help! 24/7 tantrums nightmare! are we alone?

[rocknrolla]

Hi! It's been a while! Really could do with some advice right now, or even just to be told 'it's not just you!'

So my lg is 2 and 7 months now, a lovely (!) age! She's so clever (right now sitting on my lap counting her fingers!) She talks all day long and loves learning new things.

Here's the problem though, she is throwing tantrums allll day long. She won't go to bed, preferring to headbang the stairgate and scream until she falls asleep on the landing. She wakes up crying and shouting 'NO' to anything suggested (cuddle?Come into mummy's bed? Drink? Left alone? Etc...) and we can't even get dressed without an hour long screaming fit.let alone trying to leave the house for anything....

i feel like I've lost my lovely little girl. It seems like everything is a battle for her to get her own way and she never does what she's told.

Oh, and she cries when adults in conversation laugh out loud. She's a real joy atm!

Help?! I don't know where ive gone wrong! I've tried ignoring the tantrums, talking it through, staying calm, showing anger, removing, distracting, giving choices....my main concern is the waking up crying and screaming. She used to wake up happily and greet me with smiles not that long ago.....what do i do?!

Anyone else have an adolescent 2 yr old?!

 

[MiniKiwi]

How long has it been going on? No chance she's sick? Ear infection/UTI?

I read in the other thread that she's given up napping, do you think she's just very tired and still needs the nap but fights it?

I'm sorry you're going through this, my DD was like this a lot when she was teething but she was only 12/13 months. Is your DD getting her two year molars?

Lots of hugs, it sounds like you're doing an amazing job coping with this, hope this phase ends quickly for you both

 

[rocknrolla]

Thanks! She is overtired, i know it, but she's in a big bed now and will just get up and play or scream if she doesn't want to sleep.i was hoping after a week or so with no naps her sleep would even out again but it hasn't this time. Her nap transitions in the past have been no problem!
She has had all her teeth a while now, it's not teething, and I'm really not sure but i don't think she's suffering anything else, she had a cold a few weeks ago and told me her ear was hurting, so I'm sure she'd be able to tell me if she was in pain?! It's been going on a few months now, which is why I'm concerned. Any phases before of not sleeping or playing up etc have been over within weeks.
It's so hard cos really she's a lovely girl, she's polite and will tell me she loves me one minute, then later she's like a devil child! *yawn!*

 

[whatwillbex]

Aww bless her and you. They go in and out of these phases all the time. My dd went through a no phase and crazy tantrums felt like it had gone on for months, turns out it was only a day! lol i wasnt used to this difiant toddler was hard work.
I do find when my dd goes a bit off the scale normally a few days later shes poorly or theres normally a reason.
Otherwise I think shes just being 2 and sometimes its a tough world for these little people.

 

[hattiehippo]

My DS was exactly like this from around 20 months till 3.7 with better and worse phases. He would wake up in a tantrum, moan and fight about everything and all he ever said was 'I don't want to'. He was very difficult to manage out of the house and getting him to nursery and home again when I worked was just awful.

The good news is he grew out of it at 3 yrs 7 months and is generally a lovely, kind little boy who gives loads of kisses and cuddles. He is still though pretty high maintenance and lives a good moan about things!

You mentioned your DD gets upset when adults laugh. My DS is very sensitive to loud noises and hates parties, any shouting and will turn the TV down or off when he's had enough. I think some this sensitivity did really contribute to his tantrums though a lot of it is also just his personality.

 

[rocknrolla]

Thanks for the responses. It's so hard

that's the thing about the laughing, it's literally only laughing, other loud noises don't bother her one bit.

She's just so defiant, she's been in time out for almost 10 mins now just because she won't say sorry. Says yes when we ask if she's ready to, then just will. Not. Say it. Monkey!

I hope it does pass soon, 4 months in and im totally exhausted! Its so worrying too, the headbanging and throwing herself around, it's hard to ignore but i know i mustnt give attention to it!

 

[CertainTurton]

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Are you in the UK? If so I would really recommend you look into doing a toddlercalm workshop. It really helped us. Www.toddlercalm.co.uk

 

[CaliDreaming]

My dd was a terror when she was 2. Her intense tantrums started very soon after she was walking and talking.

What they told me at her school was that at this age they are frequently frustrated because their language skills are limited and they have no other way to communicate what they are feeling other than crying, throwing, biting, etc. Imagine if you always got hot dogs when what you really wanted was a hamburger and you couldn't tell anyone this. You would probably feel like kicking and screaming with all of the emotions bottled up inside you.

So, the more your girls' language skills evolve, the less you will notice these tantrums. In the meantime, when she goes into her rages you can give her a time out--not to punish, but just to allow her to get her emotions out. You can try redirecting her attention elsewhere but a lot of times you just have to ride it out as best you can and make sure she doesn't hurt herself, others or destroy things. If out in public just remove her to a private place where she can scream without making a spectacle. TBH, I quit taking my dd out places temporarily unless there was no other option.

My girl was a "terrible two" that has blossomed into a "terrific three". She is still a pretty headstrong girl and still has an occasional tantrum here and there, but the difference is that she can tell me what's wrong and I can usually talk her through what her problem is and that helps me to better prevent the problem in the first place. Her being able to communicate better has made all the difference between terrible and terrific. Now she is a joy to be around because she is very full of life without flying into rages every second.

 

[hattiehippo]

I'd love to say I agree that her tantrums will improve as her language skills do but this really wasn't the case with my DS. If anything his behaviour got harder as he got better at talking as he demanded more.

With the saying sorry I wouldn't push it tbh. I know that sounds like giving in but one thing I've learnt looking back at when Tom was 2 and 3 and really difficult was that there were lots of times I could have stepped back more and that the more I dug my heels in, the more he did. He really feed off my behaviour and reaction to his tantrums a lot.

Tom wouldn't say sorry until around 3.5. He perfectly understood that he should and it does it with no problem at all now but he would just flat out refuse. In the end I just didn't tell him he had to - instead I let him show me in other ways when he was ready like a hug or a kiss.

 

[Jchihuahua]

My daughter is almost 5 but from just turned 2 until just turned 3 her tantrums were horrendous. I thought she had a behaviour disorder at one point. She is lovely now though and never tantrums ever! She is still a sensitive child but it is hard to believe that she used to behave like she did.

My little boy is 2 years 11 months and oh my goodness, his tantrums reduce me to tears sometimes. They are triggered over nothing at all most of the time and screams, throws himself around, hurts my 13 month old. He is really, really hard work but because I have been through it before I know that at some point this too will pass!

I will be on here in a year or so saying the same about my youngest I bet!

 

[MumToEva]

My girl is a disaster at bedtime at the minute too. We have a stair-gate across her door, and she has to go to her bedroom at bedtime, but I keep the hall light on and she can read her books or play with her stuffed animals until she feels ready to go to sleep. I've found that if you give her an inch she will take a mile, so i have to be really consistent. She's also been having nightmares recently, generally about snakes, so we have to check every corner with a torch at bedtime so she's sure there are no snakes in her bedroom.

Nap time what I do is have a rest time instead - she sits on the sofa for an hour with her books (she loves reading) - no tv, no talking, curtains closed. If she. Won't stay on the sofa she goes to her bedroom, so she knows to stay put now. Sometimes she lies down and has a sleep, other times she just puddles about on the sofa, but at least it's rest.

We do time-out too, but we don't bother about the apology - I've read that they don't actually mean the apology anyway, they just know they have to say it. We use a sand timer so DD knows timeout is over which helps too. I use the 123 magic approach if you are interested - definitely works for us.

Another thing I have found that helps is giving choices - do you want to do x or y, which jumper do you want to wear today - being able to choose for herself seems to make a good difference.

Just some suggestions that work for us - hope she settles down soon!

 

[rocknrolla]

Thanks so much all of you, it's refreshing to hear your experiences when im surrounded by well behaved toddlers (although thats only what their mums say )

I'm fortunate that the worst of these tantrums seem to happen at home, yes we miss activities some days as i can't get her dressed and out the door on time, but I've only had to carry her home kicking and screaming a handful of times.

i wasn't sure about the language thing either, as she also seemed to get worse the more she could express through words, i can tell it's not frustration (im pretty sure but not 100%). She has a huge vocabulary and understanding of language already, and yes this often leads to demanding behaviour with her. She is the bossiest little madam!
Which also resulted in me making sure she has choices at every opportunity, so at least I'm already on top of that method

She seems to be doing better with going to bed now, although bizarrely is preferring to fall asleep on the landing.....!

I think I'll loosen up on the saying sorry, thanks for that advice, it's important i keep in mind i still have an independent strong minded gorgeous girl and that's a great thing!

Again, thanks ladies, much appreciated x x

 

[vermeil]

Here is the best advice I've found on tantrums, was really helpful understanding and dealing with them


https://www.ahaparenting.com/Defaul...earchID=8515347&ObjectID=1276804&ObjectType=1