Has everyone forgotten? :(

[tcinks]

It's been just over six weeks since we lost Ronen. :'(

No one asks how I'm doing, no one mentions the baby. Basically after the first week, it was like everything was back to normal. I guess they seem to think I should be "over it" by now. I don't blame anyone, I'm sure if I hadn't experienced this myself I wouldn't know how to comfort a friend going through it. It's so much harder than I'd imagined.

My sister is pregnant, so everyone is excited about that. SIL just had a baby. This is the third day we've spent with them, and everything is all about the baby. And of course that's the way it should be, his life deserves to be celebrated. But it was so hard to see everyone ooing and ahhing, baby stuff everywhere...and everyone seems to have forgotten we lost our baby and might be having a hard time. Today I guess I'm helping MIL and other SIL babysit while the new parents go out on a date. No idea that's what was happening before I came over. :/

I'm just feeling so down. Anyone else experiencing this?

 

[cutieq]

Didn't want to read and run. I'm very sorry for your loss and it does feel like people very quickly go back to their regular routines and forget. Hopefully you have someone you can talk to and find comfort in, including bnb. I've had 3 early losses and I swear even my DH tends to forget!

 

[coucou11]

Aww T, I feel you. I felt like even during the week I was miscarrying some people were really weird and distant. I think it's a very hard thing for people to talk about and mostly they just don't know how to behave, so they try to push it out of their minds. I've decided I'll be dealing with that by just talking about it whenever I need to - even if it makes them uncomfortable. It's the kind of thing that people need to be more open with, and I will be leading the charge there, ha. Even if it's just to say something like "Oh, I stopped drinking caffeine after my miscarriage." I think that acknowledging it as a real thing that happened and that changed my life helps me to cope with it a little bit. Good luck!! I know you'll have your rainbow soon

 

[TTCmyRainbow5]

Sadly I know exactly how you feel
I am so sorry for your loss if Ronen
I too lost my baby boy, Shane Jr. at 16 weeks gestation on Agust 1, 2005.
I was lucky enough to be able to hold him and take pictures etc and had a private small immediate family wake for him but even given those facts people still acted like nothing happened and I should be over it and move on as soon as a week to two weeks after!! Seriously!?! It truly is the hardest thing in the world to feel like time has just stopped for you and you are stuck in a suspended state of animation while watching the world go by like nothing! It is surreal. I will never forget my baby boy the same as I am sure you will never forget Ronen ... It is our duty to make sure they live on in our hearts if nothing else! I'm here if you want to talk

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

Aww T, I feel you. I felt like even during the week I was miscarrying some people were really weird and distant. I think it's a very hard thing for people to talk about and mostly they just don't know how to behave, so they try to push it out of their minds. I've decided I'll be dealing with that by just talking about it whenever I need to - even if it makes them uncomfortable. It's the kind of thing that people need to be more open with, and I will be leading the charge there, ha. Even if it's just to say something like "Oh, I stopped drinking caffeine after my miscarriage." I think that acknowledging it as a real thing that happened and that changed my life helps me to cope with it a little bit. Good luck!! I know you'll have your rainbow soon

Yes, this! I talk about it a lot, probably to the point where people have been uncomfortable but I don't really care. They would be asking if I were 15 weeks (as I ought to be now) but now I'm not, but I still carry that baby in my heart and the grief is real and fresh. I can't just forget about so I guess I refuse to let anyone else, either.

 

[tcinks]

Thanks for your responses ladies! Nice to know I'm not the only one who felt this way. I'm so sorry for all of your losses.

MrsGoodhart, I see you lost your angel in October too. Have you started ttc?

 

[hanrh]

i agree Tcinks. I think this is what i am finding very difficult at the moment! I still want to talk about my baby boy but i feel no one wants to listen anymore, or as much as they did it first. I am desperate no one forgets him however as other ladies have said we need to ensure our angels live on in our hearts.

my hubby bought me a 'forget me not' ring when we lost our baby which i wear everyday. I have found some relief in when people ask me about the ring im able to briefly tell them the story behind it.

 

[tcinks]

That's such a nice idea! My husband mentioned getting us a ring or necklace to remember him by. I may do that, too.

 

[hanrh]

yes i definitely think its helped me. I know it sounds silly but i feel like as long as i wear it i know i will never forget him.

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

Thanks for your responses ladies! Nice to know I'm not the only one who felt this way. I'm so sorry for all of your losses.

MrsGoodhart, I see you lost your angel in October too. Have you started ttc?

Yes ma'am! Well, today is CD2 but we will be trying this cycle. My husband told me this morning he promised my best friend there would be another baby in next year's Christmas picture of our kiddos

In that case, I'll need some new bling! I have a eternity birthstone ring for my son beside me (September) and my baby in heaven (October).

 

[hanrh]

mrsgoodhart - a birthstone ring sounds beautiful! What a lovely idea.

 

[Kazy]

I can totally relate. When I miscarried inJune most people just avoided me (or it seems that way). It's such a lonely process. I know before I experienced it I would have had no idea how to comfort someone. But even some close friends seem to pretend like it didn't happen. I got pregnant right away (2nd cycle) after mine with twins and lost a twin at 11 weeks and really went through it all over again. Only crazy mixed emotions because one baby is still healthy. Praise God for that! But it's still incredibly hard. I decided this time that I would talk about it and if people were uncomfortable oh well. I am not forgetting my babies who are in heaven. no way. It's really difficult now that I'm coming up close to my original due date. Emotions that I thought were ok are coming back with flying colors. And I've decided to grieve them properly and allow it to happen. In the mean time I try and offer grace to those who don't understand. Easier said than done!
I recently heard of oragami owl jewelry. I may get a necklace with birthstones to remember my 2 babies.

 

[Dill]

I didn't bother telling anyone outside of my immediate family. They don't bring it up, but I suspect that's because it's a sensitive subject and they probably don't want to feel like they are rubbing salt in my wounds. I don't mind. There are other things for them to be focusing on.

One of just a couple of friends I told... well, we're not friends anymore. I lost him over it. That has definitely made me gunshy about talking about it with anyone else.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know how hard it is to deal with this, especially if everyone you know seems to be having babies. What you are feeling is normal. And no, they haven't forgotten about you. They are probably just trying to be considerate and don't know what it is that you need right now.