Having a bit of a meltdown.

[Vickieh1981]

I am supposed to be having my first scan on Monday morning when I will be 6+3.

I am panicking. I am really close to phoning and cancelling because I just don't want to hear bad news.

The last scan I had was when they told me Isabella had died. No bleeding, cramping, heart the heartbeat the day before, and felt her move but she had still died.

So I can't relax just because I have no symptoms and I feel like I would just rather not know.

I know that's not rational and I have to go but am so scared and I am also going on my own as John has to work

 

[kanga]

Hi Vickie, so sorry you are feeling down hun. It's completely normal to feel that way, esp as you lost Isabella so unexpectedly.

The scan on Monday will give you reassurance that everything is fine so far, even though you have no symptoms. Its a sham dh can't go with you, cant be do a sickie.

I am dreading my scan at 8+2 becuase it will bring back all the memories of the last scan I had where I got my bad news. But in a way I need to face that fear, have the scan, and I'll be able to start disassociating scans with negative news and start to relate them to receving good news about bubs progress.

each pregnancy is so different and just take it one day/week at a time. You are doing really well so far with no ms or sore nipples!

If you cancel this one would you book for another time? Maybe consider getting one at 8+d when there will be more to see and that will give you a few weeks to think about dealing with your thoughts about scans

 

[Vickieh1981]

They are planning on scanning me every 2 weeks anyway but I think tbh I would feel the same by the time the next one came round.

I know it's something I have to do I just dont feel ready inside me at the moment to hear that I have lost another one.

 

[Rachelandbump]

Hey there I understand how u feeling I lost a baby at 7 weeks I'm pregnant again. But the the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy I was bleeding and i gave up stay positive i knw it's hard. Be worth whn u get past u 12 weeks good luck

 

[Vickieh1981]

Hey there I understand how u feeling I lost a baby at 7 weeks I'm pregnant again. But the the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy I was bleeding and i gave up stay positive i knw it's hard. Be worth whn u get past u 12 weeks good luck

It won't make much odds to me to reach 12 weeks if I am honest as I lost Isabella after that. I don't think I will relax until I get to 20 weeks which seems an impossible goal at the moment.

 

[Rachelandbump]

Oh really sorry I though u lost her in the first 12 weeks. I knw it's hard just stay positive dnt get stressed just take each day as it's cums

 

[kanga]

They are planning on scanning me every 2 weeks anyway but I think tbh I would feel the same by the time the next one came round.

I know it's something I have to do I just dont feel ready inside me at the moment to hear that I have lost another one.

I'm sure you won't hear that you have lost another one

Hope you get some pma soon x

 

[KitKatBit]

Hi Vickie,

I booked a private scan at 8 weeks, because I couldn't get one on the NHS (as I've only had one loss) and couldn't face waiting the whole 12 weeks until my first NHS scan. However, when it came to the day before I felt exactly the same as you. I practically decided I would just rather not know and at least have some hope until my 12 week scan.

In the end though I went through with it and all was fine It felt amazing! Obviously I've still been on tenterhooks, but it's nice to know all is well for sure up to a certain point.

I convinced myself to do it by telling myself that if all was well (which I'm sure it will be) then great and if not then by not finding out I'd be holding on to something that wasn't there and even with the glimmer of hope I'd be left with, I'd still be miserable because of not knowing for sure. When I lost my first I bled, so I knew it was going wrong and it was the one thing that I was grateful for really - I felt that having an mmc must bring extra sad thoughts with it.

It is really scary, but I don't think you'd regret it either way in the long run and there's no reason at all it shouldn't be the best news

 

[kafs78]

I agree with above

Look at it this way:
Instead of dreading expecting to hear BAD NEWS...... look at it as going to hear THE BEST POSSIBLE NEWS

 

[hb1]

Hey Vickie It's totally natural to feel like this.

I had reasurance scan at 6+5, private scan at 8+4 and my 12 week scan at 12+5 and each time my tummy was in knots and heart going like mad.

It might be worth getting your 12week scan at 13+4 or something then you'll be at least around the time that you lost Isabella so it might be more reassuring. You'll prob continue worrying now right till the point you hold your baby in your arms but the scans will help - even if only for a bit.

I was having a stress today - symptons fading ( which they should be ) so have ordered a doppler today - and I am past the point at which I mc and the stress goes on...
It helps having everyone on here tho

Just hold on to the fact that there is more chance that everything is fine than not

Good luck for your scan - am sure you'll be looking at that little hb blinking away at you

hx

 

[korrinalex]

Hi Vicki, I was feeling exactly the same way for my 8 week scan, even after I had a 1st scan at 6 weeks and saw the heartbeat (same as last time). I too had no symptoms, and all was well. It was a relief to see the little heart pounding away this time and did make me feel a bit better, and the chances are you will be exactly the same when you come out of the EPU. It is horrible and I too had to go without my dh. All pregnancies are different so try not to compare...it is so hard. Will be thinking about you....keep us posted.
The thing is, nothing ventured, nothing gained. We are all strong ladies or we wouldn't be here again...trying again. You are here for a reason!

 

[wubba]

Good luck!

 

[mislaww]

You poor thing! Try to be positive (hard task, I know) and remember you're doing this to take care of you new little one!

I found out about losing my little Tiger the same way - I hyperventilate when I think about going in for a scan (and generally can't breathe any other time either). It's nice to know I'm not alone in my fear.

But I just know you are going to see your little bean are going to see your little one on monday - how lucky for you! And hopefully, me too, soon enough!

 

[Beanbabe]

Hi hun. How'd you get on today. I tried to reply to this thread over weekend but site was crashing on me.

Anyway just wanted you to know Im thinking of you and hoping all goes well for you.

 

[Vickieh1981]

It went well thanks sweetie. If you look at the end of the spring babies thread on here there is a picture and an update.

Look at you - quarter of the way tomorrow. YEY!!

 

[hb1]

Happy Days Vickie

hx

 

[Beanbabe]

Vickie Im delighted it went well for you. Fantastic news.

10 weeks today. Trying to decide now to doppler or not to doppler. Decisions decisions.

 

[chippyslady]

Wonderful news Vickie! And we are right about at the same place in our pregnancy. I have my u/s on Monday and am praying for good news as well!