Help help help

[mrsabott]

Hi Ladies, I've been a lurker for a while as deparately WTT but I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends as I'm worried about what they'd think.

DH used to be on chat rooms etc chatting up girls but I was an idiot and forgave him - how I wish I'd turned my back on him and not married him but its too late now.

I have now seen his facebook account only one friend on there an ex girlfrield who he sent obscence messages to a few months before we got married in May. I got him to delete his facebook account at the time but he must have reactivated it. I don't know what to do, I've tried to access his facebook to see if he's messaged her but I can't.

I'm such an idiot if it was someone else and I was looking in from the outside I would just think she was stupid and should leave him but its not that easy is it?

All my friends seem to be pregnant and having babies and my life feels like it is falling apart.

Sorry for rambling on for my first post but I don't know where else to turn.

 

[ellieraine]

I don't think that I can say anything to make you feel better, but I didn't want to read and run. Sorry you are feeling so lost and fed up, this is a great place to let off steam and chat to people and get the support you need, xx

 

[Jennifaerie]

Have you brought it up with him? If you wish you hadn't married him then he might not be the right person to have a bub with? Marriages dissolve but you're tied to the father of your child forever. I hope you're ok xx

 

[mrsabott]

Thanks ladies, I can't leave him because of what it would do to my parents and everyone around me and I'd be so ashamed.
I'm not going to have a baby with him until I know he's changed but I know he never will. IYKWIM

 

[rosie5637]

you can't stay married to someone like that just because of your family. it has to be your choice and no-one elses.
you have nothing to be ashamed of, he has plenty to be ashamed of by the sounds of it. you deserve so much better.
my marriage ended after 9 months and i'm so glad i decided to walk away.

it'll only get more and more complicated the longer it goes on, especially if you do end up having children.

have a long hard think about all your options and do whatever you think is best. i'm sure your family will support you.

good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[moomin_troll]

first off u should not be wanting to try for a baby with this man, as it will be the child who grows up suffering. my mum had 3 babies in a unhappy marriage where among other things my dad would cheat, and i never understood why she had his children and hated her for that but im so proud that she left his ass.

u need trust in a relationship and u dont have that so bringing a baby into this will make the relationship 100000 times harder and he will prob cheat on u while pregnant and then ule be risking ur babys life as god knows what he could give u and the baby.

i no its not as easy as just leave, ive been there myself with my ex. he was very controling treated me like shit and cheated in our bed with my friend. n yet i forgave him and it ruined me. i then got up the courage to leave and its the best thing i ever did. i didnt see just how bad it was till i left. even when i was with him i knew i couldnt bring a child into that relationship and i didnt.

if u decide to stay then good luck but u cant bring a child into this, it isnt fair n it wont be u who gets hurt in the end

 

[mrsessex]

I blame computers for so many break ups and affairs! Scary how easy it is now to easily hook up with old flames

moving on

Hun, your family love you and don't wanna see you hurt and upset

walking away from this marriage is childs play with no kids compared to
doing it with a child/ren let me tell you

once your married and have kids- your kinda stuck.....unless good finances on your side and an amicable hubby make it easy for you to walk away.

Please think hard

btw---- they don't ever change x

 

[moomin_troll]

i agree with above they dont change, in my experience the more u forgive they think they can keep doing it to u

 

[Hodge-Podge]

A few words of advice--- "A man leaves when he finds someone new but a woman leaves when she's had enough"

Just something to keep in mind if you think he could possibly being reuniting with a lost 'love' or what not. But in all seriousness, like they have said before, you cannot stay married to someone that you cannot trust just because you don't want to hurt your or his family. This is a situation where it is ALL about YOU and how YOU feel. Oh and please do not consider getting pregnant with someone that you have no long term thought of.... you do not want a child to be put that.

 

[Nobody]

having been divorced once myself, I can share with you the idea of joy and love you can experience with someone new who fully appreciates you and wants to be with you only. Don't worry so much about what the fam will think. You need to live your life for YOU. it's your future.

On the other hand, do whatever you need to ensure he knows how you feel about it. Seek counseling (i know it isn't something you want to hear or do) but do exhaust your willingness to work it out. If, after you've tried everything to work through it and it doesn't improve, the choice is yours to make if this is something you can live with.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.