He's being nice now...

[Dream.dream]

He can be at the Birth and not sign the birth certificate . You just don't let him fill out papers . I get your lawyer is cut throat but I work on law and that doesn't always work to you advantage now a days. Some judges will look at the not let him at the birth and such as you being petty am trying to keep him from his child and it may work against you.

They are about the child's best interest and if you offer supervised visitation he can't run off with her and you still look like your trying .

Just soemthing to think about

 

[Seren0613]

He says me not allowing him at the birth wouldn't factor in (there is no relationship with he and the child at this point).

We do not have a relationship, there is no obligation for him to be present or request his presence. If a relationship with an unborn child were arguable, so is he kicking me (and essentially) her out, which would be considered abandonment. But, since she's not born, it's a moot point.

 

[justhoping]

He doesnt need to be at the birth no, but dream.dream is right with everything else..
been dealing with my x and court AND kids and the last thing you want to do is look petty and look vendictive because they will hold that against you even if he is the one being the (dog)...
you want to show when the baby is born that you want him to be apart of the childs life, although supervised until you feel he can be trusted. Because as long as you look like your trying and he keeps doing creepy things...you will look like the stable one..

court is a tricky thing.....though you probably want him to have nothing to do with her...and i can undertand that...the court will side with him....i hate having to let him in...you know...but as long as i let the court know im trying on my side...i look like the good parent,...

i wish you luck..hopefully he just backs off and you dont even have to think about him ever again.....but if not.....((hugs))....

 

[Seren0613]

No, I am for joint custody. He wants full.

 

[helen_beee]

Just butting in over here! I did not let FOB at birth, why would I? I needed support and he wouldn't give it, he had absolutely no right to be at the birth when I was at my most vulnerable. But I would try to be as nice as possible, facilitate their relationship as courts will look positively at this. Encourage visitation but I agree you should have full custody.

With my FOB I always offered visitation and tried to encourage their relationship and now he's proved to be a waste of space it all reflects better on me. Plus I wanted my LO to have a relationship with his dad, more people to love him can't be bad xx

 

[Larkspur]

I feel guilty not allowing him at the birth, but I can't risk him taking her. He would, given that I cannot trust him to be rational, as exhibited by kicking me out and changing the locks, threatening me with court, etc. I also don't want child support, but I can't help that the court will automatically order it. It will all go into a savings account for her. I am going to look like a horrible person. He will tell her that I am the reason he can't see her often and why he couldn't be at her birth. I am so conflicted.

In the nicest possible way hon, this should be the furtherest thing from your mind.

Firstly, because you don't have a crystal ball, so can't see how things will be even six months down the track, let alone several years when your baby will be able to form an opinion on the relationship between her mum and dad (assuming he is still bothering to have contact), so there's no reason to worry now.

And secondly because fuck him. Seriously, a man does not get to kick out his pregnant partner, change the locks, withhold her possessions, threaten her with court and then be at the birth. HE is the horrible person here.

I'm with your lawyer. Be unflinchingly civil to him and unfailing prompt and reasonable when dealing with the legal system, but do not give that man an inch or an ounce more than the minimum the law offers. He has not earned it.

 

[Dezireey]

A woman has the right to refuse ANYONE to be present at the birth of her baby that is not actively involved in assisting with the birth ( medical professionals). Even if you are married and suddenly decide you don't want your lovely, caring husband present, then that is what the nurses, midwives and doctors will facilitate for the Mother. It is about creating the most stress free environment for a mother giving birth, it is not about the father demanding to be present and getting shitty if he isn't, and then taking the mother to court because she wouldn't let him be there for the birth of his child. I mean, can you imagine? A woman in labour screaming her head off saying 'get him out, I don't want him here' and the midwife saying 'shush dear, he has a right to be here??' Then the mothers blood pressure goes through the roof endangering both her and baby's life. Nope, stress free is best and FOB can just wait outside or visit at another day. I may have read this thread wrong, so apologies but if the OP doesn't want this guy at the birth nor does she want him on the birth certificate then she has the right to do that. If he wants to add his name, he can fight through the courts to do that.

Showing respect and kindness towards the Mother of his unborn child is his first port of call. Locking her out and treating her like shite is not the best start.

 

[justhoping]

No, I am for joint custody. He wants full.

good for you, that makes it look like your very willing to work something with him and he is showing what a d*ck he really is...it also shows your child you where very willing to do whatever you could for there relationship...now if he screws it up it will show on him...and only him..
that will look very good on your end hun

im thinking about you in all this mess...((hugs))