help with bullying and moving schools

[jo_79]

Hi im looking for some advice for my DD whos 9 - 10 in march.

Basically she's a very shy girl, doesnt make friends easily but when she does she's very loyal and very caring.

A few years ago a girl joined her school, she's the opposite of DD, very outgoing, loud, really bossy and very forward which in my eyes often borders on being rude. Since joining she has been renowned for picking on girls in her class. DD has always tried to make friends with her inviting her to birthday parties and trying to get involved with the "cool" stuff this girl is interested in.

Now since about a year ago DD has come home saying this girl has been saying nasty things to her, i always say just ignore her if she's got nothing nice to say. Recently she's been screaming in her face calling her stupid, throwing water in her face (my mother caught her doing this), DD is growing boobs and this girl encourages others to take the mickey out of her when they change for games/swimming, she often butts in DD conversation and tells her she's doing stuff wrong seems like just to cause trouble, she says spiteful things to DD, like today she went in school and DD was telling her something and she said i dont care what i did and what im doing is far more important, reading that bit back doesnt sound so bad but its every day all day, DD is really feeling crap and that she's stupid and not worth anything. She has a couple of girl friends who also get picked on and tends to hang around with boys at lunchtime. Before xmas they had a rainy games day where they just played games and she had to play a board game with this girl and she wouldnt play by the rules (10yr old know how to play basic board games properly!) they were playing connect 4 and she put her counter in and saw that DD would get a row of 4 so said i want to change my mind DD said no thats cheating, she continued to get her counter back out and put it in another space where DD got a row of 4 anyway lol then the girl cos she didnt get her own way starting calling DD names and threw the game over!!!!!
I also have a feeling that DD's teacher doesnt really like her and because she is quiet and doesnt come forward quickly in class she's often looked over and brushed aside.

I have been into school this morning and named the nasty child to the headteacher who said she'll sort it out but knowing what this girl is like i wonder if it is only going to make things worse for DD. Her mother is also very forward and can be quite intimidating sometimes; i am far from quiet and shy and can definitely hold my own but even i take a step back when she starts.

For about 2 years DD has nagged me to let her move schools to one closer by us, currently her school is about 30 min drive to where we used to live. When she moves up to secondary school in Sept 2011 she'll be going to a school where we live where she will know nobody.

Now do i look into changing schools as of after half term, 1 is 5 mins walk from the house other is 10min drive on my way to work. Allow her to make friends before she moves up or leave her where she is then let her start secondary school on her own next year.

I remember starting secondary school was daunting enough without knowing absolutely no-one!

OH says leave her and let her move up next year.
DD father and step mum say move her if she's that unhappy.

Sorry for all the rambling i just hate her coming out from school crying and not wanting to go back in the next day.

Thanks and well done if you're still awake after my essay lol

 

[lesleyann]

To be honest as a builled child who did move school i would say to move schools she will have friends who will go to secondary with her. It wont be long before the bullying may get to using hands to hurt and your DD then does not want to go to school and it can take a few months to move schools. I was out of school for 3/4months because i refused to go to the one i was being bullied at and it took so long to sort out the one i was moving to.

Hope this all gets sorted for you hun

 

[jo_79]

thanks

my mum went to pick dd up today and turns out the head hasnt even been in the class like she said she would or spoke to the girl

i think we've come to the decision to move her, not just because of the girl picking on chloe but cos of the whole moving up to secondary school and friends etc, she needs to make friends where we live and go out to play etc she just sits in the house now cos she wont go out cos she doesnt know anyone. girls can be so bitchy at secondary school too do i really want her to meet some new friends before she goes.

 

[lesleyann]

thanks

my mum went to pick dd up today and turns out the head hasnt even been in the class like she said she would or spoke to the girl

i think we've come to the decision to move her, not just because of the girl picking on chloe but cos of the whole moving up to secondary school and friends etc, she needs to make friends where we live and go out to play etc she just sits in the house now cos she wont go out cos she doesnt know anyone. girls can be so bitchy at secondary school too do i really want her to meet some new friends before she goes.

It might also help with her shyness by having school friends to go out to play with close to home.

 

[leeanne]

I think you are making a good decision in moving her now. If the head teacher isn't doing anything about it and if the mother of this child won't listen, nothing will get better!

Hope she's much happier in the new school!

 

[aimee-lou]

I agree with your decision whole-heartedly! I was bullied and moved schools because of it - then again I moved schools a lot for varying reasons.

I would make a point of following up with the headteacher to make sure that the girl in question does get some form of repercussion for what she has done to your DD, but I would agree that moving her to a feeder school for her senior school will be a good move in the long run.

You say she is shy, and so was I, but I got used to moving schools and only making friends with people who would actually be my friend. It's a key skill, and you may find that your DD grows in confidence becuase she has gotten rid of that millstone of a bully!

Sorry - I get a bit heated when it comes to bullies.

Good on you for supporting your daughter....if only more parents did the same thing! It's great that your DD feels confident enough to tell you what's going on

I hope that the move goes well.

 

[anita665]

Its a horrible situation to be in for the both of you. I was a very quiet child at school too and had similar problems as a result. Quiet children who don't stand up for themselves are an easy target and kids know this. We all know that children can be really nasty.

For now I would wait and see what happens as a result of talking to the school. With any luck something will be sorted out, although going by experience very little usually changes.

The best thing to try to do is work on building your DD's confidence which is clearly very knocked by this and is only going to make her more of a victim. This other girl must get a rise out of upsetting your DD so the more she shows she's bothered the worse the problem is likely to get. If the school have any sense, they will at the very least keep the children seperate.

Try as much as you can to encourage your DD to speak up and stand up for herself. I know it seems old fashioned advice but it really seems to work. I was quiet and an easy target until I began to stand up for myself and I've never looked back. If her confidence can't be built upon then she may well be an easy target even if she moves schools and certainly once she is in high school.

Perhaps her moving schools will be a good help if nothing changes with her current school though. The break from her bullying may well boost her confidence.

Good luck with it all. x

 

[nievesmama]

I think youve made the right decision in moving her.
I had to do the same with my daughter a few yeas ago, and it was the best decision i made.
It makes me cross when the head teachers dont do anything. I hope she gets on well at her new school x

 

[jo_79]

still nothing done today, the girl was told by the teacher to apologise to chloe for something today and she wouldnt, little cow, so chloe has been avoiding her, walking away if she tries to come join in a group who are happily playing, 2 of chloes friends said today they'd much rather play with her than the other girl which made her happy

I have emailed a new school so just hope they reply to me soon.

 

[shocker]

You've definatly made the right decision in moving her i think, i moved schools 4 months before really big exams when i was 15 and it did me the world of good! I loved my new school and was ten times happier and have always been so grateful to my mum for moving me.The teachers just dont have the power do anything they cant watch them all the time and some children can just be terrible bullies.I hope chloe likes her new school good luck

 

[LucindaE]

Just had to post, as I know so well what you are going through. It is so hard to be calm and rational when your child is being bullied. to you and your daughter. You both need them!

I am shocked that the Headteacher has not take any action. Surely the school must have a bullying policy? I don't claim to be an expert on these things, but I understood that they have to have a positive policy on bullying. Obviously, there it is a dead letter. It made me quite angry to read of her indifference to your daughter's misery.

I think that in such a situation, you are doing the right thing in moving her.
Obviously, in an ideal world it is the bully who should be moved, but we have to live in the real one...

Do write, or email - and complain to your Education Authority about the headtecher's lack of action.

I am sure you are doing it already, but it is always important to emphasize again and again to your daughter that there is nothing wrong with her, there was something wrong with the bully. Bullies always make people feel inadequate and you have to keep boosting their confidence.

How about getting her to join some activities that she can be good at where she can make new friends? Anything like swimming, dancing, drama, etc?

Best wishes to you both.

Lucinda
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[Alexandra91]

Just wanted to wish your Daughter good luck in her new school, making friends will be a lot easier if she goes to a new school before the bigger feeder school where no one will realise your daughter hasnt met anyone before. My family moved to a new area when i was 11 which meant i started high school without knowing any one, i hated it with a passion, i was also very quiet/shy. I deffo think u have made the right choice to move her. x

 

[jo_79]

Thanks for everyones reply.

Little update:
So the head talked to the other girl and so far nothing else has happened, she's probably moved onto another victim knowing she's being watched around chloe.

So i sent off the application to our local council for my 2 school preferences yesterday. Today i got a call from them saying my first choice had a space and i had to be quick to ring the school to take it up.

Been over checked out the school, its really nice etc so i took the place, only condition was she had to start back a week on monday, first day after the half term!!

So i called her old school left a message for the head there explaining.

I feel really bad now though cos i couldnt pick her up from school today as my oh had to take the car to work, so my mum had to pick her up and explain she wasnt going back again to that school, she's due home any minute and i know she'll be breaking her heart when she gets in bless her.

I know its for the best for her future though.

 

[sandy28]

Hun,you have made a good decision in moving her. She will be fine in the new school and will make friends.

 

[hypnorm]

blimey they sorted the move quickly! i wold have expected a start after easter.
But i think it will be better for her in the long run, shame she doesnt get to say good bye to her friends there but im sure she will make some more quickly and it willbe nice to have friends near.

I was very quiet at primary school and was bullied a bit but nothing was done, i also had a teacher say i was a bit 'slow' to my parents, she had her faves who were always having their work up on the wall, mine rarely made it.

Good luck and i hope she loves her new school, will be nice not to have a half hour drive to school.

 

[v2007]

Aww this post has nearly brought me to tears, im so sorry this little cow has been so mean to your daughter.

Im so glad you have managed to get her in another school, and im sure she
will grow up into a lovely lady.



V xxxx

 

[nievesmama]

Thats fantastic youve got it sorted so quick hun.
Hope your daughter gets on at her new school xx

 

[LucindaE]

I hope all is going well for you and your daughter.

LucindaE
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