help me explain what being 'broody' actually feels like..

[youngone]

I personally hate the word 'broody', but Im very interested to know how other women explain what it emotionally feels like. Its such a deep, complex thing, and its hard for others to even begin to comprehend that have not felt it.

I ask this because last night I cried my eyes out, distraught, and tried to explain to my OH how hard it is being desperate for something so special, that you can't have- feeling like your life can't truly begin until you have it, and that you have never ever felt 'whole', and probably never will until that time. (He said he can never truly understand the extent that I feel this way- but that he wants kids now too- but that we still have to wait at least another year.)

I feel like nothing I accomplish will ever compare to having a child- that even though I have accomplished so much in my life already- I'm envious of young mums walking around with their babies, thinking they are luckier then me, that I would trade lives with them in an instant, even if they have nothing else.

I can't even try to explain it to anyone I know in the real world, as they will either laugh, think I'm crazy, or give me the 'talk' about how I'm "NOT ALLOWED" to feel this way.

Well, news for ignorant people- emotions are not logical. They are hard to control and we are all entitled to them!

so- how would you explain the feeling??

 

[Amygdala]

For me it was like a craving, like a biological need to have a baby, similar to thirst or hunger. No logic about it, I just felt I needed to be a mum. We still waited until the time was right for us but dammit it was hard at times. Funnily enough, now I don't have that. I want another child, I know it's right for our family, but the urgency isn't there. I'm kinda hoping it stays this way, for me feeling "broody" was pretty awful. I had 4 tww in total (1 tww before my first pregnancy which resulted in mmc and then 3 before my bfp with LO) I can't even explain how stressful I found them. Hoping that this time I can be more relaxed.

 

[LovemyBubx]

From my experience.

I would say its like a overwhelming need to have your own baby, its a feeling where you no longer look at babies with your first thought being 'awww' your first thought turns into 'i want my own baby so much' & feel so much jealousy over pregnant women & babies, sometimes to the point where you could cry.

When someone tells you you have to wait it gives you heartache & turns into something you cannot stop thinking about even if part of your mind is telling you its best to wait your heart just cant help but long for that precious LO to be in your arms.

I dont think men can understand, my OH certainly doesnt!

 

[xLeeBeex]

I like this thread!

You've all explained exactly how I feel haha. I won't be complete until we have our own LO. It is just a natural feeling, a craving, a need. I want to start a family, it's not just for me that I want a baby, one of my main feelings is excitement at seeing my OH with our baby, I can't wait to see him interacting with the LO and bonding, I know he'll be excellent.

 

[Becki.S]

Like I'm suffocating and a baby is my oxygen.
Like the overwhelming need I had to be with my DH when I saw him at the bottom of the aisle on our wedding day but someone's (DH!!!) is holding me back and won't let me have what I need...
It's soooo hard to explain and I've struggled to explain it to my DH too...
I feel like I want to cry and scream everytime another friend announces a pregnancy or birth, a pure jealousy that overcomes me when I see a pregnant woman or a baby!
To summarise being broody SUCKS!!!!!

Becki x

 

[youngone]

Like I'm suffocating and a baby is my oxygen.
Like the overwhelming need I had to be with my DH when I saw him at the bottom of the aisle on our wedding day

AWWWWW! thats so sweet! I love what you said about your OH, I hope thats how I feel on my wedding day

 

[IDI]

I only started to feel 'broody' once I got diagnosed.. it even resulted in a break up... I was upset.. needed to talk about it.. he didn't basically and left me.

I then tried to bottle up my feelings and put on a face to everyone.
"I wouldn't be caught dead with a baby.. I'm going to travel all my life!"
"Babies are freaky to look at" (I do think that a little lol)
"I'm not the motherly type"

But behind closed doors I watch documentaries about it.. read books, look at things online... dream about it... wishing I was normal.. and didn't need to worry about my fertility..
I feel empty, the need to love something unconditionally, something positive in my life...

I see pregnant women and hate them... actual hate.. especially young teens.. I think to myself "you probably have no idea who that child's dad is.. or it was planned... as for me... I'd give anything to be in your position and not waste it.." sounds harsh I know...

 

[rwhite]

From my experience.

I would say its like a overwhelming need to have your own baby, its a feeling where you no longer look at babies with your first thought being 'awww' your first thought turns into 'i want my own baby so much' & feel so much jealousy over pregnant women & babies, sometimes to the point where you could cry.

When someone tells you you have to wait it gives you heartache & turns into something you cannot stop thinking about even if part of your mind is telling you its best to wait your heart just cant help but long for that precious LO to be in your arms.

I dont think men can understand, my OH certainly doesnt!

This, exactly for me. I get so jealous of pregnant women when I see them. When friends get pregnant it just makes it worse, and makes me even more broody. But I'm only jealous of pregnant strangers I see and not my friends, for some reason.

It's like an ache, a deep need that I can feel in my chest.

Edit: As per BunInTheBelly's post - I'm 22 and have one little boy. I didn't feel broody again until he was about 18 months I think, and now it's getting ridiculous. Feels just as bad as it did before I'd had a child and in a way it's worse - I'm looking forward to it even more knowing what is ahead (I had a ridiculously easy pregnancy/birth so who knows if I'll get that again)

 

[Teilana]

I like this thread!

You've all explained exactly how I feel haha. I won't be complete until we have our own LO. It is just a natural feeling, a craving, a need. I want to start a family, it's not just for me that I want a baby, one of my main feelings is excitement at seeing my OH with our baby, I can't wait to see him interacting with the LO and bonding, I know he'll be excellent.

Reading this brought me to tears. I feel this exact same way. I've seen a couple glimpses of it with our nephew and it makes it that much harder to wait.

 

[BunInTheBelly]

It's like an ache, a deep need that I can feel in my chest.

This! How can emotions and hormones cause such an intense ache?

Also, Youngone, you really nailed it in your opening post.

I feel empty, unfulfilled, like I'm sitting stagnant even though I have a good job and recently got married and we're discussing getting a house. Why? I can't explain. Believe me, if I could turn it off, I would.

I hate getting teary-eyed at ornaments and commercials where a mom and girl make cookies. I feel guilty sneaking long stares at babies in stores, hoping no one thinks I'm a creep. I do love it when I get to interact with kids, even though it sets that pang in my chest off and I can't really think for too long on how awesome it would be if I was a mom or else I might tear up.

It is a physical need, a hunger with a longer waiting period then that for food. Behind it, shoved back into a little dark corner, is the fear that I won't be able too. I joke with myself that I'll just have a bunch of dogs, and try not to worry that I'll someday find myself surrounded with ten mutts and still be hounded by this ache. (No pun intended I swear, it just came out that way!)

This state is illogical, true, but it is so nice to know that I am not the only one going through this! Could everyone put with their posts their age and if they have any kids? It was nice to read that it went away after the first one for someone.

EDIT: I'm 25 and have no kids.

 

[Firefly Skies]

I've sort of explained it as like having something in the oven that won't be ready for hours. You could take it out early and eat it, but it won't be as good because it isn't ready yet. It makes the whole house smell like food and all you can think about is eating what's in the oven. It's like that, except instead of food in the oven it's the right circumstances for having a baby, and instead of your stomach aching it's your heart.

I know what you mean when people say you're "not allowed" to feel that way because it "isn't responsible". I'm older now and know plenty of people my age who are starting families, but when I was younger I admitted to someone that I had that desire for a baby even though I would NOT stop using protection. I was royally chewed out by someone just for even having the emotion at my age, even though I was still being responsible in spite of those feelings. Of course I was too young, and I knew it.

It's natural. Every species on Earth has the instinct to procreate. Not necessarily every individual animal, but species in general. Just because we have that feeling doesn't mean we'll throw all caution and responsibility to the wind. We're entitled to our emotions, what matters is how we act on them.

 

[MelliPaige]

It's like I'm super thirsty with water right in front of me, but I can't take a drink.

 

[xLeeBeex]

And as per the other post, i'm 23 in March and have no children.

 

[arturia]

Reading this has helped today.

 

[MelliPaige]

It's like I'm super thirsty with water right in front of me, but I can't take a drink.

Wow this is an old post! 6 months later I would find out I'm pregnant with my first son, now over 3 years later I'm pregnant with my second son!

 

[MoonKitty]

It's like I'm super thirsty with water right in front of me, but I can't take a drink.

Wow this is an old post! 6 months later I would find out I'm pregnant with my first son, now over 3 years later I'm pregnant with my second son!

That is so cool MelliPaige! I hope I can look back on this in a few months and say the same. It's so good to know that I'm not the only one feeling such craving and longing.

 

[MissYogi]

I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago about this that helped me to understand. She just turned forty, has never been married and has not kids. In am 24, getting married in July and want a baby right away. I was trying to tell her about the feeling of being so sad that I am not yet pregnant, although I know my reasons for waiting, which is that I want to fit in my wedding dress and have a few drinks at my wedding, as well as having a spring or summer baby. One of our co-workers is currently pregnant with her first and so I was telling my friend how I hate that I actually just feel so mad at that co-worker. Like, even though I am happy for her and I am generally a very kind and supportive person, I literally can't accept it and I only want to avoid talking to her. My friend couldn't understand that feeling and just told me to "just talk to the pregnant woman to learn all that you can before you get pregnant". Anyways, I realized she really didn't see my point so I just ended the conversation and moved on.

Then the next day, my friend came up to me and said she had thought about what I had said and that she thinks she understands now. She said that when she turned forty, she felt briefly sad that maybe that ship had sailed, but she quickly forgot to feel sad and just didn't care that much. My obvious pain at the fact that I couldn't yet have a baby had made her realize that she had never felt that way, to the point that she couldn't even relate, so she must not be meant to have kids.

For some reason, her realization that she didn't want kids, which was based off of my intense need to have them, helped to understand my feelings so much better.