Hi all, wanting some advise if possible?

[Shabutie]

Hi, ive just joined this website.

Ive come here for some advise really as i dont feel its something i can talk to my mum about.

Basically, I have explained to my Fiance that i would really love a baby. He was a little reserved at the beggining, dut to our situation at the moment.

Being that i start a university course (2yrs) in september and that we are planning and saving up for a wedding in 2011.

He has just started a new job in the Navy so will be away alot.

However, he now cant wait for a baby, and wants to tell the world that we will be trying for one in September when he comes home.

But does it seems like i want my cake and to eat it at the same time??

I feel that i will be able to cope with it all, and will have my family to support me. ( Although they may be shocked at first)

What do you all think? Also that i am 19 and H2B is 21.

Thanks for reading

Jessie x

 

[amylk87]

This is sort of similar to my situation. I'm in Uni (1 yr left) and my OH has always wanted a baby but always said 'in the future', but has now said he really wants a baby. Part of me was like, ok lets do it now, but i know i have to wait till i finish uni.

One thing im wondering about, are you wanting to have the baby whilst still going uni, or are you going to postpone course?

If your OH would like to start trying, then why not, if you feel you can cope. Good luck

 

[Shabutie]

Thank you for the reply. I would intend on carry on my Uni course. Thats why i was wondering if i was trying to have my cake and eat it so to speak.

I do feel i can cope, and H2B feels ready, and thinks we can manage.

Its just i always said that i would finish uni first, get a stable job in what ive just qualified in, then have a baby. Its difficult to explain, but i feel my body is ready for a baby, and i know in my head and in my heart i am.

i know if i told my mum i was planning, she may try and encourage me to wait, but i dont want to, nor does H2B... its all very confusing.

Jessie x

 

[amylk87]

I know what you mean, about finishing course getting job then having baby - but being ready NOW.

There is a woman on my course who is pregnant, and luckily her due date falls in the summer so that she can come back to uni in Sept. Maybe you should try to plan the baby around the term times etc. Then you can do both?

 

[Mrs. JJ]

My only advise is to give it a lot of thought. You have school and a wedding to think about and these things can very easily be put on hold because of a baby. You are young still, you and your OH have a lot of time ahead of you without trying to cram it all in now. This is the best advise I got... You have the rest of your lives to be married and be parents, don't rush into it now because you won't get a chance to enjoy this time in your life again.

 

[calliebaby]

I think that waiting at least until you are into your second year of school would be smart. You do not know how your body will react to being pregnant, or when the baby will decide to come. If you get pregnant your first year, you may have to postpone school for the delivery/recovery. Also, is your fiance going to be away temporarily or in a couple years be at home more? It will be very hard to try to finish school, have a baby and have a husband away from you. One last thing, having a baby also makes it harder to get married. My friend was just blessed with a "surprise" baby. He is a wonderful baby and her and her fiance love their child very much, but with the expenses of the baby, will have to wait at least another year to get married. Ultimately in the end only you and your fiance know what is best for you when it comes to expanding your family. I wish you all the best with whatever choice you make. I do not mean to sounds skeptical, rather realistic. If you feel like now is the time, I wish you the best of luck!!!

 

[Shabutie]

Thanks for the advise all.

I think when H2B comes back in September i may have another chat with him about the situation, just to see if he still feels the same, as it will be the first chat about it, face to face.

Any more advise/ views from people?

Jessie x

 

[Pyrrhic]

Honestly, I would wait until you are married. Not because I believe you have to be to TTC, but because you will have so many benefits available to you as a forces wife that you wouldn't otherwise get. Subsidised accommodation, allowances, and a network of wives with children going through similar circumstances to name a few.

Why not bring the wedding forward?

 

[Shabutie]

I think that waiting at least until you are into your second year of school would be smart. You do not know how your body will react to being pregnant, or when the baby will decide to come. If you get pregnant your first year, you may have to postpone school for the delivery/recovery. Also, is your fiance going to be away temporarily or in a couple years be at home more? It will be very hard to try to finish school, have a baby and have a husband away from you. One last thing, having a baby also makes it harder to get married. My friend was just blessed with a "surprise" baby. He is a wonderful baby and her and her fiance love their child very much, but with the expenses of the baby, will have to wait at least another year to get married. Ultimately in the end only you and your fiance know what is best for you when it comes to expanding your family. I wish you all the best with whatever choice you make. I do not mean to sounds skeptical, rather realistic. If you feel like now is the time, I wish you the best of luck!!!

Thank you alot

My Fiance is away for a lot for alot of the time. He works away 4 months at a time then back 2 1/2 months and away 4 months etc...

So it will be like that all our lives.

Jessie x

 

[Shabutie]

Honestly, I would wait until you are married. Not because I believe you have to be to TTC, but because you will have so many benefits available to you as a forces wife that you wouldn't otherwise get. Subsidised accommodation, allowances, and a network of wives with children going through similar circumstances to name a few.

Why not bring the wedding forward?

I wasnt aware of the benefits available.

I chose the wedding to be in 2 yrs time as i will have finished uni and we will be able to save up some more money.

Jessie x

 

[calliebaby]

That must be hard. I'm sorry.

 

[Shabutie]

Calliebaby: It is very difficult, but i have got used to it now. Plus he has never stopped me doing what i have always wanted, so i cant do the same to him, as he loves his job.

 

[calliebaby]

Actually, I forgot to mention that my husband and I are WTT until I get closer to finishing school. It is hard because I am 27 and definitely feel ready, but I know that I will not be able to finish my schooling if we try now. I feel like I have committed too much time and money into school to postpone it further. I hope some of this helps.... whatever you choose.

 

[calliebaby]

Calliebaby: It is very difficult, but i have got used to it now. Plus he has never stopped me doing what i have always wanted, so i cant do the same to him, as he loves his job.

That is wonderful of you. I have a lot of respect for you.

 

[Shabutie]

Calliebaby: It is very difficult, but i have got used to it now. Plus he has never stopped me doing what i have always wanted, so i cant do the same to him, as he loves his job.

That is wonderful of you. I have a lot of respect for you.

Thank you. I know what he is doing, workwise, will benefit us as a family

Its difficult to know when the time is right, we both feel it is now, but will just wait and see if our views on it change is September (i doubt it )

xx

 

[Sarahkka]

Everybody handles pregnancy and motherhood differently. I am always amazed by the women who just seem to take it in stride and barely alter from their plans at all.
My own experience (in my 30s and planned my pregnancy) was that I was gobsmacked by how much work a baby was (is!). I really thought that I would have a lot of time to do all sorts of projects on my mat leave and I've really had to scale back my expectations. That's okay, because this time is about my son, not about my plans. You might be one of those women who has a baby and has no problem finishing all her other goals, but just in case, I would get that schooling done first. I think you wil be glad you did.
Can I ask you to do something awful, just for a second? Imagine that something happens to your husband. I'm sure that the forces will provide you and your child with some sort of benefits, but wouldn't you also like to know that you have some very marketable skills under your belt? Personally, I feel more confident as a woman and as a mother knowing that I could take care of myself and my child should something happen to my husband. I can go out and get a good job with benefits that will keep a roof over our heads. That means something to me.
That schooling is important. Don't underestimate how valuable it could be and how difficult it might be to attain if you try to balance it with motherhood.
Two years will go by in the blink of an eye and I will guarantee you that education is something that you won't regret.
Just something to mull over between now and September!

 

[Amygdala]

Hi and welcome here!
I agree with some other people on here that personally, if it was my decision, I'd definately finish uni. You've only got two years, so could start trying in just over a year and a half if you wanted. Uni can be tough anyway and would be so much harder with a LO to look after, especially if you're a "single mum" 3 months at a time.
But I'd wait for another reason as well. Getting married and being a young couple is such a special and exciting time. So is having kids, but you're very young, you've got plenty of time to enjoy that in a few years time. As great as the pregnancy experience might be, I think you'd miss out on the whole young marriage experience.
Do you live with your H2B when he's at home? That's another thing that I would want to try out (and hopefully enjoy) before a baby comes along and adds extra stress.
The same goes for uni. I think it's possible (if a million times harder) to go through uni with a baby, but you'll definately miss out on some of the fun. And I don't just mean going out and drinking yourself senseless, I mean coffees with mates, meeting new people, discussing a book you just read, all those little things. Because with a baby you'll have to time manage a LOT more than your average student.
I can understand that feeling of being ready *NOW*. But think about what life will be like with a baby right now (not just the little hands and feet and the smile, but everything, good and bad, your marriage, your goals in life, uni, where you'll live and what your day will look like) and in 10, 20 and 30 years time. And then think about what it will be like if you wait, say, 2 years to have a baby.
Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck with it.

 

[bubbles]

I was gobsmacked by how much work a baby was (is!). I really thought that I would have a lot of time to do all sorts of projects on my mat leave and I've really had to scale back my expectations.

I Know exactly what you mean here.

Personally hun I would finish uni and get the wedding out the way or even as close as possible before TTC. Reason being if you have your qualifications they're never going to go away so you can easily fall into a job once you are ready to return to work also Weddings are alot of hard work and can be very expensive if you plan your dream wedding, don't get me wrong they are alot of fun planning but it could take alot longer to plan if you are looking after a baby aswell. Good luck in what ever you choose xx

 

[lozzy21]

Hi and welcome. Personaly id wait untill you have finished uni and are married.
With uni as some of the girls have said you dont know how your body is going to react to being pregnant, you may have a breeze when your pregnant or you could get horrendous(sp?) morning sickness and fatigue witch would make uni so much harder.You wont have to worrie about getting assiments done while affectivly being a single mam for 3/4 months at a time.
If you wait untill you are married you can live in the family accomidation with your OH so he can be there while your pregnant and once you have the baby he wont be a weekend dad. You also get cheeper rent and council tax.

 

[carla15x]

This is sort of similar to my situation. I'm in Uni (1 yr left) and my OH has always wanted a baby but always said 'in the future', but has now said he really wants a baby. Part of me was like, ok lets do it now, but i know i have to wait till i finish uni.

One thing im wondering about, are you wanting to have the baby whilst still going uni, or are you going to postpone course?

If your OH would like to start trying, then why not, if you feel you can cope. Good luck

I'm exactly the same situation as amylk87, waiting to finish uni
= ]

Good Luck with everything bab xx