Help. Anyone!! ADHD? Autism?

[VickyLou]

Sorry if this the wrong place and sorry that this might be a long post.

My daughter is 11 months old, she will be 1 next month. It might be worrying over nothing but I really think there is something wrong with her. She's not like any baby I have been around before.

Since birth she has struggled with sleep, was in a lot of pain for the first 12 weeks due to having CMPA (cows milk protein allergy) and server reflux and constipation which the doctors refused to acknowledge even though I was telling them from 2 weeks old. Anyway it took awhile to settle into life with her with all the battles with the GP and trips to A&E.
Initially after her problems got sorted I thought she was quite advanced, was sitting up early, rolling over, standing herself up etc etc. But for the last few months everything has slowed down. I realise all babies are different and things will slow down the older they get.
She started cruising at 7half months, I hoped it would develop into her talking steps on her own but it hasn't really. She has taken a few steps with a lot of encouragement from me or my partner but now for the 3 days she refuses point blank.
She started talking at 8 months, mama, dada, nanny, bye bye, hiya uh-oh, grandad once in awhile, then suddenly stopped around 10 months (if not before) now the only word she will say for absolutely everything is dada.
She won't concentrate on anything, I try and read with her she just crawls away from me or takes the book off me and throws it. I try flash cards, again just throws them. I put nursery rhymes on the tv and sing them to her and try and do the actions but she isn't interested.
She wont point to things that she wants, she won't bring me something if I ask for it, she doesn't try and show me things that she's playing with (not that she really plays with anything)
There is no eye contact with her either. She won't even look at me when I call her name. it's almost like she's deaf. I think she's just ignorant. Unless hearing can change over the year ( she 100% hearing on the test they do at birth)


I saw the health visitor 2 weeks ago for my daughters milestone check. The health visitor didn't give me much feedback on her development, she just said she seems happy. But she's coming back in December cause she's concerned about her lack of speech suddenly.
I did mention that I think she could be ADHD but she said I wouldn't be able to tell till she's a least 2-3 years old. She looked at me as if I didn't know what I was talking about. Surely a mother (first time or not) will know if something isn't quite right?

Am I being paranoid? Or could there be something wrong? My other half is ADHD and my younger brother has milk autism so it does run in both sides of the family.

Thank you for reading. Id appreciate any advice.
Xxx

 

[bundle4me]

I can't offer much advice but my sister has adhd and was nothing like you describe your lo like.
My ds could cruise and take steps at about 11 months but he refused to walk and decided nope he would crawl till he was 16 months so that's definitely normal. I imagine it would be normal with the speech too but if you feel better then ask for a opinion off your gp. Also my sister wasn't diagnosed till she was 5 and she was a total terror, like unbearable. She's 22 now and amazing and so smart so it's not affecting her. Good luck x

 

[AP]

ADHD isnt generally diagnosed until at least 5/6ish, everyone we mentioned it to was reluctant to assess my daughter until she was in school. (she has ASD but not ADHD)

Persoanlly, at 11 months I wouldn't say this is the time to be worried. She'll be working on something else So much to achieve!

Children with autism tend to drop things a little later than this age (hence why people make the wrong conclusion about vaccines and autism)

Enjoy her right now!!! Things change so quickly!

 

[VickyLou]

My mother in laws watches her and says she's just like her daddy at this age. He's got ADHD. I don't want to label her but my gut tells me something isn't quite right. I used to look after an Autistic child who started to drop things just after one. His speech was the first thing to go. I dunno maybe I am over reacting.

 

[LoraLoo]

I think she sounds like an absolutely normal 11 month old. I think you're expecting too much from her in all honesty.

I have an adhd with possible autism and I wouldn't really say any of the things you've mentioned is anything of concern at this age.

That said, I think us mums do have a gut instinct about these things.

I'd advise you to keep a diary of concerns, milestones etc to refer back to if you ever need to further along the line.

 

[ElmaWG]

She sounds just like my DS at 11 months, and he's by all accounts normal. He crawled and cruised early, but didn't walk till 13 months, which is not overly-late. I wouldn't be concerned about an 11 mo old not walking. And it's not usually effective to encourage them to walk, if they're not into it. DS could have cared less if I tried to tempt him into walking. He could get where he wanted easily by crawling or cruising. And he certainly wasn't interested in TV or flash cards at that age.

I also wouldn't be concerned about her not talking at 11 months. The "words" you describe her saying at 8 months were not "talking". It's just babbling. Then as they get older and get closer to really talking, they often choose a word/sound they like and say a lot. This is EXACTLY how my son was. I remember when he started daycare at 12 months he said "baba,ba bababaa" ALL THE TIME. He didn't have any real words till months later, only Dada, Mama, Moo (for moon), and couple others kitty, milk, and truck at 18 months.

I can certainly understand being concerned about ADHD and autism since they run in the families for you, and I would also probably be looking for "signs" all the time. But she sounds normal to me.

 

[VickyLou]

I think she sounds like an absolutely normal 11 month old. I think you're expecting too much from her in all honesty.

I have an adhd with possible autism and I wouldn't really say any of the things you've mentioned is anything of concern at this age.

That said, I think us mums do have a gut instinct about these things.

I'd advise you to keep a diary of concerns, milestones etc to refer back to if you ever need to further along the line.

I don't expect her to do anything it just worries me that she starts to do things then suddenly stops and doesn't show an interest anymore.
I'm a great believer in gut instincts especially cause since she was born I have been right about everything else (her allergies etc) even though the doctors refused to listen and told me I'm a first time mum that's still learning. No! I new there was something wrong with my daughter. It took 12 weeks but eventually someone listened.

Again maybe I am worrying over nothing? Maybe I didn't explain things to well? Thanks for your reply.

 

[LoraLoo]

I think it's completely normal for them to stop and start with things. I thought my daughter (now 6) would be a really early walker and she was pulling herself up very early and cruising but then never walked Til 14 months.
I think sometimes they do regress at times and it can be normal.
I know absolutely none of mine would have been interested in flash cards at that age- their attention span is so short and they tend to just grow things a lot!

I really do think it's going to be one of those wait and see things, I really do understand what you mean with the gut instincts, so I'm not saying your wrong- just that from what you've wrote there's nothing that would concern me

 

[VickyLou]

She sounds just like my DS at 11 months, and he's by all accounts normal. He crawled and cruised early, but didn't walk till 13 months, which is not overly-late. I wouldn't be concerned about an 11 mo old not walking. And it's not usually effective to encourage them to walk, if they're not into it. DS could have cared less if I tried to tempt him into walking. He could get where he wanted easily by crawling or cruising. And he certainly wasn't interested in TV or flash cards at that age.

I also wouldn't be concerned about her not talking at 11 months. The "words" you describe her saying at 8 months were not "talking". It's just babbling. Then as they get older and get closer to really talking, they often choose a word/sound they like and say a lot. This is EXACTLY how my son was. I remember when he started daycare at 12 months he said "baba,ba bababaa" ALL THE TIME. He didn't have any real words till months later, only Dada, Mama, Moo (for moon), and couple others kitty, milk, and truck at 18 months.

I can certainly understand being concerned about ADHD and autism since they run in the families for you, and I would also probably be looking for "signs" all the time. But she sounds normal to me.

I wouldn't say I'm worries another not walking, I know she will do it when she is ready. I'm more worried that she can do it but refuses to, or should I say started to and has now stopped.
Regarding the TV and flash cards, these are things she has previously been interested in. There's a nursery rhyme things on you tube we often watch but now she doesn't want it anymore if I try and interact with her.

Again I am not concerned that she isn't talking, she was saying words and now refuses to. It's the health visitor that is concerned that she's stopped saying words (which obviously has now got me a little worried).

Like you say maybe I am just worrying and looking for signs cause it's runs in both families. I would just rather catch it as early as possible if ADHD or autism are a possibility so we can deal with it while she is young. I'd hate her to go through life feeling different cause doctors won't listen (like her early life)

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate every ones opinions. I guess wrote down it does look like normal behaviour for an 11 month old and I'm possibly being a silly mummy. But to watch her something just isn't right to me. I have a friend who has a severely autistic son, who is now 12. She has watched my daughter and said she's Defo showing traits of something but she isn't sure what just yet.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[AP]

Everyone is unique when it comes to autism and girls even more so as they are not always "typical" - its probably wise not to let your friend compare, she is only an expert in her own child.

I spent the first two years in worry for my daughter (she had a brain bleed at birth) and I deeply regret that, I should have enjoyed her younger days! Keep doing the wonderful things you try to do with her, but remember losing interest in things quickly comes easily for children!

 

[LoraLoo]

No I get what you mean hun- it's hard to put down into words the little 'isms' that just don't sit right x

 

[BunnyN]

All children do go through phases of being interested in certain things and then they drop that and move on to something else. Its almost like the dont have room in their brains to work on everthing at once. I think the important thing is that some part of their development is moving forward at any given time. Dont worry too much if other things are put on pause for a while or even seem to move backwards. Some kids who are super early crawlers/cruisers acctually take longer to wallk because they dont feel the need to move on from what works for them. DD was super early with all that stuff and everyone expected her to be walking at 9 months (like I did) but didnt walk until she was a year old.

I do relate to the mothers instinct thing though. I have been convinced since my DD was a baby that she is not quite "normal". Her dad has ADHD and she is very like her dad in personality. She is 2.5years now I am more convinced than ever. I havent even bothered talking to anyone about it because I know that officially it is "too early" to tell and if I describe the behavour I know lots of mums would say its just normal. She has always been an awful sleeper. She is always busy doing something and is never still (even before she was born she was hyper active). Since she was very small she has had total meltdowns on a regular basis. I call them tantrums but most of the time its not like she is trying to get her way, she just cant cope with being over tired or not feeling well etc. She is also very obssesive about order and has strong aversions to texture etc. It is like normal behavour in a lot of ways just x 10, lol. Interestingly she also had CMPA and I (the ignorant, first time mum ) was the one to work it out so I have come accross the glazed looks and patronising words from doctors, lol. Honestly I dont worry about her too much as she is bright and has developed well. I think she is always going to have some difficulties in life but all we can do is work though things as they come up. I dont think having an official diagnosis at this stage would really make much difference anyway. We also have a 9 month old who couldnt be more different from her.

I think all you can do is keep an eye on things and see how things work out in time. Dont underestimate mothers instinct but try not to become too obsessive either. Its good that your health visitor is taking an interest in her language development. Sometimes trying to get a kid to do something just puts them off doing it so try to concentrate on the things she does like doing. Often children go through a phase of being obssessive with crusing and exploring themselves and dont really want to sit down and "do" something with you so that can be normal. Have you tried getting down on the floor with her and interacting with what she is doing?

 

[VickyLou]

All children do go through phases of being interested in certain things and then they drop that and move on to something else. Its almost like the dont have room in their brains to work on everthing at once. I think the important thing is that some part of their development is moving forward at any given time. Dont worry too much if other things are put on pause for a while or even seem to move backwards. Some kids who are super early crawlers/cruisers acctually take longer to wallk because they dont feel the need to move on from what works for them. DD was super early with all that stuff and everyone expected her to be walking at 9 months (like I did) but didnt walk until she was a year old.

I do relate to the mothers instinct thing though. I have been convinced since my DD was a baby that she is not quite "normal". Her dad has ADHD and she is very like her dad in personality. She is 2.5years now I am more convinced than ever. I havent even bothered talking to anyone about it because I know that officially it is "too early" to tell and if I describe the behavour I know lots of mums would say its just normal. She has always been an awful sleeper. She is always busy doing something and is never still (even before she was born she was hyper active). Since she was very small she has had total meltdowns on a regular basis. I call them tantrums but most of the time its not like she is trying to get her way, she just cant cope with being over tired or not feeling well etc. She is also very obssesive about order and has strong aversions to texture etc. It is like normal behavour in a lot of ways just x 10, lol. Interestingly she also had CMPA and I (the ignorant, first time mum ) was the one to work it out so I have come accross the glazed looks and patronising words from doctors, lol. Honestly I dont worry about her too much as she is bright and has developed well. I think she is always going to have some difficulties in life but all we can do is work though things as they come up. I dont think having an official diagnosis at this stage would really make much difference anyway. We also have a 9 month old who couldnt be more different from her.

I think all you can do is keep an eye on things and see how things work out in time. Dont underestimate mothers instinct but try not to become too obsessive either. Its good that your health visitor is taking an interest in her language development. Sometimes trying to get a kid to do something just puts them off doing it so try to concentrate on the things she does like doing. Often children go through a phase of being obssessive with crusing and exploring themselves and dont really want to sit down and "do" something with you so that can be normal. Have you tried getting down on the floor with her and interacting with what she is doing?

Thank you so much for your reply.
My daughter sounds like yours, she has had always had awful sleep, I think the beginning it was due to her being in pain a lot but now she just doesn't nap in the nap unless we hold her tightly to go to sleep. If we put her down then she wakes with in minutes. She has now been out on piriton to help her sleep at night, which has helped a lot, if I don't give it then she's up 15-20 times a night. She is also always busy doing something, she doesn't keep still, EVER! She also has meltdowns for no reason, I call them tantrums too. The first time she did I was amazed cause I didn't think young babies had full blown tantrums. My friend came round with her baby, the baby was playing with one of my daughters toys, oh boy all hell broke loose. I mean throwing herself on the floor, screaming, kicking her legs and throwing her arms around. Once I removed the toy from the child she instantly stopped.
I guess it's just hard to not obsess about it when I have been brought up with it with my brother although he has grown into a very respectable young man now. I also hate her to go through life suffering. She's suffered enough in her short little life.

And yes I do get down on the floor with her, I'm always on the floor with her trying to get involved in what she wants to do. She quickly stops playing though if I disturb her. She seems to like being left to her own devices rather than having interacting from me.

I suppose I could be worrying slightly to much. I just needed to get my thoughts and feeling out there to other mummy's that might understand. My other half disagrees with me all the time when I try to talk to him about my worries where she's concerned. He doesn't see what I see so it's nice to have some input from other people. Maybe I am just a crazy mummy hehe.

Thanks again. X

 

[MindUtopia]

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but yes, I think you're being a little bit paranoid, or are worrying so much that you're seeing something when it's nothing, but at the same time, I can understand that given what you've already had to go through with her. That said, everything you describe sounds absolutely normal to me. Most babies and toddlers take a few steps forward and then a few back before they jump through the next developmental loop. That's totally and completely normal. So yes, would be totally normal for her to show and interest in cruising and maybe walking, but then pull back. Actually, there is some evidence that trying to encourage walking and pushing it (including things like finger walking, basically, holding their hands and trying to get them to walk independently) actually delays walking. So if you have been worrying yourself enough that you've been pushing her too hard to do things like walk or say words, yes, it can slow things up. It just makes the whole thing stressful and they can sense your stress, and it just derails things sometimes. But also, it's totally normal to move foward and then backwards in development and it's not necessarily a sign anything is wrong (they wouldn't be moving forward at all if anything was wrong). It sounds like maybe the fact that she is such an early developer has raised your expectations beyond what might be realistic, so you might just need to step back a bit and accept that she'll move along at her own pace and that pace already seems far ahead of many babies her age. My daughter didn't stand and start cruising until 8.5 months and though she started to be willing to walk behind her toddle trolley by around a year, she would completely refuse any attempts to get her to walk on her own. She'd just sit down and cry if you tried! Totally normal. She finally took her first steps at 15 months, which is actually the average age for walking. Some babies don't walk til much later (my husband didn't walk - or say a single word, for that matter - until he was 2.5! He does have mild dyslexia, but was otherwise totally developmentally normal as a child and is a really successful, accomplished adult). My daughter also didn't even babble til 9 months (like, the babababa sounds) and she didn't say 'dada' until about a year or a real word (cat) until 13 months. She's 2.5 now and was actually above every language and developmental milestone on her 2 year development checklist. She speaks about as well as I do in full, complex sentences! If there was anything worrisome, your HV would have noted it and it's good they're coming back to have a second look and hopefully that will be reassuring. What they expect at the development check at that age is pretty limited and it would be really obvious if something was actually wrong (basically, they want to see babbling and they want to see them move a block to their mouth and then between each hand). A baby who doesn't listen or doesn't want to stay engaged in a task for anything length of time is a normal baby. Now if we were talking a school age child, that would be different, but what you describe sounds like she's just being a baby. So try not to let it worry you and make you second guess things or not make the most of this time in her life just because you're stressing about it all.

 

[minties]

She sounds like a nice, normal baby. I think maybe she's sick of being co-erced into doing things she isn't ready for?

My son was pulling to stand and started cruising at 6 months, I kept trying to make him walk and he didn't until 11 months. He go sick of the encouragement.

 

[catty]

I honestly think she sounds like a completely normal 11 month old.

some things -
pointing, my son didnt point to 18 months
getting you things you ask for, id say over a year old for this to really be effective

both my children have had the attention span of a goldfish, until recently we have never ever got through a book. I mean really we have NEVER got through a book. they run away or rip it off me etc. its frustating but its very age appropriate.
as for cruising its very normal to cruise and then not walk, sometimes could take them quite a few months to gain the confidence to set off and sometimes there just not physically ready.
my daughter said Granda at 5 months, I honestly thought I had a genious on my hands! she downright refused to say it ever again until maybe 9/10 months?

im not trying to make you feel bad by downplaying what your saying though. Sometimes writing things down it seems fine but in person its different you know?

only stand out thing you have written is that she doesnt give you eye contact? if its when shes busy I wouldnt be worried but if its all the time I might ask about that.

oh and gut instincts are very real imo. My son had a weird walk and I just knew something wasnt right. got put down to alot of things but I kept going to the doctor and finally found out he has Perthes disease. im certain it still wouldnt have been picked up now if I hadnt kept showing up at a&e and pissing everyone off.

 

[BunnyN]

All children do go through phases of being interested in certain things and then they drop that and move on to something else. Its almost like the dont have room in their brains to work on everthing at once. I think the important thing is that some part of their development is moving forward at any given time. Dont worry too much if other things are put on pause for a while or even seem to move backwards. Some kids who are super early crawlers/cruisers acctually take longer to wallk because they dont feel the need to move on from what works for them. DD was super early with all that stuff and everyone expected her to be walking at 9 months (like I did) but didnt walk until she was a year old.

I do relate to the mothers instinct thing though. I have been convinced since my DD was a baby that she is not quite "normal". Her dad has ADHD and she is very like her dad in personality. She is 2.5years now I am more convinced than ever. I havent even bothered talking to anyone about it because I know that officially it is "too early" to tell and if I describe the behavour I know lots of mums would say its just normal. She has always been an awful sleeper. She is always busy doing something and is never still (even before she was born she was hyper active). Since she was very small she has had total meltdowns on a regular basis. I call them tantrums but most of the time its not like she is trying to get her way, she just cant cope with being over tired or not feeling well etc. She is also very obssesive about order and has strong aversions to texture etc. It is like normal behavour in a lot of ways just x 10, lol. Interestingly she also had CMPA and I (the ignorant, first time mum ) was the one to work it out so I have come accross the glazed looks and patronising words from doctors, lol. Honestly I dont worry about her too much as she is bright and has developed well. I think she is always going to have some difficulties in life but all we can do is work though things as they come up. I dont think having an official diagnosis at this stage would really make much difference anyway. We also have a 9 month old who couldnt be more different from her.

I think all you can do is keep an eye on things and see how things work out in time. Dont underestimate mothers instinct but try not to become too obsessive either. Its good that your health visitor is taking an interest in her language development. Sometimes trying to get a kid to do something just puts them off doing it so try to concentrate on the things she does like doing. Often children go through a phase of being obssessive with crusing and exploring themselves and dont really want to sit down and "do" something with you so that can be normal. Have you tried getting down on the floor with her and interacting with what she is doing?

Thank you so much for your reply.
My daughter sounds like yours, she has had always had awful sleep, I think the beginning it was due to her being in pain a lot but now she just doesn't nap in the nap unless we hold her tightly to go to sleep. If we put her down then she wakes with in minutes. She has now been out on piriton to help her sleep at night, which has helped a lot, if I don't give it then she's up 15-20 times a night. She is also always busy doing something, she doesn't keep still, EVER! She also has meltdowns for no reason, I call them tantrums too. The first time she did I was amazed cause I didn't think young babies had full blown tantrums. My friend came round with her baby, the baby was playing with one of my daughters toys, oh boy all hell broke loose. I mean throwing herself on the floor, screaming, kicking her legs and throwing her arms around. Once I removed the toy from the child she instantly stopped.
I guess it's just hard to not obsess about it when I have been brought up with it with my brother although he has grown into a very respectable young man now. I also hate her to go through life suffering. She's suffered enough in her short little life.

And yes I do get down on the floor with her, I'm always on the floor with her trying to get involved in what she wants to do. She quickly stops playing though if I disturb her. She seems to like being left to her own devices rather than having interacting from me.

I suppose I could be worrying slightly to much. I just needed to get my thoughts and feeling out there to other mummy's that might understand. My other half disagrees with me all the time when I try to talk to him about my worries where she's concerned. He doesn't see what I see so it's nice to have some input from other people. Maybe I am just a crazy mummy hehe.

Thanks again. X

It strikes me maybe you are noticing some slightly abnormal traits and over analyzing others? Its hard not to worry about everything when you sense things are a little off.

I had forgotten about DD and eye contact. She seems fine with it now but when she was younger she avoided it a lot. My mum (who to start with was the only one who got what I was talking about) addmited recently that she was quite worried about DD as a baby because of her lack of eye contact. And she never looked at your mouth when you talked or imitated you sticking your tongue out etc like most babies do. She also hated being kissed and would burst out crying if you kissed her on the cheek. It took her a few months to tollerate it. It was as if it was just too much stimulation for her. The same with eye contact. She did make eye contact but it was like she could only cope with a little without being over stimulated and looking away. Thankfully she doesnt seem to have autisim but I do think she has ADD like her dad. At the end of the day I think she will cope fine with a bit of extra support. I have managed to get through life okay as a severe dyslexic.

 

[missk1989]

Please try and enjoy your baby. You will regret picking over things when the time has flown by. Also even if she does have ADHD or Autism there is nothing you can do about it for a long time.
The stop/start thing is normal for toddlers/babies. My son could count to 10 but then started refusing to do it. He had lost interest and was working on something else.

 

[JumpingIn]

As an adult with ADHD and an ABA therapist (one to one with children with autism) I can confirm that ADHD should not be a concern right now and there are not enough red flags to point to autism either, especially at only 11 months. The only behaviour I wouldn't just dismiss as entirely normal in your post is no eye contact and not responding to name, but at 11 months these could easily be part of normal developmental shifts.

Keep an eye out but don't fret... Chances are she's just a regular 11 month old

I also must post about this 'attention span' issue and about the 'tantrums'...Concentration and emotional control need development of the brain's frontal cortex. This part of the brain is not fully developed until the age of around 25. You read that right. At 11 months it has very limited capacity. You take a toy away and the baby will be pissed off, cry, even hit, and these are all because the most active parts of the infant brain are the most 'primitive' (emotional reaction, pain response etc) without the ability to mediate with more 'grown up' thinking (the toy will come back, it's only a toy, I should do something else instead') This behaviour, even to the extreme at times, is unfortunately part of normal development for many babies right up until they start school and even then abilities will vary among children and will develop gradually over the course of the next couple of decades (remember being an impulsive, emotional teenager?)

As parents, WE are often the child's frontal cortex... Toddler is inconsolable because they wanted the red spoon and not the blue one... and we are the ones saying 'all spoons are the same, you can't always have exactly what you want'... This is partly how they learn. At 11 months your baby can't understand any of this yet as you know. Basically it takes a long time.

In terms of autistic regression, what you describe doesn't fit. To simplify, regression would normally be later and not confined to one or two specific skills

Got to go, just seen something shiny

 

[sethsmummy]

Hi hun, I honestly think your little one sounds perfectly fine. Do you think it may be a case of.. you know what the "flags" are for adhd and autism so your overly looking for them and finding fault where in reality there is none, which is easily done when it runs in the family. I think you may also have too high expectations of what your daughter should be doing at this age. the Only thing that strikes out to me is the no eye contact BUT this depends when your trying to get the eye contact because if shes busy youve got no chance. 11 months is a busy time for them development wise and EVERYTHING is so interesting to them they do start to flit between things and have the attention span of a fish

that temper you mentioned is also completely normal. they dont have the mental capacity to rationalise that they have to share or that the toy will come back to them. all they know is another child has their toy and theyre not happy with that so they have to let us know somehow

please do not compare your daugter to anyone who is on the spectrum.... it is HUGE and every child is different.so whats typical for one isnt typical for another.

if you still have worries write them down and keep a record of it all because if you do go down that route you will need all that type of information. in the meantime you can implement things anyway, a diagosis makes no difference at this stage. implement a set routine, try a simple PEC system for things she needs, a reward chart with smiley or sad faces.

most important is just enjoy her. dont push her to do things shes not ready to do and lower your expectations a little so that lessons the stress on both her and you