Has anyone decided to have a third child but regretted it?

[mamawolf]

My husband and I keep going back and forth about having a third child. I want another baby but at the same time the idea of “starting over” with diapers and germaphobia with a newborn and all the gear and everything has us pausing. It’s already hard to get a date night or time to ourselves with two boys (7 y/o and almost 3 y/o) But every time I see pictures of them as babies and see babies at family gatherings it makes me all teary eyed and dreaming of babies. It’s not just that I want another baby either, I want another child if that makes sense.

I guess what I’m asking is how much do things change after the baby stage dies down with a third child? Is it about the same? Or will I be ready to commit myself to the asylum? Also I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder which I’m dealing with but it does make things more difficult.

Any mothers of three have advice? Is it just baby fever? Or do I truly want another child?

 

[twinklestar25]

I’m the same as you, been on a spa day today for some ‘me time’ so I’m feeling less stressed than I was and the idea came into my head again and I found myself working out finances to fit another baby in! When the day to day stuff gets too much I think no way (I hadn’t had more than a couple hrs away for myself since last summer before I got to this stage and now feel better, I won’t let it go that long again) it’s like I want it bu pt I’m really scared, scared of anything going wrong, scared incase it’s the wrong choice.

I remember feeling nervous both times before but the 3rd seems another level and I’ve put it off convincing myself we’re better as we are, too scared to go ahead but it’s still on my mind and the age gap is getting bigger. I think I end up overthinking it and put myself off.

Interested to see replies

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

I can't say what it's like after. But the deciding factor for us was knowing that we'd regret it if we didn't at least try. It took us over 2 yrs ttc to have DD, so we put a time limit on trying for a third and left it up to God/fate. It only took 2 tries, so we took that as a good sign.

Our age gap is similar: DS 7.5 (8 when the baby arrives), DD 3 (3.5 when baby arrives). Starting over was definitely a factor but when we put together our pros and cons, the only stuff on the cons list boiled down to fears of trying (due to our history). It was a great exercise for us since we were both on the fence. We are all excited and ready to go through the newborn stuff again now.

Hopefully someone with 3 already will put in their experience. I hope you make a decision that you are happy with.

 

[Ziggy2]

We were like you for a long time kept going back and forth, but eventually decided that as we kept coming back to it we should at least try. We put a time limit on it as didn't want a large age gap. I fell pregnant within a few months. He has completed our family I have no doubt that he is the last one, I think when u know u know. My girls were 6 and 3 when he came along and love their little brother. He's just turned one and the first year was tough juggling their different needs but is now getting much easier and I know it will continue to get easier as he gets involved in more of their activities.

It was absolutely the right decision for us and they do say you only regret the things you don't do. Good luck with your decision

 

[yazzy]

I'm sat here just after having my third baby. I have a 6 year old, 2 1/2 year old and 2 week old. She is my last baby and I feel complete now she is here, obviously it's early days but she just fits in and adds a lovely new dimension to the family.

 

[catty]

No iv never regretted it. It has had its hard times but no regrets.
For me it's been no more expense regarding clothes or toys etc. I probably have spent less on her clothes and toys because I know it's just not necessary. She gets plenty from my friends girls and my older daughter and then I buy a few nicer bits so no expense there tbh.

As for other areas it does always make everything that bit trickier having 3 in terms of going shopping or a restaurant, swimming or days out but honestly it's fine you just adapt and learn what doesn't work too well with them all (is solo trip to the cinema with 3 under 5)
I'd say she has completed us in every way and the kids tell her daily how much they love her and we all have such a soft spot for her

Also if you keep going back to it I think you do want another. For me I feel so done now my husband has had the snip and we are happy and now the tiny baby stage is over were all getting back to our old selves and really enjoy having the 3.

 

[bdb84]

We were for sure done after baby #2, but then I had a miscarriage that left me so shattered and I knew, at that point, that our family was missing a child.

When our third was born, DS was 9 and DD was 5, so quite the age gap. We hadn't used diapers in over 3 years, both kiddos were in school full time, etc. I thought for sure that redoing the baby stage would do me in.. but instead I enjoyed it more than I ever did the other two. She was SUCH a content baby. Almost an, "I'm here, so now you can be at peace" kind of baby. She slept better than my other two ever did (and still does to this day at age 3) and had the most contented disposition.

I honestly feel that, for me, going from two kids to three was the easiest transition.

And now here I am expecting #4.

 

[confused87com]

My third wasn't a planned and I had serious worries I would regret it as awful as it sounds. The baby days were hard but I had 3 kids in 4 years. However, now my youngest is nearly 3 and I can't imagine him not being here. Some things are harder etc and we joke about how two would have been easier, but I don't for a second regret having a third. I didn't feel complete until he came along, now I look at and love babies but have no desire for more of my own

 

[misspriss]

Our third was unexpected. We had a lot of apprehension because the pregnancy came at an inconvenient time. But I'd never change a thing. I also suffer from general anxiety, although I've never been given a solid diagnosis it just says "anxiety" on my chart, go figure.

The third has been super easy. I already knew how to do everything. The first 10 months have flown by, he's walking now. I'm hardly any more worried about him than I am the others.

When I had two, I felt like we'd have a third. I was unsure. I knew that we were not complete. Since we have had the third, I no longer feel that way.

Of course there are moments when I think 2 would be easier than 3. I wouldn't have diapers anymore (the other two are potty trained), they are articulate and can communicate, etc. But I could not picture our lives without the little one. And for now, I just strap him to my back and keep going on like I would with two...

 

[Koifish]

Maybe a bit late maybe not but this might be insightful...

I have 3 currently, 1 planned and two surprises. (3,3, 9mo) I had twins with my first pregnancy, so that was the 1planned, second surprise.

We were over the moon about the twins as it took over a year ttc. The pregnancy was hard, the birth was an early e-csec and we almost lost one a lot of hospital time and just not a great experience. By 1.5 they were both healthy happy boys. We fell into a good routine, finances were ok, we already had a 3/2 home so it was perfect. We had thought about a third but decided against it and that it was perfect we were done and so in love with our boys. That was very short lived. I was on BC and a few months after our 100% done decision we had an unexpected blessing.

It was not a blissful moment. Our relationship was strained, we just got over most of the hurdles with the boys. We couldn’t afford it and our house was no longer perfect to me (I always loved that they’d have their own rooms if they wanted esp in HS). Now my perfect little world crashed and I was depressed. My boys will always have to share a room until they move out, no money, I was already tense at work due to sick time I take for the kids, I was so stressed out. Then I decided I knew and loved having boys so I wanted a boy. No boy, DD was coming. The pregnancy was awful and I regretted it. I didn’t want a baby shower and was mad when I got one (🤷🏻*♀&#65039. Then DD came early due to failure to thrive (apparently I don’t do full term).

I did not bond with baby very well at first (I did love her). The boys took to her and fell in love instantly. I hated the NB phase and just felt horrible. As she got older and out of the newborn phase I started to bond with her more. I left my job as daycare was more than I made and my one boss made it clear that calling out if the kids are sick is an issue.

The house is working out fine (of course they are also still very young), I do hope we can get a 4th bedroom when there teens but not hopeful. The financial situation is awful, we are surviving but barely, we have no financial freedom. With that said I would not trade it for anything. I am bonded to her now, she’s a fantastic baby, she’s more independent now, her and the boys do so well together and I am so in love with her. I love staying home (a choice I wouldn’t have ever made), it’s wonderful but also hard work. I don’t miss the stress or long days of my job. I love waking to her smiles and babbles. Everything has changed so much and we are so much happier now, it might have been rocky at first but she is truly a gift from god that has 100% completed our family. I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

Getting around with 3 isn’t bad. I didn’t upgrade my car (we couldn’t $$) I got diono raidan car seats instead (best ever for 3 in a row). I pack her and stroller or double shopping cart them. It’s easier then I thought it would be.

The only thing I truly regret is not enjoying the pregnancy and not bonding with her sooner. I hate that I ever felt the way I did in the first place.

 

[mamawolf]

Thank you all so much for your replies. After taking a few months to think about it, my husband and I decided to go ahead with another baby! It just feels right. So we are now ttc. I’m hoping to get a nice Christmas surprise!