HELP! I don't think DH understand that this isn't going to be like my v-birth!

[LizziesMama]

I'm a little upset with DH, and above all a little hurt that he doesn't seem to be taking my feelings and concerns about this birth very seriously. He's so concerned about pleasing his family with their requests about visiting (from out of state and staying at my house for a week at a time), that I have somehow become the bad guy.

I just don't think he understands that this isn't going to be like my vaginal birth. I could have physically, probably done anything within hours or my delivery last time. I tried explaining to him that I can't pick up the baby by myself for a while, won't be able to drive for six weeks, etc. He just looked kind of dumb founded like, "why not, how's that going to work?"

DH is not a sympathetic person. I had severe hyperemesis and was even hospitalized at one point in my pregnancy. DD got a little depressed during that time, and when I came home and was on bed rest she continued to show signs of depression. She would even talk about throwing up like mama and such.

DH actually got angry with me on several occasions for letting DD see me throw up, or appear ill (was on bed rest for fainting/malnutrition concerns). I am a stay at home mom. What the hell am I supposed to do?! Lock the bedroom door and let her cry outside while I puke?!

All that to say, I'm dreading having to rely so much on him after the section, because I think in his mind I need to just tough it out and do all that I did last time. I will have my mom for a week, and other relatives available virtually anytime I call. So I can get the help I need. But I just wish my DH could be my partner in this and support me both emotionally and physically through this process.

I'm hoping my doctor will have a heart to heart with him. Any other suggestions on getting DH to understand that a c-section is major surgery, and all that that entails?!

Why can't he just say, "I know this is a big deal and I want to support you any way I can." I envy those with husbands like that.

 

[scotmum35]

i came home to a total shithole after being in hosp for 7 days.i did some stuff i wasnt
meant to do ie loads of washing sweeping floors and ive developed an infection somewhere ( waterworks or womb) so im on antibiotics.
my baby is in special care baby unit because he was born at 30weeks+4 days.stress lack of sleep and pain and u would think he would try to help me more but ive had to scream at him and tell him he is leaving if he doesnt help out.
i understand he is upset and scared about having a prem baby i am to but im the one who had to go through an emergency op and deliver a child way to early and all he cares about is the baby where as i have 2 teens to worry about aswell cause im a parent of 3.
some men just dont get it and im not sure how u make them understand.maybe get the dr to explain all the things u cant do after birth.

 

[BlueHadeda]

I have to ask....why won't you be able to pick baby up by yourself? I've had 3 c-sections and has always been able to pick my baby up and look after her! It's true that you can't pick your toddler up, even though I did that too dohh. Caused me to just bleed heavier rest of that day. I also haven't been able to wait 6 weeks before driving. I have older children that needs picking up from school and being taken to activities. I don't have a mom anymore and in-laws are far away. My husband simply can't take more than 2 or 3 weeks of leave at a time, so I usually start driving again after 2 weeks. No fun, I admit, but what can a SAHM do?

I have no idea how you can convince your husband beforehand how bad it will be. Maybe once he's in theatre and SEES them cut you open from side to side, he'll realise what big surgery this is. Just stand your ground about visitors. You simply will not have the energy to cater for a number of people. You'll need to rest to recover. Doing too much, can cause complications. Maybe show your OH some stats on possible complications and tell him you'll have to lie down or sit on the couch most of the day without doing anything other than breastfeeding, cuddling your toddler and resting. And sleeping!!

 

[LizziesMama]

Well I was told I'd have a five pound weight limit. Dd was 9 pounds, so I expect dd to be over 5 for sure. My mom had 3 sections and said she was picking us up about 2 weeks in, but not at day one for sure. Dh won't be taking any time off work. So I guess my concern is that during the migbt he's going to think it's ridiculous that he has to help me do anything, when he has to work the next day. I wish he could understand that his duties the next day are going to be a piece of cake, considering i'll have a newborn, a 3 year old, major survery to recover from and no sleep. But I know him, and he'll just say it's my "job" and he has his and doesn't need my help with it.

I realize I'm starting to get emotional and worried about how this is all going to play out. It's just his little comments lately that have me worried this is going to be a battle.

 

[bletherer]

omg,
I really relate to this, I havent had a C section, not yet anyway, but dread the idea of coping with the after effects with only my husband for support and looking after a toddler.

The very decision making process of whether to go for a section or not was/is pains taking as he wont participate! unless I prompt him. Even then he was quick to tell me that it was my decision to make as it was my body!!!!
I too wish he could just be supportive.

A ceasarean is being considerred due to a previous shoulder dystocia.

Anyway, I agree he has to see what it is you go through in theatre to fully appreciate the healing process afterwards!!!

 

[mrs_park]

Oh dear, sounds like he needs to understand that a c section is major surgery. Maybe show him some info on cs or have your Dr have a chat with him.

I heavily relied on my DH and mum in the first two weeks, DH literally had to lift me in and out of bed and help me on and off the lounge. I also needed help getting dressed, as I couldn't bend down to put my undies on. You will definitely need help, I hope he comes through for you.

 

[Blizzard]

I'm two weeks post EMCS today, just wanted to say I'm sorry your husband isn't more supportive! Also I've had no problem picking up my 8lb son from day one! Certainly nobody was going to do it for me!

Also at 2 weeks I have very little pain and went on a 3 mile walk today with my husband. So recovery really does depend on the person . Xx

 

[Sarah27]

Awww hon! U are having a major surgical proceedure... I would like to see him go through it!

My first section was a breeze.. my second one, my most recent one was not soo good, for various reasons.. So this time for me it was pretty sore and tender when it came to moving about for the first couple of days. You need to take it easy and dont' do too much.... You will be so tired from the surgery let alone looking after LO and DH needs to understand this!

You will figure things out by yourself... get some flip flops on instead of socks and shoes! You will figure out a getting your knickers on technique and take it easy... LOL I wish I could have done a 3 mile walk after my section Blizzard you must be well hard! )

 

[LizziesMama]

I'm two weeks post EMCS today, just wanted to say I'm sorry your husband isn't more supportive! Also I've had no problem picking up my 8lb son from day one! Certainly nobody was going to do it for me!

Also at 2 weeks I have very little pain and went on a 3 mile walk today with my husband. So recovery really does depend on the person . Xx

This is downright impressive! Were you in great physical shape prior to surgery?

I hope to have an easy recovery (don't we all) and I would be thrilled if this became a non-issue with dh, but I do want to be prepared for a scenario where I need a lot of help because of a more difficult recovery. I'm definitely taking notes and it seems the key is to get up and walk!

On a brighter note, dh and I did talk about how I was feeling and I think he has a better idea of what to expect.