Help with my 8yr old daughter please

[GersPrincess]

Hiya everyone,

I really hope someone can help me. I have no experience of this and don't know what to do.

My 9yr old son and 8yr old daughter started a new school in January. My daughter has always been confident, bubbly and outgoing with a gaggle of friends, whereas my son has been a bit quieter and takes his time getting to know people and then has select group of friends.

To start with, every day they came home on a high, all excited about how great their new school was, and how much they loved everything about it. Right up until last Tuesday. Jessica started complaining of a belly ache just before the school bus came. She didnt seem unwell in any other sense, so I sent her along to school anyway. She was fine when she came home, quiet, but not unwell. On the wednesday, she suddenly lost her school bus pass right before leaving the house, we turned it upside down looking for it, and found it in time to catch the bus, she was far from amused.
Thursday she was fine about going to school, came home very quiet, had a long shower before bed and went to sleep without complaining. Usually she gets her lucnhbox out her bag herself, but she hadnt that night, so I got it out. I found a little diary she'd made out of paper tied together with string, and in it she'd written a lot of things about a girl called kara, and all these things she'd been saying to her. I didnt ask her about it, as I didnt want her to think I was snooping, but I called the school on friday morning.
They said as far as they were concerned, she was settling in fine, they hadnt witnessed anything with this girl, but they'd keep an eye on things.

Jess was fine all weekend. Sunday night, 4am, she comes into our room and says she'd been sick. She did feel a little warm, so gave her some calpol and a drink and sent her back to bed. She got up with hubby at 6am and he says she was fine, chatting away with him etc, up until I got out of bed at 7am, when she suddenly got ill again. She said she had tummy ache, all her legs hurt and that she just wanted to sleep. So, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her have the day off. By 10am she was her usual self, so I said, ooh maybe you should go into school now... and again her illness returned. Then she got better at lunch time and stayed that way until hubby came in from work.

This morning, she was right as rain, although said she still had a tummy ache. I sent her to school. School rang me at lunchtime and said she was ill with tummy ache and I had to go and collect her. I went down, and spoke to the office staff and mentioned about this kara girl again, and asked how Jess was settling in. They assured me everything was fine, she was always with at least one friend but again they would monitor things.

I kid you not, before we'd even got home, she was 100% herself again. Hubby is convinced she is making up these illnesses, but I just dont know.
It could be a bug which comes and goes, but on the other hand it could be a bit of bullying or simply not having settled in yet.. what do you think? what would you do in my situation? how would you handle this?

Thanks for reading!

 

[kaths101]

ooo a difficult one

Have you asked your daughter how shes getting on, maybe ask her who her friends are, anyone she doesnt like - maybe this Kara girls name will come up? Try and do it on a one to one with no interuptions - dont push her too much but she may open up. My niece is 9 and has an issue with a girl at school - she didnt say anything but my sister overheard her talking to her friend up in her bedroom.. i think girls that age are very aware and dont want to worry you?

I hope you can get it sorted - it sounds too much of a co-incidence that her 'illness' comes and goes.. and when it comes to hiding her bus pass etc that sounds like she isnt wanting to go to school. Do you know if this Kara goes on the bus? maybe thats the problem?

 

[Mummytofour]

I've had a similar situation and I find I get more information from her siblings.
Try talking to your son first to see if he has noticed/heard anything?

I would also take the "diary" with this girls name on into the school and force them to take the issue seriously, as there is obviously something not quite right. They have parental responsibility for your children when then are at school and should be as concerned as you are as a parent!

Good Luck

 

[tallybee]

Tricky. If this girl has been bullying your daughter, it is vital that the school takes it seriously. I would be in there refusing to leave until they listen! Clearly she isn't settling in fine from what you've said

I think with this illness thing - it is possible that she's looking for excuses not to go to school, if she's having bother, but I know what it can feel like to be made to feel so uncomfortable that it makes you feel sick to the stomach. The anticipation of having to deal with more crap from someone can really do that. So I wouldn't punish her for making up illness as that's likely to make the situation even worse.

Also, as was said above - a chat with your daughter, and your son as well, he may have noticed something, may shed some light.

Good luck x

 

[LaaLaa]

I think you need a sit down appointment with her teacher. Don't try and 'catch' them at the end of the day, they'll be eager to leave and fob you off - write a note in your daughter's bookbag or give direct to office saying you need to talk and asking them to contact you at their earliest convenience. In my experience most teachers appreciate that and will contact you almost immediately. If you mention everything you've said here then they will have to take it seriously.

 

[Miss_d]

I think you should maybe speak to your daughter, even take her to a cafe for a treat just the two of you and bring it upto her and see what she says, I hope you get to the bottom of it

 

[GersPrincess]

Thanks for your replies. Jess is off school again today, but she actually has got a temperature and sore throat. I rang the school to let them know this morning and spoke to a different lady. She said that she got the impression that Jess was missing her old school friends and me when she's at school, but that she is an absolute delight to have in class.
I'm going to take her to the Drs this afternoon to get her completely checked over and rule out any sickness.

I am going to go and see her class teacher on monday and I will take her diary with me , great suggestion, thanks.
I will also speak to Joe and see what he's noticed. That's a good call actually.
I do know that Kara doesnt get on the school bus as she lives more locally, the school told me that this morning, but because I dont have a car at the minute unless the kids get the school bus, I cant get them to school, so I imagine this is why we keep getting the disappearing bus passes.. although the school told me today that they dont actually need to show them when they get on/off the bus as the bus driver knows them all by sight!
Thanks again, hopefully one way or the other we'll get to the bottom of whats going on. Its great to know I'm not imagining things, or wrapping her in cotton wool as i'm so often accused of doing!! xx

 

[jbarefield74]

Have you tried talking about it with your daughter? You should talk to her about it. Let her know and let her feel that you are someone she could count on. Then, when you get your answers, thats the time you will do your job. It is either to talk to the school staff or to consult a doctor. And if ever both won't work, you better send her to another school. There are so many schools and even boarding schools in US. Just don't forget that you should be the primary person that your daughter should count on.