Heartbroken and confused

[babyhussey]

My husband didn't want anymore children ( we have a little girl 5) but after being told I may not be able to due to suffering from diffrent issues we found out I was expecting. I was over the mood hubby not as much. Am now 16 weeks and thought his attitude would change but he never talks about the baby, asks how I am and when I ask about buying things he shows no intrested. Today I came a cross a good offer on a gender scan n was really excited about it when I to him he didn't seem intrested. We had a bit of an argument over it and when I asked why he wasn't excited or why he was diffrent with this baby he answered well this is why I didn't want to plan 1.
I am heartbroken and don't know what to think or do.

 

[KatO79]

I'm sure he'll come around at one point I'd just give him more time and not push for him to be excited, let him sort his feelings out on his own. Once that baby is here, I'm sure he'll love him/her even though he wasn't originally interested in having another child.

 

[Emilylove13]

I don't have any good advice, but my hubby was not involved at all basically with our first pregnancy. I think he came to 2 ultrasounds and I had like 9. Never came to an appointment with me. Just not excited at all. And now he is the best daddy I could ask for, for our daughter. He loves her so much. Anyway my point is I'm sure he'll come around. Hugs!

 

[Jessicahide]

He sounds like he is sulking and being an arse, i am so sorry for that! I am sure he will sort himself out soon, if not tell him to sling his hook!

 

[Snoopee]

Tbh I think this a fairly normal with a lot of men. This is my third pregnancy (4th including mc) and my husband hasn't been particularly excited for any of them. That's not to say he hasn't been supportive. He's been to every scan and does all the things he's supposed to but whilst I'm getting excited and planning all the nice things, he's stressing out about the practicality of having another mouth to feed. He's just not a very sentimental person but I knew about this about him when I met him. He's very affectionate with me and an amazing, hands on dad with both our kids and I know he'll be the same when this baby comes along. But for him, he just can't really connect emotionally until the baby is here.

 

[SonnyH]

I agree it sounds like he's sulking but frankly, his attitude sucks. It takes two to make a baby and it just happens that you have! It may have been a bit of a shock to him but as an adult, you just have to accept life as it comes! Sulking and being difficult isn't going to change what's happened!

I'm so sorry you feel so sad about it all it's not nice at all. Is there anyway you can sit down with him and have an honest conversation about how you both feel? You deserve to feel supported and cared for. And he probably deserves to have his worries listened too so you can work through them to a solution. I don't suppose he might be worried about how he might react to a second? My brother in law was a nervous wreck about having a second child as he couldn't get his head around how he could possibly love another kid as much as his first. He was genuinely panicked about how he'd feel towards child #2 and how he'd be able to give both children enough attention! That said, he was still extremely supportive to his wife, just quite twitchy about baby stuff for 9 months!

I hope you guys can talk and things become more positive for you. It sounds like a miracle little baby so you keep your excitement and hold on to how happy you'll be in a few months time

 

[cluckerduckie]

I kinda like to think of things outside of the box.
Could it be that he was really settled with just having one child and really wanted to invest all his time in her? In a way, not making him look bad at all, but just settled with one that the thought of splitting his time is literally a problem he is facing?

He could be a little more supportive, at least let you know how he feels.
I'm pretty sure that my husband has been more than pressured about how a third child is going to upset the balance of things and he kinda resents it.
Not that he's excited, my father in law says if he didn't have time with 2, he definitely won't have time with 3, like it matters.
His father is an ass and doesn't spend much time with the 3 grown up children he made.
I plan to not make 3 a challenge so we can have a 4th. - I'm evil and love kids.
Have you tried talking about how he feels about #2?

 

[iluvcocopops]

He sounds like he's being a right spoilt ass hole. Our first DD was a little accident, we weren't married & her dad has previously said he didn't want kids. He only went to one of her scans & even 'joked' he mightn't go to the birth. My mum accompanied me to the rest of the scans. When DD was born he was there & stood by us, but was useless - wouldn't change a nappy, wouldn't fed her, wouldn't even babysit his own daughter. 2 yrs later we got married & I always told him I wanted another child because I didn't want her to be an only child. It honestly took me 3yrs to persuade him to try for another. He kept saying we can't afford it. So here we are 22 weeks pregnant with #2 & he's been to all the scans & seems much more excited this time. He is also much better with our DD now. I'm just hoping he helps out more with #2 arrives. But some guys are just pricks & think it's ok to add extra stress to us pregnant ladies.

 

[rose.]

I wrote a similar post a few months ago about my husband as I was in a similar situation. If you search for my name you might be able to find it - I think it was called 'Husband not excited about baby' or something similar. While he is not exactly jumping for joy at the thought of our arrival, I do feel like he has come around a bit now and I am hoping all will be ok when baby arrives. I'm not going to lie it's been a hard few months - all the hormones have made me quite paranoid and so have made the whole situation a lot worse - but I am now optimistic that once she's here, he will bond with her. I hope your OH comes around too, there is nothing worse than feeling you can't be excited about your own baby

Thinking of you