He has left me heartbroken

[Mally01]

I am 6 weeks pregnant and today my boyfriend of two years has left me, he has left me because he does not want this child but says he desperately loves me. Obviously he is hinting at me getting rid of it and choosing him over a much longed for baby (I am 38 with a history of fibroids, polyps and endometriosis, never thought I could even get pregnant)

I have told him tonight that this baby is staying and he has left me heartbroken and devastated. You see he told me a few days ago (after I found out I was pregnant) that about 10 years ago he and an ex partner had a baby girl and the mother left them and my boyfriend had to bring up the child on his own. He loved that child dearly but sadly she died at age 3 of natural causes, he was inconsolable. He now says that he can't have another child, won't have another child because this traumatised him so much but he says he is torn and devastated to lose me as he still loves me. I want to be so angry at him for leaving me alone to bring up this baby but on the other hand he has lost a child...where on earth do I go from here? both of us want to be together but he refuses to accept this child and I won't get rid of it just because of his past fears. I found out I was pregnant a week ago. He seems so stuck in his ways that even though a friend of mine says he may come around, I don't see it?

 

[iyawo]

Are you guys open to therapy??

 

[cabbagebaby]

sorry to hear that i cant understand that atm this present time he's finding it difficult. as time goes by and as your baby grows and is born im sure he wont feel the same way i no that the moment hes pretty certain that he doesnt want this baby but once the babys born he will probably love it regardless of his past i hope you can work things out

 

[Mally01]

I don't think he would be open to therapy as I have asked if he had counselling for the loss of his child and he said no and that he wouldn't ever. So therapy for us is probably out.

Cabbagebaby - Deep down I am hoping this happens and others have told me he will inevitably miss me when we are apart and want to see the baby. But I don't want to hold out too much hope and he has said that his feelings won't change when the baby is born. I can't imagine being without him and he has said the same to me. He seems to think 'why is she doing this to me' and I am thinking 'why is he doing this to me' We won't get anywhere and it's very difficult right now.

 

[Rhio92]

xxx

 

[cabbagebaby]

i really hope things work out xx

 

[Seraphim]

I hope he comes 'round.
A lot can happen in a short space of time.
Try to be kind to yourself and just wait and see I guess :/

 

[jogami]

Stick to your guns! That baby deserves a chance and a parent that loves him/ her! You can do it, and most likely he WILL come around! Even if it's only in 9 months. When he sees that baby it'll hit him like a ton of bricks and he'll feel like a fool. He just doesn't realise how much he is going to love and protect that little baby given half a chance... If he doesn't come around he is the only one that is going to miss out. Take care of yourself and your little miracle xxx

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

hey, firstly congratulations x

I am pregnant with my 2nd baby and my babys father (not really in a relationship at the mo) completely freaked out when i told him..this baby was unplanned i already have a daughter from previous and i am only 21 so really was not what i had planned for just now..but it happend!
he was like a monster when he found out saying he wanted it..then no..then yes..then no.. demanding i get an abortion being so horrible i felt absoloutley devastated and heartbroken as u do but i wasnt choosing him over my baby and chose to keep the baby..when he realised this he came round to the idea and now DEEPLY regrets every suggesting we did such a thing and is very excited for baby coming.
what happened to ur partners daughter is tragic and i think he is just scared but also needs to realise this could be a new opening to his life to be the father that he couldnt be after losing his daughter! of course she will never be replaced but he will love and care for this baby as much as he did his daughter!
and u know if he doesnt come round and chooses to be out of childs life..his loss but something he will suffer for as he will be losing another child out of his life but by his own choice!
think of you and ur baby and keep urself well and look forward to this baby as s/he will be ur world and no one else will matter xxxx

 

[Laura2919]

I am sorry to hear this. Whatever happened in the past this child is here now and for you to give up what you want wouldnt be fair. If he doesnt see your way you can do this on your own. Its hard and heartbreaking but you want this child.

I hope things work out.

 

[Mally01]

He has told me today that he misses me terribly and wants to meet up but I don't think he is changing his mind. My Father is getting to the stage now where he wants to punch him and he says that he is using his child dying as an excuse to shirk responsibility and says if he was capable of loving a baby like that he wouldn't do that to this one. Thank you for your responses it keeps me strong.I would not get rid of my baby just because he can't cope. I feel angry then sad most days. He doesn't contact me much at the moment, he is not the person I thought he was. I feel like he has done too much damage already these past few days and I may never forgive him for this even if he decides to come around. He says he cannot live with a child in his life. He seems pretty clear in what HE wants, pity he doesn't think about what me and his unborn child wants. Some people have disappointed me in life but this takes first position as the person who has disappointed me the most.

 

[LonelyAngelx]

Dont let him pressure you into getting rid of this baby.. your heart seems set on keeping it anyway from what i read if i lost my child and my gf told me she was pregnant id be scared (obv) but happy becuase id had another chance but i can see why hed be the way he is, but there was NO need to leave you like that becuase you want to keep it x i reckon he'll eventually come to the idea of it... he probably needs a bit of space

things will work out sweet promise
xx

 

[jogami]

He has told me today that he misses me terribly and wants to meet up but I don't think he is changing his mind. My Father is getting to the stage now where he wants to punch him and he says that he is using his child dying as an excuse to shirk responsibility and says if he was capable of loving a baby like that he wouldn't do that to this one. Thank you for your responses it keeps me strong.I would not get rid of my baby just because he can't cope. I feel angry then sad most days. He doesn't contact me much at the moment, he is not the person I thought he was. I feel like he has done too much damage already these past few days and I may never forgive him for this even if he decides to come around. He says he cannot live with a child in his life. He seems pretty clear in what HE wants, pity he doesn't think about what me and his unborn child wants. Some people have disappointed me in life but this takes first position as the person who has disappointed me the most.

I don't think I need to elaborate, you are very sensible and know what is right and wrong! Keep it up and H&H 9 months hun! x

 

[MummyJade]

Hugs to you hun,

i can understand him being scared its a difficult thing to go through, hes probs worried you will leave him too... but you just carry on enjoy your pregnancy.. and hopfully soon enough he will come around even if he doesn't and wants to let his fears ruin a chance he has, then you will be just perfectly bringing up your baby...
x