Hi Im new Lost my daughter at 21 weeks

[Bec C]

Hi just wanted to introduce myself My name is Rebecca I am 32 In July I lost my daughter Eliza Faith at 21 weeks. My waters ruptured for no reason and I had to give birth. My placenta got stuck so I lostalot of blood and had to be put to sleep to remove it. I nearly never made it and was ill for along time.

Its over 6 months now and although things are a bit easier, I do find the bad days still bad. I have lots of guilt that my body let her down, and I hate that shes not here with us. I constantly think what I should be doing. I struggle to look at other babies I even feel hatred towards them sometimes!!! Which I hate, this experience has brought out some horrible traits in me, like anger, jealousy and quite angry at times.

I can say it does get easier and I can o a few days without crying now, for all of you whos loss is very recent, I can say it does get slightly easier to bear, I wont say it gets better as thats not the right word, but the good days start to overtake the bad days, and the original good days in the beginning start to become like a bad day now. So when I had a good day at the beginning, I would only cry a bit, that now is more like a bad day if that makes sense.

What I do find had is all the reminders in the post and emails thanks to people like Emmas diary who send allsorts through to me about photography and nappy offers and such.

I am so sorry others are going through this.

I am glad to find a site that I can offload to I hope you dont mind.

 

[jojo23]

hi hun im so sorry for your loss!!! its almost a year for me since i lost my daughter at 22 weeks. i never got a reason for it although when i went for my 20 week scan my fluids were very low. i totally understand what you mean though about feeling like your body is letting you down... i was so angry for a long time at myself and thinking i did something wrong but i know i didnt and that it was completely out of my hands.

i have mostly good days now and im so thankful to be pregnant again although its the scariest thing ever! the ladies here are truely amazing and we laugh cry and talk about our angels on a daily basis so although we hate to see a new face for obvious reasons your so so welcome! if you need anything we are always here!

thinking of your little angel xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Bec C]

Thank you xxx

Do you have a stitch this time? Or are you just being monitored? I so want to try again but Im scared it will happen again. My dr said If I want a stitch he'll do it if not we'll wait and see. Its my call!! Im scared to amke the wrong choice

 

[OliveBay]

Hi Rebecca, I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you've found this place. Its a great place to offload, and the women on here are so supportive and caring.

I'm Sally and I lost my little boy at 22 weeks in September. It was our first baby and everything had been fine until I just stopped feeling movements for a couple of days so went to get checked out and a scan showed that he had died. They've not found a specific cause but his cord was over-coiled which may have restricted the blood supply, and they've said hopefully this won't happen again in a future pregnancy, although I will be monitored closely.

Like you I have good days and bad days now. Sometimes it all just feels like a bad dream, or something that happened years ago to someone else - my concept of time is so skewed now. I am so grateful for being able to come here and share my worries and thoughts with people who know what I've been through.

Sending you lots of hugs and comfort

 

[Bec C]

Thank you. Im sorry you have gone through this too, noone should ever have to its just so hard xx

Congrats on trying again. I want to be pregnant before the anniversary of Elizas death if I can. I think it may help alittle. But so scared it will go wrong again, I know it will be hard but I really want to try again x

 

[winterwonder]

Hi Rebecca, I'm so sorry for your loss i hope that by coming here you can find the support you need, the ladies here are always really helpful and happy to listen!

I found out my little boy was gone at my 20week scan in september, there was nothing wrong with him or me, which i found really difficult to get my head around although the doctors were positive about it, and sadly i also lost another at 8 weeks recently, but i do hope to ry again in a few months time.

lots of hugs

christine xx

 

[Bec C]

Im sorry Christine xx

I love your little pic so sweet. I hope you have some success in the coming yr also xx

 

[DueSeptember]

My waters ruptured at 23 weeks and I Lost Maya at 24 weeks...I am sorry for your Lost...we all know how it is

 

[NYcountrygirl]

This site is a great place to find support in those who have gone through similar losses as you have. Hugs to you. So sorry for your loss.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi Rebecca,
I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious daughter
It does get better with time and thank God for that

I was 40 and already had 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and getting pregnant was not even on my mind. Then I got the shock of my life and I was overjoyed.
Then to find out I was having a girl was just something I could not explain. I never in a million years planned to be pregnant at 40 and to ever have my dream of a daughter . I went for Amnio and before they could do it they did a sonogram and my Ava was gone I was devastated/ I had 3 healthy pregnancies but I was 21, 23 and 30 and when you have youth on your side very few things go wrong. I blamed myself for being pregnant at 40. I never thought in a million years I would ever loose a baby, but I did. They are not sure why she died, they say they are 90% sure it was chromosomal. They say you usually loose the baby much earlier but for me it was just one of those things that happened late. I heard her heartbeat at 7 weeks it was 192. I never even thought of all the problems I could face.
That was 11 months ago and I am better now but I miss Ava more than words . I go visit her grave every other day and I thank God I have a place to go and talk with her.
I am supposed to be trying again in March, but I just don't know if I will be. I am just confused and terrified something will happen again, i will be 42 in June so i don't have much time.
Anyway we are all here for you if you ever need to talk or anything. These ladies are amazing and have helped me so much. I thank God for them.
Again, i am so sorry for your loss

 

[Bec C]

Awww dear of you Andy panda xx

My mum had me at 43 so you have time no rush xx I want to try again this spring/summer If I can have all my tests first and lose abit of comfort eating weight. I absolutely love the name Ava it was one of our choices for Eliza. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful baby Im sure.
Take care I am here if anyone is having a moment and wants a chat. Goodness knows I will need you guys sometimes. Thank you for all the support. It seems such a nice friendly site xx

 

[kiki04]

Hi Rebecca I am so sorry you had to join us here It is not a place I ever imagined I would be... but since I am here, since I HAVE to be here... I am so glad I found this group because the support I have gotten from these amazing ladies has been tremendous and I would have never made it out of that dark place without them

I lost my daughter Hadlee at 17 weeks. I went in for a routine appointment and she couldnt find a HB. Told me to come back in a couple days, we will try again. Still no HB, so I had bloodwork done and she was sending me for an u/s the next day. I wasnt waiting and went for a private scan that night. No HB I was sent to the hospital to see if they could give me more answers. They did blood tests and sent me home I was to come back at 11:00am the next day for my u/s to confirm. I got there and there was a "scheduling mishap" and I had to wait until 1:30 in the waiting room. Well they got me to at least fill out the paper work at 11:00 when I was there, but my Dr had called me at that time to tell me the results of the previous days HCG blood draw. It was 4000.... and I know al these numbers, and I knew what that meant. I instantly broke down bawling in the waiting room hearing those numbers. Everyone in there (and it was full) had to have known what was going on. The nurses took me into one of the rooms as they basically knew as well without asking. They had a tech come in immediately to do my scan.... then they had a second one come in to be double sure. Then they handed me a box of kleenex and told me she had died and left the room. The next day I was booked in for a D&C. Right now, 8 months later, I can still feel 100% how I felt that day. Not one day goes by that Hadlee doesnt cross my mind.... but I am better today then I was yesterday, and yesterday I was better then I was the day before and so on and so fourth. We continue to grow and relish in the fact that even though for such a short time... we had them! They were OURS and we were the only ones who got to touch this perfect child. This tiny little person had such a big impact on our lives, and helped ME to see that the trivial things, are just that. They really arent as big of an issue as I made them out to be. I now know whats really important in life, and just how easily a life can be taken away from you. I have learned SO MUCH from losing my daughter that I can actually sit and think about her and smile, knowing I HAVE my very own angel.... a perfect little angel, who I created! Not everyone is special enough to be able to grow their very own perfect angel. I obviously always will miss her and wish things were so very different, as I would rather have my own child here with me, then my own angel watching over me. I am supposed to watch her grow not the other way around.... but I cant change this. I cant fix this or make it better. I needed to be able to accept that and it took awhile, but I learned how and can feel joy again. You will get there... we all will eventually, in our own time. Everyone will take different routes, but we will all get there one day. I'm glad you are almost there, and as each day passes, each day gets a little bit easier

 

[ShanandBoc]

Hey Becci

So glad u are finding support on this forum. I wish i could understand more what you are going through, i feel like ive been of no help to you whatsoever I guess its one of those things that you just dont quite understand the pain unless it happens to you....i couldnt even imagine how hard it would be

Hope the ladies on here give you the support, understanding and comfort u deserve, and so sorry to all who have lost their dear little babies xoxox

 

[Bride2b]

Hi Rebecca, I'm glad you have found your way here after your loss to help you get through the bad days and help you through the days leading up to getting your rainbow.

I'm Gemma and 9 weeks ago today I lost my first baby at 19 weeks, we named him Bertie. Like you my waters ruptured for no reason. I'd had a few tummy pains and a bit of a back ache. I thought they were growing pains - nothing that I didnt think would be normal in pregnancy. The pains got worse just before my waters broke at about 3pm. I went to hospital knowing that it was all over, they checked for a heartbeat and they found it beating away nice & strong. They kept me there to see what would happen, constantly checking for infection & told me that I might need to terminate the pregnancy if I developed an infection. This was not an option I was willing to even consider. Anyway at 11.30 my precious little angel was born. I was totally numb and just seemed to get on with everything. I held him for a while, but not as long as I wished I had. You never expect this to happen so you dont create a plan in your head about what you would do in this situation.

Like you I am going to try again. If they found no cause for your waters to break the the chances of it happening again are 0.1% This is what they have told me, and logically I see no reason why this should happen again. it doesnt make getting pregnant again any less terrifying but the odds are greatly stacked in our favour.

This forum is a brilliant place to chat, there are a fair few of us ready to try again, some who are trying again & others who are cautiously pregnant again. I am going to start trying again next month. I had my first AF at the beginning of this month & dont think I OV'd so am hoping next month will be the start of a new chapter of finally getting my rainbow. I hope you come back & get involved....people in the real world dont understand what you must be feeling & how nervous you are, but we do. I wish you all the luck in the world with trying again. It will be different next time xxxx

 

[Bec C]

Thank you kiki thats just so sweet how you have found a way to cope, I am so sorry for the way you were treated though that is not great is it?!

And thank you Shannon for steering me to this site, you have helped so much and have kept me focused on the hope. Very often I say to myself shes my anchor so thank you for that xxx

Bridetobe thank you, and Im so sorry you had the same thing. Noone should have to go through this. Like you my little girl was kicking away lovely it was my body that let her down. I had to sit and watch her on the scan as her heart beat slowed up and stopped, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it, It was a single moment I will never forget or get over as long as I live.

I am wondering whether to try and get a cerclage next time, but they come with their own risks. It will be a tremendous journey but I so want to try again, Im desperate for another. It doesnt elp that alot of my friends are pg including my sister, who I cant face at all. And alot of the ones I have befriended who lost theirs has fell pg again. I am so happy for them but feel sad for myself.

I need to lose a bit of weight, get my back fixed and have some swabs and things taken before I ttc again. I am worried it might have been BV or IC but I want to rule out BV before I try again.

Its a great site Im still trying to find my way around

 

[jojo23]

when my fluids were low hun i wasnt leaking or anything so they just put it down to one of those things. but when i found out i was pregnant with this LO they swabbed me straight away for BV and have swabbed me every month since so they are meticulous about things like that! your gp can test for it and have the results in a week or 2 !!

we're all here to support you whenever you decide to ttc again and all the time in between, i know a few ladies here who are eating healthy etc so your not alone at all.... always here for you xxxx

 

[Bec C]

are they all on this part of the site or somewhere else? Im lost on this site at the moment! Could I have swabs done now before I start to try again? I want a smear test done too to rule out cervical cancer, I want to cover every base

 

[Bride2b]

https://www.babyandbump.com/second-trimester-losses/455615-life-after-loss-support-group-all-welcome-303.html

This link is to the general chatter to do with life after loss. Come join in xx

 

[Bec C]

thank you its a huge thread I cant read it all! But I'll have a good look thank you for beingso kind

 

[DueSeptember]

are they all on this part of the site or somewhere else? Im lost on this site at the moment! Could I have swabs done now before I start to try again? I want a smear test done too to rule out cervical cancer, I want to cover every base

I had a colpo done when I was 13 weeks and it came back I had cin3 but my Doctor couldnt do much because I was pregnant had a LEEP done after I had her so I am trying to wait because when you have work done on your cervix I heard it is not good to start to try again so soon but I asked my Doctor what happen and she said "it happens" they took swabs and blood tests took urine and nothing came back