Hello and advice

[GirlBlue]

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to intro myself. I have been lurking on the site for a while, use to be over in WTT but had to not think about it for while. Now I am back, trying to get some inspiration I think.

I'm 32 (next month) which is scary to say, married for 5 years. Hubby is also 32. We've been waiting for 1,000 reasons that keep adding up First it was school, which we both finished. But he wasn't ready to TTC, so I went back for grad degree #2 and tried to be patient. For him its financial, but he spends tons of $$ on exotic hobbies, which doesn't help my attitude. (I know its probably wrong, but I feel like if I had a BFP he would start focusing on stuff that's really important and stop investing time and energy into pointless hobbies. I think having a BFP may actually help our relationship.) In the meantime, I got so tired of being told no, that I kind of stopped caring. Now DH is always talking about babies (but still not ready to even commit fully to NTNP). I'm numb to the thought of it sex & babies now and it totally affects our sex life. We've never been super active. We've been off the pill for 2 yrs. When I was hoping for a BFP, we DTD 1x a day- 2-3x a week. Once I was sure he didn't share my dream of a BFP, I just gave up. Now...we DTD 1-2x a month. I don't know if it's my age or what, but I'm feeling like what's the point of DTD. So, I'm here looking for a little inspiration from you ladies. Anyone else have that problem? Though I really hope not... THX for reading!

 

[Missalissa86]

I have the same problem as you. We could probably win the lottery and DH would find another reason why we should wait to TTC. It's really upsetting! We have had 2 sons (unplanned but such a blessing) and he was still preaching about how it was all wrong until they came out and he held them for the first time. Unfortunately your DH might need a little push to get on the TTC boat. I know this sounds underhanded but maybe if you had a "pregnancy scare" he would realize that getting a BFP isn't as bad as he thinks, and he would warm up to the idea. I just don't know how else to handle men like that But in the meantime, this site is full of awesome women who will do everything they can to be supportive for you and help you out! You came to the right place!

 

[GirlBlue]

Thx for the welcome Missalissa! Men are awful sometimes. Funny, my mom said the same thing years ago, but...who likes to listen to their mom. And I heard a very similar thing from my Godkid's mom. My Godkid's dad has been trying to convince DH to literally get on it.

DH's reply: "But My life is going to be over once we start having kids."
Dad's reply: "My life's not over.
DH: "......(silence)"

 

[Missalissa86]

Lol sounds very typical. Unfortunately alot of men look at all the responsibilities of kids and none of the perks. And they always think that if they have a kid, it's gonna be like having someone elses kid around 24/7. They don't understand how much different it is with your own baby. There is a bond there that is stronger than anything in the world! If you could find a way to get that through to him I'm sure he would be all about TTC. Getting through such a thick head is the hard part though lol!

 

[gardenofedens]

Welcome to NTNP GirlBlue. I hope your DH comes around to the idea of a !

 

[OmiOmen]

I am not going through the same thing, DH was in more of a rush than me when we have TTC in the past and I think he is getting impatient now, so all I can suggest is having a really serious talk about it with him. Point out that it may be ok for him but a woman's fertility starts do decrees at the age of 24 and there is a higher risk of many things to mother and baby after 30 with becomes higher the more mature you get past that. Plus, getting and staying pregnant is not always easy when you are super healthy and young anyway. I would also say that you got married thinking you would both want kids and if that has changed for him that you deserve to know. On the subject of him saying his life would be over remind him that it is actually just beginning and having kids is the most amazing experience. If it is hard to communicate with him then maybe write a letter about it then he knows you mean what you are saying and you get to say everything you want (no interruptions) while thinking about it enough not to say something you regret.

I am not suggesting you do this but if it was me I would say I was going to leave him and find someone who did want kids.

Good luck.

 

[GirlBlue]

Thx Everyone.

@OmiOmen....I really like the idea of fact dropping. I think he's just on an indefinite timeline when it comes to some things, namely kids. But to be honest, I'm scared out of my mind at the thought of well....everything (lol) so I almost sympathize with him.

Thx again

 

[Missalissa86]

It's always scary when you don't know exactly what you're in for, but once you are holding that beautiful baby in your arms you forget about all that. I'm sure any mother would tell that no matter how hard it might get or scary it might be to move into a new phase with your child, it's all worth it! Maybe he is scared that he won't be a good dad. I had a friend who's husband was like that. He came up with every excuse why they shouldn't have kids yet and after she fixed all of those issues he finally admitted that he was scared he wouldn't know how to take care of a child and he would be a bad dad. She just stayed very reassuring and tried to point out all the reasons he would make such a great father and now he is a happy daddy.

 

[OmiOmen]

He probably is scarred, which is understandable. It is time like this when I think it is a shame that men tend not to talk to each other about these things in the way that most women do.

 

[Missalissa86]

Oh I know! I think there would be no better person to get through to a man besides another man. They tend to take their advice more seriously though, since they are also a man and can relate. I don't blame them though, I would never ask my husband if my period seemed normal to him this month lol. He would say "well did you have it?" and I would say yes, then he would say "ok then it was normal!?!" lol

 

[OmiOmen]

y husband is not too bad like that. Yesterday he said he thinks I am pregnant and he even though the last 3 times he wanted me to be he has always found it hard to believe. He has a friend he talks to about that stuff, not often but a little.

You would not find many men willing to a website like this for dads/future dads. Lol.

 

[Missalissa86]

Oh I lnow right! Silly men

 

[gardenofedens]

y husband is not too bad like that. Yesterday he said he thinks I am pregnant and he even though the last 3 times he wanted me to be he has always found it hard to believe. He has a friend he talks to about that stuff, not often but a little.

You would not find many men willing to a website like this for dads/future dads. Lol.

Yea, I told me OH that there's a Dad's Only section on BnB and he said "forums aren't his kind of thing". Oh well, I love forums! I did buy him .a book called The Expectant Father which lots of people swear by to get their OHs to understand what's going on in a more manly way. I'm going to give it to him with a tshirt that says World's Greatest Daddy when I get my BFP.

 

[GirlBlue]

So I sat DH down for a "talk." I reminded him that we did say that we would start trying 3-5 years after we were married and that this was year 5. And I then preceded to explain how it might be a good time, but he was just sitting there breathing heavy. Then he started saying how he couldn't breath. It was pretty funny. So he finally said, "I can't hear anything you're saying my heart is beating so fast. Just tell me when we have to start trying." I said we can start this month. And he said yes! Now of course, I am scared out of my mind with "what have I gotten myself into" questions. Though I guess DTD is probably as good a place to start as any...lol. So I think we're going to actually start "trying" after my next cycle. That'll give me 45 days to get some prenatal vitamins going, get another check, and maybe drop those 8 lbs I haven't been motivated to shed. Thanks ladies for your support!

 

[Missalissa86]

That's so awesome! Yay!!!!! And btw, you are in for an awesome journey! Kids are the hardest, most rewarding job in the world. At the end of every day, no matter what happens, you would never want to imagine your life without them.

 

[gardenofedens]

Congrats GirlBlue - it's a wild ride but loads of fun! Just try to take it easy and not get too stressed about it!

 

[OmiOmen]

Congratulations.