Help and advice really needed.

[liss1122]

Hi,

Im new to this forum and really need some advice. I've recently found out im pregnant (7 weeks). I'm not in a relationship and I took the morning after pill which failed. It wasnt a one night stand as such, i'm 28 and have known the guy since I was 11, we went to school together and over the past few months have texted constantly and seen each other a few times, but I know he doesnt want a relationship with me.

I'm so torn now, I don't know what to do. Do I keep the baby knowing I will be a single mum? I'm going through all the options, a selfish part of my thinks if I have it my life is as good as over, I will never meet anyone (I struggle to at the moment) and I don't know how I will cope knowing there is a chance the father wont be in its life.

On the flip side, i'm a teacher and my job is stable, I own my own house, and im not a teenager. I was also told about 3 years ago that I have endometriosis and polysistic ovaries so honestly thought i would never conceive naturally.

I have told the father. He is not being nasty to me, but he is being honest. He has said that if it was his choice he wouldn't keep it, he said when he has children he wants it to be in wedlock and having this baby will make it difficult for future partners. He has said he can't make my decision for me but that's his honest view.

I just feel so lost. I've known for 2 weeks now and am no closer to making a decision. I know ultimately I have to but I just wanted some advice really.

Has anyone been in this decision? Can it ever work out?
Any advice appreciated xx

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

I wasn't in a relationship with the father of my baby. Of course, we'd all like to be happily married and in love when we had kids but life doesn't always work out like that. No one can make the decision for you. I'd suffered a miscarriage in a previous relationship. When I got pregnant this time, although we wasn't in a relationship.. I figured it must be meant to be. That's just me though. I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason so I thought, if I wasn't meant to have my son surely.. I wouldn't have got pregnant.

My sons dad doesn't want to be involved. He told me he wasn't ready for a child, he didn't want me to keep him, etc etc. I accepted his decision and decided to go it alone. I know TONS of single mothers who have done an amazing job at raising their children without the father in the picture. But, as I said.. No one can make the decision for you.

Best of luck

 

[angelpkj]

i was with the father but as i am a realist im aware that nothing lasts forever and one day sooner or later i will be a single mum

you need to ask the question to yourself,are you prepared to be a single mum
it took me ages and ages to decide that i wasn't ready and prepared to be but i just couldn't get rid when it came to it

for the next 9 months i read every baby mag going and i made myself ready and prepared

as for future partners everyone pretty much now a days has a child out of wedlock to someone else

and i am now happy in a relationship with someone who treats my son as his own..

 

[cherry_pie]

Hi liss, I guess I'm quite biased in my advice to you. I'll tell you a little about myself. This time last year I was happily married, we owned our own house, both had good jobs, a social life, a dog, the white picket fence you get the picture. I was pregnant, kind of a shock but I wasn't on the pill so was kind of waiting for it to happen without actually trying. I was over the moon. My husband took a while to come round to the idea. Anyway, we had a little boy and for me life has never been so good. I didn't see any problems in the relationship but he still walked away 2 days before christmas this year, totally out of the blue when our son was 4 months old. It was a shock, but Im fine now. Moral of the story is, life never ever ever turns out how we want it. I had it all, the marriage, the house and security, and my life was still turned upside down. However, being pregnant and my little boy are the two best feelings in the whole world, an even my husabdn walking away can't change the happiness I feel around my son.

It is not an ideal situation, I bet you never imagined in a million years that you would be a single mother. Nor did I. I went to uni, I got married, married, bought the house. But it has happened. And I guarentee you, if you decide to keep the baby, and it is totally your choice of course, but after a few months of adjustment and coming to terms with things, you will never regret your decision. You already have financial security and a stable home so you don't need to worry about that aspect.

My social life has never been better from I have had Thomas. Life will never be the same, but now I have had a taste of parenthood, I never want it to. Yes I'm single, and I'm back living with my parents, neither of which are ideal. But what counts is my little boy being happy. And he is.

I'm not going to preach to you, as I am very much pro choice, however I think this baby is a gift to you, you thought you may never be able to have children, yet here you are with one, albiet in different circumstnces than you may have liked. I read and researched everything I could get my hands on when pregnant, but really i was a waste of time because nothing can really prepare you anyway, you just learn as you go along.

Try and stop panicking about things and take a long bath and hav a think about how you really feel about this little life, already busy growing inside of you. You are an amazing person, you can do this. It is the most wonderful feeling being a mother, no matter what the circumstances.

My thoughts are with you
xxx

 

[laura3103]

i was 27 when i got pregnant with my little girl the fob walked away when i was 12 weeks pregnant i admit i struggled at first cause i was in love with him and gutted that he could just walk away ( he already had 2 kids from previous relationship ) i always held out hope that one day he would change his mind.

well after having her and realising she is the best thing to ever happen to me i got broody and wanted another little baby and being old fashioned i wanted my babys to have the same daddy so i got in touch with him and made sure i was at my most fertile time of the month and thankfully got pregnant first try ( i did tell him my plan ) now im a single mum to 2 babies and love it i admit its a little lonely once they are in bed but i wouldnt change it for the world.

i still see there dad ( he has nothing to do with the kids) its just a keep in touch incase anything ever happens and they need an organ kinda thing for me really kinda a peace of mind if oyu know what i mean.

being a single mummy is the best thing i ever done i was a selfish mare before now i live for my kids.x

 

[george83]

Hi liss, I guess I'm quite biased in my advice to you. I'll tell you a little about myself. This time last year I was happily married, we owned our own house, both had good jobs, a social life, a dog, the white picket fence you get the picture. I was pregnant, kind of a shock but I wasn't on the pill so was kind of waiting for it to happen without actually trying. I was over the moon. My husband took a while to come round to the idea. Anyway, we had a little boy and for me life has never been so good. I didn't see any problems in the relationship but he still walked away 2 days before christmas this year, totally out of the blue when our son was 4 months old. It was a shock, but Im fine now. Moral of the story is, life never ever ever turns out how we want it. I had it all, the marriage, the house and security, and my life was still turned upside down. However, being pregnant and my little boy are the two best feelings in the whole world, an even my husabdn walking away can't change the happiness I feel around my son.

It is not an ideal situation, I bet you never imagined in a million years that you would be a single mother. Nor did I. I went to uni, I got married, married, bought the house. But it has happened. And I guarentee you, if you decide to keep the baby, and it is totally your choice of course, but after a few months of adjustment and coming to terms with things, you will never regret your decision. You already have financial security and a stable home so you don't need to worry about that aspect.

My social life has never been better from I have had Thomas. Life will never be the same, but now I have had a taste of parenthood, I never want it to. Yes I'm single, and I'm back living with my parents, neither of which are ideal. But what counts is my little boy being happy. And he is.

I'm not going to preach to you, as I am very much pro choice, however I think this baby is a gift to you, you thought you may never be able to have children, yet here you are with one, albiet in different circumstnces than you may have liked. I read and researched everything I could get my hands on when pregnant, but really i was a waste of time because nothing can really prepare you anyway, you just learn as you go along.

Try and stop panicking about things and take a long bath and hav a think about how you really feel about this little life, already busy growing inside of you. You are an amazing person, you can do this. It is the most wonderful feeling being a mother, no matter what the circumstances.

My thoughts are with you
xxx

i have to admit that this post could have been written by me in some ways, i went to uni got a teaching degree met and married the love of my life and we were blissfully happy. Or so i thought. he took on a new job with a lot more money and we planned our baby. but as soon as i fell pregnant things changed and after a horrible 16 months months 4 weeks ago he left me. I have to admit i'm not coping but i can see that i'm not coping with my husband leaving me not at having to look after my son alone . Looking after my baby is the best feeling in the world and despite everything i wouldn't go back and change having him. Nobody can tell you what to do but if you decide to do it, you will be amazing at it i'm sure xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[MumToBe2012]

I wasn't in a relationship with the FOB either, and I remember when I had found out I was pregnant, I was so confused when I first found out. Now I'm 28 weeks pregnant, and I can't believe I ever felt that way. I love my baby girl so much already, I do with that I had been in a relationship before becoming a mum, but I believe everything happens for a reason.

As everyone else has said, you have to ask yourself whether you will be okay with being a single mum, whether you have a support system, (if not, whether you can cope with that) whether you'll be okay with your baby potentially not having their biological father there. Being a single mum doesn't mean your life is over, you can still meet people, have fun etc. But things won't be the same.

Good luck xx