Heart be still! (Sorry long post but please read)

[Angel022605]

So here's the conversation DH and I have as we're driving around town just chatting and shooting the bull:
Setting: peaceful beautiful night out just the 2 of us

DH: So I've been thinking a lot lately.....
ME: Ya about what? (Heart starts pounding)
DH: How would you like to start trying for a baby?
ME: I would love to, I'm just waiting for you tell me when....(heart pounding)

1)Ladies when you and your DH or SO had that discussion how did you go about telling him the importance of timing? Or did you just DTD every other day during your fertile period? DH knows I O mid cycle. I don't wanna scare him or make it a turn off trying to explain how the woman's body works. So what's the best approach so it won't scare/stress/make him have a turn off?
2) Also when/how did you break the news to your family that your TTC?
Or did you keep it a secret until your BFP?
Knowing my family they'll ask a thousand questions.
Any ideas ladies?
TIA and baby dust to all




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[xstitcher87]

I had to tell my mum as I needed some medical history from her for my OBGYN for my pre-TTC health check. I asked my DH about whether he wanted to know and he is actually quite interested in the whole process, but he likes science etc, so that helps. We will be keeping it all secret from my in-laws until our BFP.

Good luck!

 

[lesondemavie]

We had been planning to try for a while. First we were going to start a year after our wedding, then I pushed it off until after hiking Machu Picchu, then after my brother's wedding. I think he wanted to try sooner, but he was waiting for me. About a month after our big trip/hike (before my brother's wedding), I realized there was always going to be a reason to push it off. I wrote him a letter to let him know that I was sorry for letting fear do the driving, and I was ready to jump as long as he had my hand. He teared up, and I went off bcp that day.

We haven't told our families yet. We love our mothers dearly, but they are both horrible at keeping secrets! If we told them, everyone would know. I told my best friend and my sister, and he told his best friend. It's been nice to have some support if/when disappointment hits a few cycles in.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Ltweety]

I also would avoid telling my family if I could do it over again. I'd probably tell my one sister and my best friend but other than that everyone is always asking me if I'm pregnant or if there is some reason I opted out of a glass of wine, etc...it's actually pretty annoying and can even get to be hurtful when the ttc journey takes longer and you've suffered losses.

As for TTC and my husband? I tried not telling him the details but the problem is, it ends up coming off as secretive. So I try to tell him things either ahead of time, or retroactively so that it doesn't ruin the moment. Such as, "I will probably be ovulating next week." Or, "this cycle I'd like to try using preseed" so he's not caught off guard but also so I can be spontaneous. We had one big talk in the beginning about timing and how I wanted to be proactive but we don't discuss it everyday. That's where these forums come in handy, and your best girlfriend. Someone to obsess with so you can spare your husband!

 

[2ducks]

That is a very sweet conversation!

My domestic partner and I decided in September of 2014 that we wanted to start trying summer of 2015. It was important to me to be financially stable since I grew up with a lot of financial instability which gave me a lot of stress and anxiety throughout my childhood. We are both 32, but in so many ways I still feel like a kid!

We are both very excited and my partner wants to know everything about my cycles and fertility signs. He even asked what he could do to make sure his sperm was the healthiest. I researched vitamins and supplements to help sperm count and he has been religiously taking 5 pills every morning for the past 2 months to help on his end.

Good luck with your journey!

 

[2ducks]

oh, also I borrowed "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" from my local library. It helped me learn a lot about fertility and ovulation tracking. My significant other read a few chapters also to help him understand what I was talking about! Its a super easy read!

 

[2ducks]

One more thing! There is NO WAY IN HELL I am telling my family i am TTC. My sister has the biggest mouth and would not only tell everybody, she would be texting me daily asking for updates!

 

[Angel022605]

UPDATE:
While we were "playing" DH speaks: "I have a question" Me(I look up) DH: When is your most fertile days? Isn't it like on day 10 and you count day 1 as first day? Me: My fertile week is the week of Christmas. I know it's gonna be hard. DH: Do you know what help? Me:Well it's best to have sex every other day because every day can lower sperm count. I bought some preseed a few months ago we can use as lube incase I get dry. To keep the stress down we can do what we want as long as the end result is that (pointing to his penis) goes ends up in my vagina. We'll need to be more healthy. Remember the sticks I peed on? They cost a little $ but we can use them. They tell me when I am really close. DH: We can do that next yr like in Feb. I can cut down on caffeine but I don't know about smoking(ladies please don't judge him, he's trying the quit). Me: That's ok I can cut down on caffeine too.
Side note: I am so excited! But I am begging you....PLEASE DON'T JUDGE DH! Yes he needs to quit, yes he knows it's bad for his health and the health of the sperm but please no rude comments on his smoking....HE WANTS TO QUIT....Thank you for understanding

 

[2ducks]

No judgement here! My partner finally quit last year after 17 years as a smoker. He started when he was like 15 years old! His main reason for quitting was that we wanted to have a baby but also he did the math at how much he spent weekly on tobacco and decided we needed that money for other things. It was a few year process of quitting, relapsing, cutting down, smoking a lot again when stressed etc... Your husband is in the pre-contemplative stage, he will eventually have the courage and be able to quit he just needs to get there on his own. That's one thing I learned was he needed to be ready, my years of pestering him to quit did not help one bit. My partner used the tobacco quit line, I think it is run by the American Cancer Society. Here is the phone number 1-800-QUIT-NOW. It will give him a free quit coach and free nicotene supplements when he ready to quit. Also my partner used Welbutrin for a few months which is an antidepressant that helps block nicotine receptors and can help folks quit smoking. Good luck and fingers crossed that he will quit soon!

 

[everything]

my DH started by calling me at work and telling me that he kind of wanted to try one month without the bcp, well that month has turned into 23 months.
The first year I didn't stress it to much because sex will become like a a chore (and it has in the past 11 months).
At first I kind of knew my days but I didn't really want to stress DH although he always kind of knew but after our miscarriage in June it got a little more intense as to where I'll use an OPK and tell him like well lets go even though we might not really be in the mood.
If he still smokes I would buy some vitamins to counteract that, the every other day is actually old and the newest research out of Europe is that guys are actually more fertile in the second round (like one after the other). My doctor said well just have a lot of sex and make sure there are always some guys up there around ovulation =)

 

[Ltweety]

Angel022605
My husband and I both quite on Chantix at the same time in January 2014. He smoked for over 20 years and I smoked for 12. It's prescription only and can be hard on your stomach, and can give you weird dreams, but if you can stick it out for one month, it is waaaaay worth it--the drug calls for three months but it is overkill and it's the 2nd month that really starts to kick your a&*. We both smoked almost a pack a day. In WA they are about 9 bucks a pack. (9x365)x2= 6,570.00!!!!!!
We went to Belize on the money we saved in one year. It was totally worth it! Not too mention the time you waste, the smell in your car, and the nasty crap you cough up when you get up in the morning. All gone only a few months later

 

[Trr]

I quit smoking for good roughly 1.5 years ago. It took me a long time to get to that stage though, like probably 1.5 years of quitting and starting again. DH was still smoking until I asked him to quit while we are trying to conceive for the health of the baby and "soldiers". He had a set back one week but otherwise has been very motivated to quit because he wants kids so bad.

I explained the basics to DH like why I pee on sticks and why I temp every morning. We had a chemical pregnancy last month but had told a fair amount of family we were pregnant before we lost it so our close family knows we are trying.
Christmas time always brings out the crazy distant aunts that will ask you when you are trying for babies, not knowing that you have already been trying and not winning at all. Bless their hearts because they mean well but it's still gonna hurt this year even though I will be very open about my mc. I think if you want to tell people you are trying, make sure it's people you would feel comfortable with telling them you had a miscarriage. That call to my grandmother was very uncomfortable :s

Hope this helps!