Has TTC taken it's tole on ur marriage?

[CurlySue]

I understand what people are saying about communication but the key is not to make this THE be all and THE end all. When that happens, once this becomes the ONLY thing in your marriage they will back right off. I learned this. And I have learned, since, that whilst it's good to talk it's also good to back off at times and whilst it's good to communicate it's unfair to force what is essentially our obsession onto our husbands.

There has to be some protection from that. The cross isn't just ours to bear but we shouldn't force it to become their one and only thought simply because it's ours. Baby talk IS boring. They don't want to hear about our cervical mucus any more than we want to hear about the consistency of their bowel movements. They don't want to talk to us about that wonderful romantic evening they have planned and know in their hearts that we're trying to work out if we're fertile that night so that sex can be 'productive'. It takes every bit of romance out of the equation. And, I can see how it would make them feel.

Things have been better since I have changed my attitude. Things are more loving. More like they used to be. Now, when we are having sex, it's not about babies. It's about him and me. He doesn't know about symptoms and it pleases him. He doesn't have to listen to me drone on about ovulation. God, I hate that word. I can understand why he would, too.

Men are from Venus. Girls are from Mars. They can't really breathe in our worlds sometimes.

Take some time for you and your husband, minus baby. Baby doesn't exist yet. Hubby does.

 

[DaisyDuke]

Thanks girls i think i'm gonna back off, let him come to me. XXX

 

[jacky24]

I would say our TTc battle and loss battle has been a growing experience..... MY OH has no problem of having a good cry when i get all messed up over everything myself.... I have actually noticed it is almost a release for him as well, not to look silly for bawling all over the place he almost waits for me to have my break down to just get a good cry scream and shout out.....

I agree give your OH space, sometimes they just don't need to know how your feeling or when to be Bding either......

I pray you and OH can get thru this as we have in some way all been there....

 

[DaisyDuke]

Ive been talking to some friends in detail what is he like, and they all say they wouldnt put up with it

 

[Omi]

Are any of these friends ttc or had a mc, daisy?

 

[Helen]

Are any of these friends ttc or had a mc, daisy?

That's exactly what I was thinking. Unless they have any idea what it's like being a LTTTC or had a MC I wouldn't take their advice.

I don't think you'd be human if you didn't have a tough time dealing with what you've been through. Different people deal with things in a different way even in a relationship. It sounds like he's having just as hard a time as you dealing with things but is doing it in his own blokey way.

Although it feels bad right now this is a roller-coaster ride and there will be good days again too.

 

[DaisyDuke]

are any of these friends ttc or had a mc, daisy?

ttc. Xxx

 

[DaisyDuke]

Thanks girls

Dh has promised to be less selfish and more considerate, we will see?

He has started on a good note i went to the gym and came home and he's cooked dinner WTF he NEVER cooks, i didnt even ask him to pull his wait more just to be more suportive and understanding. But if he keeps this up it can only be a bonus. We also had fx things will stay good. The bottom line is we do love each other hence why we want a family.

I want to thank u all so much u have been really supportive. Like u say lttc and a mc really takes his tole, fx we will have some luck and things will get better and better and we will be a family soon. I'm trying to give him the benifit of the doubt after all, if we sperated we would be throwing away an awful lot. Thank u all again I should come over here more really, were on our 11th recorded cycle now so it must be a minimum of 13 cycles trying. Were also discused maybe having a holiday, which if poss will help us as a couple i'm sure and maybe if were really lucky a few weeks later find out all our prayers have been answered.

 

[miel]

good for you darling...

 

[jacky24]

I am so happy you guys have sorted it out.... ISNT LOVE AMAZING

 

[maz]

Just caught up with this thread. I'm glad things are sorting themselves out. LTTTC is a really stressful and challenging journey - and you'll have up days and down days. Having a MC is a very difficult thing to experience, and it can be really hard to cope with. Women tend to grieve openly and let it all out in floods of tears, men tend to grieve differently, and it can sometimes seem as though they're not bothered. But great news that your DH is making a real effort to be more supportive. Plan a holiday somewhere nice, and when you're there, forget about TTC. Who knows what might happen ...

Good luck

 

[HAYS]

Aw DD chick,sorry its taking its toll!! ours hasnt been great at times, we argue alot,but recently been alot better. Have you spoken to him?xxx

 

[malpal]

Oh honey firstly to you.
I really know how you feel because the same happened to me almost this time last year.
Me and Dh had been TTC for almost a year, every month use to come and go and bring with it the sheer dissapointment that nothing had happened. It began to rule my life and i was charting, doing ovulation tests etc..... Things became so bad that my DH sat me down and told me he no longer wanted a baby! This was feb/march 08, he said he couldn't cope with it anymore and asked me if i had ever thought of how he felt when my AF use to come. I remember thinking that i never did! He told me that each month he felt like he'd failed and that deep down i was blaming him! I never realised any of this i was just caught up in my own grief every month! We decided to stop activily trying for fear that it would split us up. We went back to enjoying our married life and BD'ing when we felt like it and not because we had to. That month bought a huge relief to me as i wasn't witch watching or symptom spotting at the end of my cycle. It had been Easter that month and we had spent loads of quality time together, enjoying each other again.
7th April 2008 it dawned on me that i was 4 days late (whilst walking round ikea!) I waited until the following morning to test and thats when i got a .
My daughter was born 7 weeks ago and every time i look at her i know she was made with 100% love and not OPK'S.
I really feel for anyone that is TTC but don't let it come between you. Enjoy the time and enjoy each other.
Sorry for rambling on and i really hope you get things sorted xxxxxxxxx

 

[DaisyDuke]

Aw DD chick,sorry its taking its toll!! ours hasnt been great at times, we argue alot,but recently been alot better. Have you spoken to him?xxx

Yes babe i'm very open with how i feel so he knows exactly. Unfortunatly it seemed to take crisis talks for him to take me seriously. I really hope he keeps it up

 

[DaisyDuke]

Oh honey firstly to you.
I really know how you feel because the same happened to me almost this time last year.
Me and Dh had been TTC for almost a year, every month use to come and go and bring with it the sheer dissapointment that nothing had happened. It began to rule my life and i was charting, doing ovulation tests etc..... Things became so bad that my DH sat me down and told me he no longer wanted a baby! This was feb/march 08, he said he couldn't cope with it anymore and asked me if i had ever thought of how he felt when my AF use to come. I remember thinking that i never did! He told me that each month he felt like he'd failed and that deep down i was blaming him! I never realised any of this i was just caught up in my own grief every month! We decided to stop activily trying for fear that it would split us up. We went back to enjoying our married life and BD'ing when we felt like it and not because we had to. That month bought a huge relief to me as i wasn't witch watching or symptom spotting at the end of my cycle. It had been Easter that month and we had spent loads of quality time together, enjoying each other again.
7th April 2008 it dawned on me that i was 4 days late (whilst walking round ikea!) I waited until the following morning to test and thats when i got a .
My daughter was born 7 weeks ago and every time i look at her i know she was made with 100% love and not OPK'S.
I really feel for anyone that is TTC but don't let it come between you. Enjoy the time and enjoy each other.
Sorry for rambling on and i really hope you get things sorted xxxxxxxxx

Thanks it's great to hear a success story i have backed of a lot i dont temp anymore. Congratulations on your little girl

 

[Farie]

Glad it seems better honey

I have to say I totally agree with Curly .. that how I cope and try to keep the pressure off DF anyway. As she said LTTTC and baby talk is boring! sometimes I even bore myself!

 

[DaisyDuke]

he's been an idiot again, didnt last long did it Not gonna bore u all with it here have brushed over it in my jorunal if any of u feel brave enough. I recomend u stay here, we all have enough to deal with, without listening to me drown on with my marital tales of wo sorry but i either laugh or cry. XXX

 

[Farie]

Thinking of you chick