My name is Krista - I have posted some on the TTC board during the last couple of months when I thought I could be pregnant, but now we have decided to wait.
I have a 3 year old son, Alex, the light of my life, born February 11, 2005.. I will give you a little bit of background on this. Sorry if you already read this on the TTC board - but it helps to understand where I'm coming from with being nervous about having more children...
TTC is a touchy subject for me because even though I feel physically and financially ready, and relationship wise we are good-to-go, I went through a lot of emotional issues the first time. First off I was 19 years old, my husband was 25 but it was his first child too. I gained a lot of weight - about 70 lbs. Dilated 1cm at 27 weeks and stayed on strict bed rest until 37 weeks (when I had him) which drove me completely insane . He was flown out to Children's only 5 hours post-birth with no assurance to me that he'd make it there. We stayed there for 2 weeks treating him for Hyaline Membrane Disease with oxygen, feeding tubes, needles, monitors... need I say more. I got no sleep and was battling Mastitis since he couldn't nurse and I was producing more milk than I could pump - I was pumping two 4 ounce bottles every 3 hours. It was the most emotionally draining 2 weeks of my life. I still haven't gone to the preemie forum here, I haven't had the guts to yet . Finally he got better (thankfully this is a temporary condition, once treated gone for good) and we were able to come home. But I didn't get better. DH and I even split up when Alex was 8 months old because things had gotten so bad. All I did was cry and try to self-rid my mood swings by forcing a smile on my face. I hated everything but my baby. I wanted DH home all day and when he came home I wanted him gone. I was SO MAD at myself that I couldn't control my emotions. I knew how I was being and that it was uncalled-for but I didn't know how to deal with it. Especially since I didn't even know what depression was in its modest form before I had him. I just kept trying to rationalize that I was justified so I never got help. I hardly ever changed out of my pj's. All I wanted to do was hold him. When people came to visit I literally had to shut myself in my room with pillows over my head JUST because someone (other than myself, my husband, or MY mother) was touching him. RIDICULOUS. UGH it makes me sick thinking about it. I didn't finally get treated for post-partum depression with meds and counselling until Alex was a year and a half old. WAY TOO LONG. I'm still taking the meds for it (mostly preventative) and he'll be three in a couple of weeks. Anyway I learned a lot from it and I am much more exerienced, stable, and prepared now for what could come but I just don't know if I am ready to say YES, let's make this happen. But at the same time I want to.
So after talking all of this out and kind of merging it in with the other plans that we have, it made sense that we wait until the end of this year. Just in the last few days we've gotten our paperwork back from the county with the go-ahead permission to build our house. Hopefully it will be done around the end of the year. I have only 4 classes left to finish my Associates degree which I prefer to do in 2 semesters (end of the year), and I want to lose about 20 pounds, which I hope to do within 6 months. SO - that puts us in a good spot at the end of this year to try.
SO - we are all in this together girls! Let's keep this board interesting since this waiting game isn't much fun
I have a 3 year old son, Alex, the light of my life, born February 11, 2005.. I will give you a little bit of background on this. Sorry if you already read this on the TTC board - but it helps to understand where I'm coming from with being nervous about having more children...
TTC is a touchy subject for me because even though I feel physically and financially ready, and relationship wise we are good-to-go, I went through a lot of emotional issues the first time. First off I was 19 years old, my husband was 25 but it was his first child too. I gained a lot of weight - about 70 lbs. Dilated 1cm at 27 weeks and stayed on strict bed rest until 37 weeks (when I had him) which drove me completely insane . He was flown out to Children's only 5 hours post-birth with no assurance to me that he'd make it there. We stayed there for 2 weeks treating him for Hyaline Membrane Disease with oxygen, feeding tubes, needles, monitors... need I say more. I got no sleep and was battling Mastitis since he couldn't nurse and I was producing more milk than I could pump - I was pumping two 4 ounce bottles every 3 hours. It was the most emotionally draining 2 weeks of my life. I still haven't gone to the preemie forum here, I haven't had the guts to yet . Finally he got better (thankfully this is a temporary condition, once treated gone for good) and we were able to come home. But I didn't get better. DH and I even split up when Alex was 8 months old because things had gotten so bad. All I did was cry and try to self-rid my mood swings by forcing a smile on my face. I hated everything but my baby. I wanted DH home all day and when he came home I wanted him gone. I was SO MAD at myself that I couldn't control my emotions. I knew how I was being and that it was uncalled-for but I didn't know how to deal with it. Especially since I didn't even know what depression was in its modest form before I had him. I just kept trying to rationalize that I was justified so I never got help. I hardly ever changed out of my pj's. All I wanted to do was hold him. When people came to visit I literally had to shut myself in my room with pillows over my head JUST because someone (other than myself, my husband, or MY mother) was touching him. RIDICULOUS. UGH it makes me sick thinking about it. I didn't finally get treated for post-partum depression with meds and counselling until Alex was a year and a half old. WAY TOO LONG. I'm still taking the meds for it (mostly preventative) and he'll be three in a couple of weeks. Anyway I learned a lot from it and I am much more exerienced, stable, and prepared now for what could come but I just don't know if I am ready to say YES, let's make this happen. But at the same time I want to.
So after talking all of this out and kind of merging it in with the other plans that we have, it made sense that we wait until the end of this year. Just in the last few days we've gotten our paperwork back from the county with the go-ahead permission to build our house. Hopefully it will be done around the end of the year. I have only 4 classes left to finish my Associates degree which I prefer to do in 2 semesters (end of the year), and I want to lose about 20 pounds, which I hope to do within 6 months. SO - that puts us in a good spot at the end of this year to try.
SO - we are all in this together girls! Let's keep this board interesting since this waiting game isn't much fun
It sounds like you know exactly what you want, and have thought long and hard about waiting. Bcause you already have a little one, you have an idea what to expect this time, but hopefully you won't suffer the same. 
