this set up is no longer for me so have to do the right thing to suit me and Ellie.

Just do what you think is right at the end of the day, aslong as you and the baby are happy that is all that matters. It has took me to this point to realise how mucj of a selfish person he is and I have got to the point I have no choice but to walk away no matter how hard it is going to be.

I really hope you work things out hun to suit YOU But in the mean time look after yourself

 

[xxfluffyxx]

Do any of you all have any stories of your FOB changing or wanting to be a family after the baby was born,but didnt want that before or during your pregnancy?

Did it make any of them change toward you or his ways,maybe you all got back together,etc?

Right now I am 5 months pregnant almost.At first the father was against it,but when he learned I was going to go through with my pregnancy he asked me to be with him,and acted as if he wanted to make us work.Then we would get into arguments,he wouldnt understand my pregnancy hormones.He would be awful to me and we broke up,etc.Now he wants to be there for the child still suposedly but we are not together,and he doesnt act as if he wants to be or will.I dont see why he acted that way at first,but now is against us trying to work out.His mom seems to think he will change later,but I dont know.Perhaps I will be a single mom. But I was just wondering how many of your FOBS changed for the better,what are your stories?

hey girl!!
good question!! Im sorry I cant tell you "yes!! they change and can be wonderful and treat you and baby right and be supportive and caring etc!! Im in the same boat as you I guess!! waiting waiting waiting...and it sucks! you say your fob was against it at first,mine was the complete opposite,yeh shocked but COMPLETELY supportive and hands on! waiting on me night and day throughout my morning sickness which I had really bad!..then when college finished for the summer and the "novelty!" wore off abou been excited about the baby, I think he seemed to lose interest and want to be out socialising in the pub ALL THE TIME (idiot).anyway ultimatum after ultimatum and talk after talk!! like talking to a brick wall!! like yourself I asked his mother,my mother,his bro etc what they thought....know1 knows or can read his mind! if he even knows himself! I personally think and hope they just really fear the change of becoming a dad and are terrified and adapt the "out of sight out of mind"" approach with the whole thing! Its soo hard( i know) every day I spend miserable..3weeks ago I made the decision to block all contact until he is mature enough to step up to the mark and realise what he is losing/throwing away to hang out with his imature stupid mates!!I have decided neway to try and focus on me and my baby preparing etc..and at the same time hoping to god that my man of four years will copp on and come back with his tail between his legs sorry for letting his little family down! and do you know what chick?? if he doesnt(miserable as I am),I will get over it!! I willl have my bundle in my arms and a bond he will never have with our son! It will be his loss.......neway thats what I think,feel free to message me anytime! im very new to this but find there are lovely supportive ladies on here! WE ARE NOT ALONE!! try not to worry!! iv been in the same situation since 4months pregnant,cried for 4months and only now decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! try not let NE1 make the rest of your pregnancy miserable! .....good luck

 

[Pyrrhic]

No. In my experience they get worse...

 

[Abigailly]

In my experience, yes.

My OH was an arse the whole way through my pregnancy. Was excited when I got pregnant then decided he wasn't. Told me to get rid etc, I didn't. I went through scans myself, all my appointments myself, BUT me and him were still having sex but he wanted NOTHING to do with the baby, wouldn't even talk about it. Which I know was wrong but I needed attention. And I thought that was the way. At about 34 weeks we were DTD and all of a sudden the baby kicked him!!

Well after that he was fairly supportive, he was there through the birth with me and at the hospital. When she was about a month old he all of a sudden 'asked me out'. He is now the best OH (He even bought me flowers tonight!!), the best father I could ask for and we are currently in the process of moving back in together.

 

[blinkybaby]

They do say that a woman becomes a mum when she learns she is pregnant and a man becomes a father the first time he holds his baby in his arms - I'm hoping that saying rings true with my OH.

We are having a few troubles recently - I just get the feeling he's not interested at all in me being pregnant, won't talk about names, prams, shopping for baby, arrangements when it's born, nothing. I pretty much feel I am pregnant on my own but hoping he makes a positive change once the baby is here. xxx

 

[gemabee]

No. In my experience they get worse...

i'm afraid i'd have to agree.
every situation is different tho nd ur ex might come round nd be everything u want him to be.
but don't pin all ur hopes on that happenin because it may not... u need to concentrate on bein strong for urself nd ur little one.
then if somethin does happen... great... if not... u won't care!!
xx

 

[bloodbinds]

Mine got worse (if possible) started with wanting us to be a family, and has only seen Bella for 4 hours since she was born almost 10 months ago! So with my experience, i wouldn't hold your breath! x

 

[popples]

Hi,
I know it's difficult but try and enjoy the present. You will never get this pregnancy again. Remember you cannot change the behaviour of others and hoping they may change is a waste of your energy. In my opinion, his mum isn't helping matters, she should be giving him a kick up the backside rather than encouraging you to hope he will change. He may grow up and face his responsibilities but he should proove to you and the baby that he will be consistent. This on/off business is damaging to you as there is nothing worse not knowing where you stand. So my advice is you take control and tell him what will be happening and when and stick to the rules that suit your mental wellbeing. You deserve the best for you and your child and if he can't respect that now then I doubt if he will in the future.

Take Care
X

 

[scottishgal89]

Mine was better for a month or two then got progressively worse again.
He hasn't seen LO for 6months and I went to the police, stopped his contact completely

 

[Caitlin.]

Do any of you all have any stories of your FOB changing or wanting to be a family after the baby was born,but didnt want that before or during your pregnancy?

Did it make any of them change toward you or his ways,maybe you all got back together,etc?

Right now I am 5 months pregnant almost.At first the father was against it,but when he learned I was going to go through with my pregnancy he asked me to be with him,and acted as if he wanted to make us work.Then we would get into arguments,he wouldnt understand my pregnancy hormones.He would be awful to me and we broke up,etc.Now he wants to be there for the child still suposedly but we are not together,and he doesnt act as if he wants to be or will.I dont see why he acted that way at first,but now is against us trying to work out.His mom seems to think he will change later,but I dont know.Perhaps I will be a single mom. But I was just wondering how many of your FOBS changed for the better,what are your stories?

I am having the same exact thing happen with my FOB and it hasn't got any better. He will be nice to me at times but he doesn't help me with anything. I wish I knew the answer to this question. I do wonder it a lot myself if he will change once our daughter is here.

 

[lal]

I'm also in your situation...6 months pregnant, 5 months since I found out/told him, have seen him a handful of times - I don't care if he "gets better" or not, he's destroyed any trust I had in him as a friend or a father. I am sure a lot of them do conveniently come back around when the pregnancy (hard part) is over, and good for those of you forgiving enough to let them, I will not. You can't abandon somebody while they are carrying your child, scared out of their mind, then hop back in the picture when everything's alright and they've taken care of preparing for it, and try to look like a good dad, ugh. Good riddens.

 

[jenmc226]

No. In my experience they get worse...

I have to agree with this, as well.

 

[Sandie_Cali]

It is a constant yo-yo and spiral downward is my experience. I agree it is on/off which someone hit right on the nail in this post, it is not good for you nor your children. We are a constant yo-yo and my daughter has been suffering because of it, she doesnt know if he is coming or going and neither do I. I am sick of it and I personally dont want to be with him anymore, more and more as the days go by, I have absolutely no trust.

I dont want my daughter to think that this yo-yo is a natural thing in relationships, I want her to believe there are stable relationships. I dont want this engraved in her head to think it is okay for any man to treat her this way.

As for my unborn child it has taken a toll on us and I dont want him EVER to think what his father is doing is the way to treat a woman.

People may think it is the man or the woman who suffer, but it is the innocent children who suffer and learn.

To answer your question, you werent together for a reason briefly, why recreate the wheel and suffer, instead of moving forward with your life and finding a suitable suitor. I know easier said than done when all you want with every fiber of your body is to be a family, but sometimes wanting and reality arent ment to be.

 

[lauramarie]

worse in my experience too

 

[LittleLemon]

Absolutely worse. My FOB seemed to think I was having our son for MYSELF, he was supportive throughout the pregnancy when it suited him (hung out with his immature mates, made up arguments so he could go drinking etc etc most of the time), never spent a penny on clothes for our son, pram, ANYTHING before Ethan was born. I held on to the hopes that he's realise what life is all about once our son was born - but already in hospital, he couldn't wait to get home to go to sleep, and only came back late next afternoon. He was okay for the first 2 months though (although nothing fatherly about him either), and then it all went downhill when he decided he wanted his life back.

He's out of our lives now and has made no attempts to contact our son (even changed his number to get rid of the CSA. Didn't work). May sound like a depressing story and awful outcome but believe me, I haven't felt this good about myself or life since FOB's left. Not a moment too soon!

So yes, worse in my experience. My mum always says: "He had 9 months to pick up his act and grow up, 9 months to become a man and SHOW you he is mature enough. If nothing happened then, it never will."