Help What Daddy Says

[miss_tay]

hey guys ok i have a proble

i found out i am pregnant.i have told the father of the baby, we are both in our early 20's now this is the thing, me and ill call him my bf, we were togehter for 3 years, i have been pregnant twice before he was so great loving and suportive, told me what ever i decieded to do he would be there for me. unfortunatly i had 2 misscarages.

ok so me and my bf we broke up kinda for around 4 weeks now. when we first broke up he went out everynight to get crunk, some nights would stay at a mates. he didnt talk to me hated me bascially.now 4 or 5 weeks later we still live together, sleep in the same bed, hug and i am very affectionate but he is kinda and then isnt pushing me off but lets it happen u know? sometimes we kiss, and he sometimes says i love ypou back.we are acting as tho we havent broken up, he still cares alot for me.i love him still and want to be back together.yes i have told him so many times

ok so now that im pregnant he has said that he will be there for me if i keep it.i said well i want my baby to have a dad whos there all the time not every other day, i want my baby to grow up in a home where it has two parents like i did. today he said, plenty of kids grow up in broken homes???? i said well not my baby!!!!!

ok guys he is a great guy, he would be such a great dad, the type of dad who goes camping, and plays lego and onces the kid goes to bed would keep playing untill 3am, he would be amazing you know? but why is he saying that broken homes are ok?

i talked to his brother they are very close and he has said nah itll change he will be there bla bla well i wanta know how do men think when told they are going to be a dad and what do i do to make him see we nee to be a family?

help please

 

[cherylanne]

I know it's everybodys wish that you stay together and become a family, but sometimes this doesn't always work out. Perhaps he does want to become a family with you and baby, but is letting you know that if things didn't for some reason work out then it's ok for you to live apart and still play active roles in your childs life.

I'm affraid you can't make hime see that you need to be a family, he will make his own choices. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months xx

 

[Uvlollypop]

you may get a better response from this if you post it in the pregnancy section?

 

[danni2609]

You need to make sure this is what u both want firstly. And sit down and see if u can stay together if not then can u do it on ur own? You need to do some thinking

 

[Blah11]

I don't know but I don't think it's fair to do the whole 'be there with me or not at all' on him. If he doesn't want to be with you then there's not a lot you can do about it. Blackmailing him emotionally isn't healthy for either of you.

 

[sam's mum]

I know it's everybodys wish that you stay together and become a family, but sometimes this doesn't always work out. Perhaps he does want to become a family with you and baby, but is letting you know that if things didn't for some reason work out then it's ok for you to live apart and still play active roles in your childs life.

I'm affraid you can't make hime see that you need to be a family, he will make his own choices. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months xx

I agree - it sounds as if he will be a great dad and will be there for your baby. But that can still happen if you are not together. If being a couple isn't right for both of you, two separate parents are probably going to be better for your child than parents who are together but unhappy, so if he wants to be there as a dad but not living together as a family you'll need to accept that. You never know how things might change before your baby is born, but you can't put any pressure on him to be together just because you have a baby.

I think you need to have a long talk with him about exactly how he's feeling and what he wants if he's giving you mixed messages at the moment. I hope things work out for you x

 

[nikky0907]

Well,certainly in an ideal world all family's would have a great loving mother and father with a fantastic marriage and one beautiful,healthy,smart child.

But you should know how it actually works in reality.

Me and my baby's dad aren't together.But that doesn't mean that she won't be growing up as the happiest and most loved child.

I actually think your boyfriend (or ex) has a good point.If he marries you now just because you're pregnant he wouldn't be doing his child any favours.

First of all,you two need to talk things that concern your relationship.See if he wants to stay together or separate.
Whatever happens keep in mind that he will be a great father to his child,thats whats molst important.

You two can creat a great unit for this baby-and thats certainly not what I would call a broken home.

 

[elm]

Hi,

I agree with what everyone has said. He's said that he's going to be there for you and your baby. If you can build your relationship with him that would be wonderful but build it based on your feelings for each other and not on the fact that you're pregnant.

I really don't think I could ever be happy in a relationship if I thought it was based on the fact that I was pregnant. I want to be loved because I'm me.

He knows how you feel about him so I think I'd give him space, you didn't say why you split up - maybe you could address those issues and take it from there?

Really hope it all works out for you xxx

 

[Carley]

It's better to come from a broken family, that where everyone is happy then to live in a household where no one is happy...

 

[akamummy]

I agree with Carley and the rest of the girls! Darl you have a lot of thinking to do as well as talking with your ex?
You need to think about what is best for your baby...having a baby is a big responsibility...so you have a lot to think about Im afraid...you cannot make someone stay with you just because you are having a baby! Im sorry to say this, and I dont mean it to sound horible, but if you wanted to be a family that lives all together, then maybe you should have waited to have children until you got married first...because life doesnt always work out the way we dream it to be! hope that didnt sound nasty coz It wasnt meant to be!
I hope your pregy is a lovely and healthy one though sweety...hang in there and what ever you decide, we are always here!

 

[Blah11]

I agree with Carley and the rest of the girls! Darl you have a lot of thinking to do as well as talking with your ex?
You need to think about what is best for your baby...having a baby is a big responsibility...so you have a lot to think about Im afraid...you cannot make someone stay with you just because you are having a baby! Im sorry to say this, and I dont mean it to sound horible, but if you wanted to be a family that lives all together, then maybe you should have waited to have children until you got married first...because life doesnt always work out the way we dream it to be! hope that didnt sound nasty coz It wasnt meant to be!
I hope your pregy is a lovely and healthy one though sweety...hang in there and what ever you decide, we are always here!

maybe marriage would be the answer in the 1940s when divorce didn't really exsist. Nowadays marriage means NOTHING.

 

[Mynxie]

good luck with your pregnancy. I hope things work out for you and your "OH" but if you end up not being together - wouldn't it be better to bring a child into circumstances where mammy and daddy don't argue and stuff, rather than somewhere where mammy and daddy do argue? iykwim?

 

[Ria_Rose]

You have to bear in mind that men are basically cowards and it takes a lot to tell us scary women that they don't want to be with us, we might get mad or throw things or worse - cry. To get to that point they will have to have put a lot of thought into the desicion before they are ready to say it out loud.

He might still be there in body but is he there emotionally or in his head? Or is he just there with you out of habit, going through the same rituals of being a couple without really commiting to it. Has he said he wants to get back together and make a proper go at it? If you have told his this is how you feel and he is not responding, ask yourself why.

I know you want your baby to be born into a 2 parent home, and in an ideal world we all would, but you can't use the fact that you are having this baby together to make him stay. If he does end up staying - he might end up resenting you or feeling trapped - and you'll never know if the Baby is the only reason he is staying.

This is entirely you're desicion, your life and your baby, and you can choose to ignor my advice. But I just hope that you don't cheat yourself out of being with someone who truely loves you unconditionally and is excited about the new life you have created together. Demand more for yourself, don't put up with being grateful for any scrap of attention he throws your way. I know it hurts to think about it, but he can still be a great potential Dad and still not want to be with you.

At the very least it sounds like you need some space. Having him around sounds like he is confusing you more. Maybe with some space he'll realise what he's missing out on. But at the moment it seems he's gotten away with not officially going out with you, but still getting to come home to his comforts.

I hope things work out for you. I really do. I've been in a similar situation myself and I would really recommend this book

 

[ryder]

Totally agree with everyone.

However you guys obviously have invested alot into your relationship, so baby aside, you need to decide if you guys can love and care for each other the way you need to to be happy.

Regarding the baby, if you and the dad arnt happy as a couple first, then break up. Nothing is worse then a child in a home with parents who fight and are unhappy. Its far better to give the child 2 happy parents, even if they are seperate.