Havent been here in forever (Update)

[ILoveMySeabee]

This update is harder than I thought but I lost my husband almost 3 months ago.

Thankfully we were able to have some spermies stored so very soon (ASAP) I will be pursuing IVF.

He got sick while he was deployed to Afghanistan (but that is not why or how he got sick) they sent him home and we found out it was cancer...kidney cancer to be exact and to be even more exact Renal Medullary Carcinoma. My Michael fought so hard and so long (18 months...typical survival time for that type of cancer was 3 months) He wasn't 100% but very close he did so good up until the last month but I guess Heaven really needed a Hero

It is hard and I miss him like crazy but I know he is still with me I made him promise he would send me signs so I know he is still here and OMG HE HAS!!! (first time he ever listened to me lol). On June 16th while I was holding his hand and right after he gave me the most peaceful smile he took his last breath...We were actually lucky that his heart just stopped beating because with cancer it can be much worse.

I was reading through some of my old posts here...The one where I told you all about the time Michael told me he has had a pap smear before and the one where I told you he was giving the sperm directions after BD but then there were some bad ones too the worst one when we found out he was getting transferred and then deployed right away I think back to how I felt that day and I realize it sounds crazy but a deployment is nothing compared to this...I could go through 50 deployments after dealing with this. But anyway in the same post I talk a little about what our plans were when he got back, We planned on finding our first house/apartment TOGETHER (we lived together before that but we didn't get to pick it out together). We planned on adopting but instead he was sent home early and our life was hospitals, surgeries, medicines, chemos, tests, scans, road trips and of course hard decisions...decisions no 27 or 30 year olds should have to make...but between all that we made a million happy memories

 

[Fleur29]

Wow I just read your post and not sure I can say anything that is enough or seems anything less than frankly empty and pathetic.

Ilovemyseabee, I am just so so sorry. No one should have to go through what you're going through. You sound like an am amazingly strong woman and when you're ready, the absolute best of luck with starting IVF, your DH will definitely be there in spirit.

Huge huge hugs to you XX

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I'm so sorry for your loss Hun, I know there are no words...

Wishing u the best of luck on your ivf journey and hopefully you have a little Michael (or Michelle!) soon!!

 

[MissGossip]

Hi,

I never expected to read this when I clicked on your post, I am so sorry for your loss and find it inspirational how strong you seem.

I hope the IVF treatment is successful and wish you all the best in your journey, you may not have your husband for support but know us ladies will always be here for you your husband will be so proud of you

big hugs xxx

 

[Mysticalrain]

I am so sorry to hear about what a rough time you have had. Your right your husband is there with you always. He might not be there physically but his spiritual essence I am certain you know what I mean? Stay strong I could not even begin to imagine what you have been through but one thing is sure you certainly have the strength to go on. Good luck hun with everything fingers crossed for you! millions of hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[redlemonade]

I am so very sorry to read this. I'm very sorry for your loss.

You really do sound like an amazingly strong woman and it sounds like you and your husband had a wonderful relationship. I wish you all the very best with your IVF.

 

[Kezzybear]

So sorry for your loss Hun. It will be so wonderful to look into your new baby's eyes and see your husband. So special. I wish you all the luck in the world xx

 

[CastawayBride]

I am so sorry for your loss, my heart aches for you. I truly wish you the best luck ever with your journey to becoming a mother...

 

[lm3898]

Words can't begin to describe how sorry I am for your loss. I hope you'll come here often & we can help you in any way that a supportive group can. I think you are so brave to keep going & to pursue IVF. Good luck to you & loads of your way as well as lots of .

 

[patienceiav]

All of my daily worries just became totally stupid and trivial after reading this my deepest condolences sweetie, like everyone said we're all here to support you noone should have to go through this

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

I am so very sorry for your loss ILoveMySeabee.

 

[chimmi]

Gosh you are such a strong woman, I was in tears reading that.
Amazing you are able to carry on your journey with IVF, it will happen I just know it! You truly are an inspiration xx