Update: not only did he kick me out, he changed the locks. He's being a butthead and saying it's me! Anyway, he's still maintaining he will take full custody. So... I met with a lawyer today. The lawyer is in my hometown (which I'm moving back to since being kicked out. Staying here with parents, sign a lease on an apartment in a week). My lawyer is cut-throat, no nonsense. Other lawyers are scared to go against him in court -- they usually lose. He's that good... and expensive. $3,000 to be exact. So, I'm drawing out of my retirement, but I have to in this situation.
Moral dilemma: where I live, once fob signs birth certificate, he has equal rights. At that point he could grab her and run out. Police will not bring her back to me unless I have a court order saying 1. I have custody 2. He needs to give her back. He could keep her until we went to court, I would have to file an emergency custody hearing.
My lawyer says we can't risk this. I agree. He says technically, I don't have to invite him to her birth - he wouldn't. 1. No relationship, no obligation. He says she will be a newborn, they do not have a relationship. Also, as far as "promoting a good relationship for the other parent" (which courts favor the parent who does this and usually award custody to the more responsible parent who facilitates this) does not exist for the previous reason. It would be different if she were 5, but she's a newborn and we were never married. I wanted shared custody with not child support, but he said that's not an option given that I had to move an hour away. 1 of us will have full custody (me) and hr will get short visitation while she is young (a few hrs, at my place) that would build up to every other weekend (at most) when she is older. Also, once she's born, I will have to file for custody. I have a month to get $3,000 to pay my lawyer (do-able, but tough) and then we can begin.
So, the plan is: once she's born, when I'm discharged I text him to tell him he's a father. We immediately file for custody, have a hearing in approximately 2 weeks. I will get custody, he will get visitation. At that point, he will be ordered child support by the court.
I feel guilty not allowing him at the birth, but I can't risk him taking her. He would, given that I cannot trust him to be rational, as exhibited by kicking me out and changing the locks, threatening me with court, etc. I also don't want child support, but I can't help that the court will automatically order it. It will all go into a savings account for her. I am going to look like a horrible person. He will tell her that I am the reason he can't see her often and why he couldn't be at her birth. I am so conflicted.
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