Heart be still! (Sorry long post but please read)

[Angel022605]

So here's the conversation DH and I have as we're driving around town just chatting and shooting the bull:
Setting: peaceful beautiful night out just the 2 of us

DH: So I've been thinking a lot lately.....
ME: Ya about what? (Heart starts pounding)
DH: How would you like to start trying for a baby?
ME: I would love to, I'm just waiting for you tell me when....(heart pounding)

1)Ladies when you and your DH or SO had that discussion how did you go about telling him the importance of timing? Or did you just DTD every other day during your fertile period? DH knows I O mid cycle. I don't wanna scare him or make it a turn off trying to explain how the woman's body works. So what's the best approach so it won't scare/stress/make him have a turn off?
2) Also when/how did you break the news to your family that your TTC?
Or did you keep it a secret until your BFP?
Knowing my family they'll ask a thousand questions.
Any ideas ladies?
TIA and baby dust to all

 

[rose.]

I wouldn't go in to too much detail with him. Just encourage him to do it more when you know ovulation is approaching! I am sure my DH realises when I'm fertile as I seem a lot more interested but I think if I put pressure on him then he would probably feel hurt and a bit resentful, and that's no fun.
With our first we didn't tell family until we had an early scan at 9 weeks. Told work at that stage too, then told everyone once we got to 12 weeks. I didn't want any more pressure on us as they were already asking when we were going to have a baby etc!!

 

[awnmyown]

I also think less is more; grown men are a little more aware of the basics of baby making then they probably get credit for. Especially if they have friends that have had any problems conceiving.

I think he's gonna respond well anytime you want him sexually, and inevitably you'll be more interested around O. So just let him know in a physical kind of way that he's needed

 

[KatO79]

I ended up sharing too much with my DH when we started on this journey 2 years ago so you might want to avoid that Use OPKs or whatever if you want but you might not want to let him know the results and just instead attack him I used OPKs and the like from the get go but I was 34 so felt I didn't have much time to mess around.

As to sharing: I don't think you should! I made that mistake and since we've had problems conceiving (been through 6 failed IUIs and I'm currently PUPO after 1st IVF attemp), it's been a nightmare. I don't know how many times my narcissistic mother has told me all sorts of nasty things, rubbing her super fertility in my face every chance she gets (she had 6 kids with no problems, or so she claims). My narcissistic brother, despite having gone through 3-4 years of assisted conception with his wife to have their daughter, has been impossible as well and been hurtful too (same goes for my narcissistic sister). But I also have a very toxic, dysfunctional family. What's more likely is you'll experience what I experienced with my in-laws. My MIL and FIL have used the old "Just relax and it'll happen" so many times I was tempted to smack them both until DH managed to put a stop to it. They did use the "Think positive" some months ago shortly before my 6th IUI but have now completly stopped although I don't think they entirely get it. I've also heard of people experiencing family and friends pestering them every month if they're pregnant yet or not and that can get old and hurtful if it takes you longer than expected. Not to mention some people will start giving you advice as well if you don't manage to conceive within 3-6 months. So nope, can't recommend telling people at all

 

[rose.]

Another thing - it's nice when you are pregnant and you've got a little secret just between the two of you that nobody knows about. I am also not good with sharing bad news so I tend to like to deal with things on my own. So if i had lost my son early in pregnancy, i wouldn't have wanted to have to tell everyone. So for me, not sharing until we were past 9 weeks and had seen all was going well was the right decision

 

[lisap2008]

I would not go into much detail with DH about TTC to prevent him from being turned off , also dont stress over timing too much because fresh sperm can live in fertile CM waiting for the egg for 3-5 days. OPKs can be very helpful in predicting ovulation so I highly recommend using them verses BDing often.

Also do yourself a favor and dont tell family or friends your TTC ,I did way back in 2007 and here I am years later still trying ,family and friends wont let it go and everyone considers themselves a fertility expert and every time we have failed and lost hope its even more painful having to tell them.

 

[Angel022605]

UPDATE:
While we were "playing" DH speaks: "I have a question" Me(I look up) DH: When is your most fertile days? Isn't it like on day 10 and you count day 1 as first day? Me: My fertile week is the week of Christmas. I know it's gonna be hard. DH: Do you know what help? Me:Well it's best to have sex every other day because every day can lower sperm count. I bought some preseed a few months ago we can use as lube incase I get dry. To keep the stress down we can do what we want as long as the end result is that (pointing to his penis) goes ends up in my vagina. We'll need to be more healthy. Remember the sticks I peed on? They cost a little $ but we can use them. They tell me when I am really close. DH: We can do that next yr like in Feb. I can cut down on caffeine but I don't know about smoking(ladies please don't judge him, he's trying the quit). Me: That's ok I can cut down on caffeine too.
Side note: I am so excited! But I am begging you....PLEASE DON'T JUDGE DH! Yes he needs to quit, yes he knows it's bad for his health and the health of the sperm but please no rude comments on his smoking....HE WANTS TO QUIT....Thank you for understanding

 

[krissie328]

I think it's really great he seems interested and excited. My dh was with our first and now with our second more excited and ready than me! It's great to be supported.

My dh smoked for 8 years before quitting. It's super hard for sure. I believe he had 3 serious tries before being successful. Not know where you live maybe you can find some resources? He was able to get free patches through our state and after 6 weeks was patch free and hasn't smoked in 3.5 years.

 

[Angel022605]

I think it's really great he seems interested and excited. My dh was with our first and now with our second more excited and ready than me! It's great to be supported.

My dh smoked for 8 years before quitting. It's super hard for sure. I believe he had 3 serious tries before being successful. Not know where you live maybe you can find some resources? He was able to get free patches through our state and after 6 weeks was patch free and hasn't smoked in 3.5 years.

Unfortunately the only resource that's worked is e-cig. He's quit before but relapsed he's determined to quit again

 

[rose.]

Good for him! Sounds like he's really up for baby making. Good luck

 

[KatO79]

Good luck Angel! And good luck to your DH to quit the smoking. I think I read once that smoking can decrease a man's count from anywhere between 30% and 70% So yeah, hope he does manage to quit as it'll help you better your odds. Just an FYI, it'll take about 3 months or so before any changes he makes can be seen in his sperm count.