Headphones in when baby inconsolable - acceptable or not?

[BUGaBOO]

Let me start by explaining that by inconsolable I mean, their nappy has been changed, they have been fed, temperature checked and soothed (rocked/cuddled etc) and they are just crying and crying which is bound to happen sooner or later. I get panicky/upset and stressed out quite easily and husband suggested just putting in earphones and listening to music while I continue to comfort her instead of listening to screeching and getting really wound up.
I told my aunt the other day and she seemed horrified - do you think that it is an ok plan to keep my sanity? I had planned to only resort to this is if I am getting really frustrated and feel out of control, not in any way ignoring or neglecting baby! Hope this doesn't make me sound like a bad mummy-to-be!

 

[phineas]

Hey if it works it works! Ur not planning on leaving baby there wailing, ur just planning on removing the noise so u can think clearly! I don't think it's wrong, if it saves u from getting flustered and more in control on ur care for baby then ur choice!

 

[corgankidd]

I don't see anything wrong with that. I too get very panicky when I can not console a screaming baby and start crying when I can't stop their crying, lol. I might have to use your idea as well. I think just so long as you continue cuddling, soothing and trying to figure out if anything else is wrong, listening to music in the process is nothing to worry about. Momma's sanity is just as important as anything else.

 

[Cat lady]

There is nothing wrong with that at all. If you need to remove the noise then remove it. There will be times when just putting on earphones wont be enough and you will need to just walk away. As long as baby is safe in their cot/crib then walking away is five minutes is fine too. A crying stressed mummy is no use to anybody and taking 5 minutes to compose yourself is better than becoming so overwraught you cant cope. Babies do most of the time just need to be soothed, but not all the time. My ds had colic and dear god, he screamed for hours and hours. As much as I knew it was probably a pain reaction, it upset me so much. I was so stressed out, felt like a failure of a mummy. Walking away for 5 minutes at a time was the only thing to keep me sane.
xxx

 

[mumof1+1]

I fail to see the harm. You are still physically with your baby, it isn't as though you have left the house entirely and just left them alone to cry and aren't aware of how baby is. You are merely blocking out the noise that is potentially going to cause you distress which will possibly end with distressing the already distressed infant even more. All I would suggest is making sure the way baby is crying hasn't changed every now and then should it go on a while, a change in cry can mean a number of things.

You may find that you aren't even in this situation once your baby is born. You my be taken by surprise at how much patience you do develop

xxx

 

[Bean66]

Music may help you both so just play is out loud.

As long as you are trying to comfort baby then I see no harm.

Putting on music and leaving the room is another matter but I realise that's not what you're suggesting.

Remember to breath when you do get stressed and remember crying can be normal. If you get really stressed ask for help.

 

[silver lady]

Okay when i first saw the title i thought you mean't put your head phones in and ignoring baby!!

I think its fine as long as you still comfort and tend to baby, its better than getting stressed out and irrational! Your not a bad mummy to be at all!!! Your just managing your stress and if your stressed out it ain't going to help baby!

But yes maybe out loud music?

xo xo R.

 

[BabyKiwi]

This is what I was secretly planning on doing. Glad I'm not the only one to think these things up xD

 

[_Nell]

I had planned to only resort to this is if I am getting really frustrated and feel out of control, not in any way ignoring or neglecting baby!

I read a book for first time parents and it suggested headphones when you feel like this.
It also said you could walk out of the room for 5 minutes to calm and gather yourself if needed....baby is likely to be better soothed when you have taken a moment to calm yourself.

 

[BUGaBOO]

Phew, thought that post might be met with shock and horror but nice to know it's ok to do what it takes to not go mental! There's just something about a baby wailing that is soooo awful!

My aunt said with me, my Mum used to just close the door and let me cry till the point where my aunts used to start crying because they were so traumatised by it but Mum would insist they didn't go to me and I would fall asleep crying (this is more around 1 year old than a tiny baby though)

Or maybe even a deep breathing or meditation recording would be good to listen to as well as music!

 

[Erised]

I'll admit my first thought was 'what? totally not acceptable!' as I too for some reason assumed it meant put the headphones in and ignore your child

After reading your post however, I've changed my mind and don't see anything wrong with that what so ever. It's not as if you're leaving your child alone, don't offer cuddles or block out the noise at the first sign. A calm mummy who cuddles her child while listening to music is a whole lot better than a stressy mummy who rocks her child on edge.

Go for it =)

 

[AngelofTroy]

I think it sounds like a great idea! I also have a Paul McKenna stress relief CD which I might try. It's helped me when I'm really stressed during pregnancy and it might help me keep calm when baby is upset too?

 

[Islander]

i think thats fine.... my mum used to put the hoover on lol (she didnt just abandon me or anything tho lol)

 

[patch2006uk]

Totally sensible, but don't be surprised if it doesn't block out the crying all that successfully. Our brains are tuned to hear them cry - we've been sat on the other side of the house, watching a movie, and LO has cried out in his sleep and I've heard it over explosions and everything!

Putting them down and walking away is sometimes necessary. Just stepping away from the screaming for a few seconds, even, can help you to remember that the crying is just a baby that's sad, not a demon sent to torture you!

 

[Tattoo]

I think this sounds like a good idea.

 

[aliss]

My 1st had horrible colic- 24/7 screaming for months on end in the beginning (mostly caused by severe acid reflux disease).

It's okay. I never did that (mostly b/c I didn't even think of it), but you do whatever you need in order to get through it. It will likely not help the anxiety of it at all, but just do whatever you need to in order to survive it. And yes, if you have to walk away, walk away to collect your sanity. Scream & punch a pillow if you need.

 

[KittiKat76]

My mum used to make sure I was clean, dry, fed and then she would leave me screaming outside the back door in the fresh air for 10-15 mins. The fresh air would do us both good and I usually fell asleep. That was 36 years ago. Probably get arrested for child abandonment now.
Stealing the head phones idea though. I know if my little flump is colicy I will have my patience tested. Not through time holding and trying to sooth, but the noise!

 

[miss cakes]

a calm relaxed mum is a calm relaxed baby the more stressed out you get they sense it an just cry more so musics a great idea u can sing along to it even if you have a terrible voice which i do lol and they love it my mum used to put my chair in front of the washing machine when i was little which apparently worked babies like the whooshing noises from the water hoover is also good! x

 

[LittlePeople]

I'd say its a good idea, if it keeps you calm! Sometimes I just couldn't cope with the screaming had to put LO down and take a breather in a different room!

My mum used to put us in the pram in the garden under the window to calm us (I've even had LO out in her car seat on the balcony) and it never did us any harm

 

[sandrass]

Nothing wrong with that at all! As long as baby isnt being neglected, it is perfectly acceptable. There were occasions where I thought I was going to go insane with my daughter (still have those days occasionally ) its part of being a parent