HELP???? Father wants to see the baby after leaving us

allie5503

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Okay, sorry if this gets long just want to explain it all.
I'm 17, got pregnant when I was 16 and my baby is now 7 months old. I was dumb enough to believe the dad of the baby whwn he told me since it was my first time there was no risk at all, but I didn't know that much about it. After a week of finding out I was pregnant and getting no sleep, I told my ex. He asked me if I wanted to get an abortion and when I said no he broke up with me, excusing himself that he was just too young and had a lot to live to put on his shoulders the responsability of raising a child, nd since I I didn't want to get an abortion the baby was my responsability. After that I did not see him or heard from him, I went through pregnancy completetly alone as well as through birth. My parents own a big company and they are always working so they are no help, they were never really involved in my life I always grew up with nannies taking care of me.
And now, after 7 months of Jace's birth things seemee to be fallng into place again. A frienf I had started to come over to my house, saying that he wanted to help me and the baby because we were alone. At first I refused, because he was used to be in the football team with my ex, but he explained to me that he had not seen him or talked to him since we broke up. Hes 19. After some weeks of him trying I allowed him to take care of my baby some hours of the day, or while I took a quick nap or something like that. He turned out to be simply amazing. He's soo sweet with Jace, takes care of him really well and aleays helps without having to tell him twice. Both bond perfectly. After having him around for a couple of months he tokd me that he had always liked me even before I got pregnant and that he wanted to be involved in my and my baby's life. At fiest I refused becuse I did not want to get myself in another relationahip but after some time I realized that I was having feelings for him and it would be a good chance to reconstruct my life with him and gave my son a father, although he isn't his biological dad. He also told me that my ex had been cheating on me with more than one girl while we were together, I.cluding having sex with them.
Anyways, we have been together now for almost three months and I could not ask for more. He changes Jace, feeds him, plays with him, falls asleep with him on the couch... Just the perfect dad, and Jace adores him. He treats me really, really well and told me he is not here for sex and would rather wait for marriage. He has never tried anything with me other than holding me and kissing me. Although we have been going out for three months and it isnt much, it just feels right with him, but I do not jump into crazy stufflike we are going to be together forever or anything like that. Just one day at a time.
Now heres the problem. Two weeks ago I found my ex, Jace's biological dad at my door. At first I closed the door on him, but he kept on ringing the bell, waiting for me outside, calling me to my phone, waiting for me to get out of my job... Everywhere. He said that he wanted to see Jace. He excused himswlf for leaving claiming tht hewas just too young and caught off of guard to cope with it.
I talked to Bren, the guy I am wiyh now, and after a long talk we agreed to let him see my son. He soent a day with him and when he came back he confessed to me that he still loved me and wanted to get back in our lives so we could be a family. I told him that the only interest I had on him having him around was for my son, not him.
But I still feel tht I have a special place for him in my heart since he was the one I lost my virginity to and we now have a kid. But yet again I really really like Bren and I'm always so omfortble with him.
And more importantly I'm worrying about my son. On one side I want to tell my ex that he has no rigjt of seeing Jace after leaving us, but again he is his hiologicl dad and I always wonder when my son grows older if not having his real dad with him will affect hin and make him want to find him. Also, since Bren has been around for a while now and taking care of him I'm afraid it will cause some confusion for him when he grows up. I'm also worried about him being around my son and seeing him might harm my relationship with Bren, since I would have to see my ex often.

Sorry it got so long, just had to get it off my chest :/ any advice, please????? I'm a mess and I just want to do what is best for my baby.
 
Maybe you could sort something out whereby your ex sees your son at a contact centre and therefore you won't have to see him and it will be supervised. You could also make it clear to him that he has one chance and if he messes up (eg doesnt turn up to a session to see your son), then thats it and there's no more chances.

Your new guy sounds like a great guy to have around and a great step-dad for your son and I'm sure this won't affect your son too much when he's older if he's a good role model for him, but then you cannot predict it. Do what YOU believe is the right thing to do though as you said, you went through the pregnancy, the birth and the first 7 months of your sons life alone therefore you know what is best for him. I hope it all works out :flow: xx
 
:hugs:
It really is personal choice chick.
I would let Jace see his biological Dad as i believe that all children should (unless bad circumstances)
You will always have a place in your heart for his bio dad as you have a baby with him etc.
Is he coming back into your life now as he's jealous your with someone from his footie team & he wants to try & split you up.

If you really like this new OH then i would suggest carrying on with him & not letting FOB split up what you have - you said yourself he is great with Jace & everything feels perfect when he's around.

So i personally would tell FOB that he can see Jace but not whenever he wants, when it is arranged and proper etc. & stick with the new OH as he seems lovely, taking on a child that isn't yours at 19 is a big thing to do.
He seems very real & doesn't sound like he is worth losing!

:flow:
 
i agree with BethHx, this new guy really seems great, and definitely not worth losing just because your babys dad has just flounced back into your life now that he feels like it. You need to remember that HE LEFT YOU AND JACE when you needed him the most, and you cant let any of the excuses he comes out with get to you. At the end of the day, youve got something good now, this guy treats both you and your baby right, which is obviously way more than anything your ex could do. In my opinion it seems like he has honestly just heard that your with his old friend from his football team and got jelous. By all means, do not stop him from seeing Jace, because in all fairness, even though he left you both and cheated and everything, he is still his child. Maybe to make things easier you could use contact centres or arrange for him to pick Jace up from a friend or family members house so you dont have to see him? honestly, if it was me, i would stick with what ive got :hugs: xx
 
Thanks girls, the contact centre seems a good idea and I didn't think about it. Let him pick my son up from my house is definetly not gonna work. He came by today and after him insisting and me refusing to getting back with him we got in a fight, which has never happened before in front of Jace with anybody and he didn't take it well. They guy I'm with now isn't handling it too well either, says he can't stand seeing him around me after knowing why hes back. Gahh.. Lets just hope it all works for the best. Thanks girlss!
 
i'm actually in almost the exact same situation ( funny if i was going to have a boy i would've named him Jace! )

i also got preg at 16 & had my daughter 2 months after i turned 17 . My daughters father was involved until i was around 4 months preg - i kicked him out of my apartment for 1) not leaving the key for me where i asked him to and 2) having a BIG BAG OF WEED on my bed for my return....
Since i was 7 months pregnant i've been with my OH Sheldon , who was there for my daughters birth through every contraction and even seen my placenta :sick: lol!

when i was around 5 weeks PP i called him because i was told by our mutual friend that he believed my daughter was infact his - but he wouldnt admit it to anybody else. .. to me he says "I know shes mine" to everyone else he says "i want a dna test"

TBH , i dont feel the need for my daughter to know him , given past experience as he's already in & out of our lives and shes not even a year old yet . Where as Sheldon , has been there STEADY through everything he spends over 100 dollars a month and 16 hours a week (approx) to come see us ! Why would i need an unstable person in our lives when i have someone whos there for us whenever we need anything >


Thats just myopinion & i've been told a thousand times im wrong for not letting him see her even when he asks , but ... she's got a daddy who loves her .. why do we need anyting else ?

AND , when shes older i would have no problem explainingit to her .. giving her all his info , but now ... we're okay where we're at. ify ou ever wanna talk feel free to PM me :)
 

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