He wants 50/50 joint physical placement with a NEWBORN?? BIG RANT

[LilBean2010]

My ex informed me last night that he will not agree to a visitation or parenting time schedule and will be seeking 50/50 joint physical placement beginning at the time of Sullivan's birth. Oh my GOD!

I have to believe he is off his medicine. He said I can pump breastmilk and send it with him - and he will decorate the nursery the same so the baby doesn't know he has changed homes? Does he think he's a moron? He said he wants to take the baby home from the hospital with HIM, as I will have had him in the hospital for 3 days, and then we can switch every 3 days!

I was flipped out at first, then I had to breath and realize what a complete ASS he is being. He said my proposed gradually increasing scale of 2 hours, 3-4 times per week to begin increasing to overnights by age 3 is unacceptable and he wants 50/50. He then said that way - he won't owe child support!!!

He has showed his true colors. I said in a calm and rational manner that such a plan would be detrimental to his physical, mental, emotional, social and developmental well being and I will not agree. I further told him that given that we are not married - nothing will be decided until he is genetically determined to be the father as there is no presumption of fatherhood.

It may be irrelevant - as I have the opportunity to expand my business to a new city 7 hours away. I was going to pass up the opportunity in order to let Sullivan live closer to his father, but if he is going to act in this manner, I might take the opportunity that is in front of me! I know it will make their relationship harder to develop - but the constant controversary that will be here will be more detrimental to Sullivan's well being than living further from his Father.

What a jerk...

 

[lou_w34]

Wow what he is asking sounds completley unreasonable to me!
I dont no how it works in the usa, but im pretty sure that it is similar to the uk in that it is seen to be in the best interests of the baby to be with the mother and have frequent visitation with the father, and then when the child is older to introduce overnights, so basically what you were offering him!

You said he is off his medicine?? Does that mean he has some sort of mental health problems? Im not saying that people with mental health problems cant take of their children, but if he needs to be taking medication and he is not then that would go in your favour if it went to court.

Will he be going on the BC? if he is, then you may not be able to move to far away. (I could be completley wrong here, its just im sure i read something like that) as it could be seen to being detrimental to his relationship with LO.

What a horrible situation he has put you in!



xx

 

[Ju_bubbs]

Oh my dear lord! Its men like that that make me glad my FOB wants abolutely nothing to do with LO!! He is being totally unreasonable! I hope he realises and doesna't make things too difficult for you

 

[MissMegs]

Wow, I can't believe you stayed so calm!! It sounds like you have your head screwed on and, if it's the same as it is here in the UK, then the fact that you and FOB aren't married will really work in your favour. I also don't think any hospital, anywhere, would allow baby to go home without mum unless there were strong enough reasons - and dad deciding that's what he wants would definitely not be that!! I'm very lucky that DH and myself are so happy together and it really makes me feel for those people who aren't so lucky and yet try to do the best by FOB only to have it thrown back in their faces. Stay strong

 

[Laura2919]

I am in the UK and if the USA is the same it would be near on impossible for him to have joint access to the baby from that early on. Over here it is in the best interest of the child to be with its mother and the father would have visitation rights. Just dont change what you have put forward, you are making an effort and there isnt much else he can chuck back. You say well I have said he can come and see baby so and so days and I think that is enough considering baby aint even here yet..

 

[Maffie]

In the UK you can move anywhere within the country as its all under the same court system, not sure about moving states in the US.

 

[jenmc226]

You may not be allowed to move 7hrs away. I live in WI and there are rules about moving away with a child when there is split placement. I can't move more than so many miles away (it's either 150 or 300). You would have to win a battle prior to moving otherwise possible the father could end up with full placement. I'm not entirely sure how it works but don't do anything big like that until you speak to a family lawyer.

You and the baby's father should go through mediation (before the birth of the baby) to make offocial/signed/notarized arrangements regarding placement/custody. Mediation is about $100 each for, like, 3 1hr sessions. If things don't work out in mediation then it's time to get the courts involved. And that will be MUCH more expensive. Also, I believe sometimes you cannot bring a placement hearing into court until after mediation has been tried and failed.

 

[LilBean2010]

We were not and are not married - thus there is no presumption of fatherhood within the court systems. Additionally, from what I have been told, I can relocate as there is no existing order for child custody, visitation or child support (baby isn't even due to be born until mid-September) and he has not been legally determined to be the Father. The move is business related and had been an opportunity in the past - I was going to pass it up but am now having second thoughts given his clear unwillingness to work together on a joint parenting plan. The court systems here are not the issue - it is about taking a business opportunity that has been presented to me. I am not worried that any court system would give him 50/50 placement, so the jurisdiction doesn't matter.

I have kept a very level head with him despite his ranting and raving as I won't sink to his level. I continually reiterate that I will support the baby having a meaningful relationship with both parents, as I feel that is in the baby's best interest, but will not agree to a plan that would be detrimental to his well being and want a parenting plan that will not create constant issues as he is not known to negotiate on anything. He will not offer any additional suggestions or proposals, and given that I have had issues with pre-term labor already - I told him via e-mail last night that we need to hold off on further communication in this manner until later in my pregnancy as I don't need the added stress.

He has not responded, so I guess we shall see where things go.

Thank you for letting me rant...