Hi sorry to gatecrash, just a few questions

[joeyjo]

A girl who is a close family friend has just had a little boy at 27+2, she was due the day before me and although we live far apart we have known each other a long time & been chatting more than usual thru our pregnancies.

She developed preeclampsia & I think he was delivered by section this morning. He's 1lb 9oz which I think sounds reaonable. I've sent a welcome to the world message but was wondering what more would be appropriate - I thought a card & maybe flowers but then mum & dad probably won't be home much...

I know they have a long journey ahead and I am conscious that she may want to avoid me & bump; just want to offer support & friendship as best I can so any advice or words of wisdom most welcome.

 

[AP]

Id say go for the flowers and card, regardless if they are going to be home or not! i would soooo appreciate that. Perhaps you could make up a pack to help mum pamper herself when she finds the time to relax. Just generally being there for her whenever she needs you.

In regards to your continuing pregnancy it depends on what kinda lady she is. I didnt mind so much seeing other pregnant ladies, but the slightest mention of a grumble sent me kinda crazy

Try not to treat the situation any different as you would a full term birth!

Theres some helpful threads too x
https://www.babyandbump.com/premature-babies/660142-things-say-premmie-mum.html
https://www.babyandbump.com/prematu...not-say-premmie-mummy-share-your-stories.html

We arent crazy - honest

 

[ermm23a]

Whatever you do, don't complain to her about being uncomfortable in your last trimester.

Just check in and ask about the baby and how he's doing, etc. Let her know you are thinking about her and her child.

 

[katy1310]

I think it's really thoughtful of you to post here and to care about your friend so much.

Quite a lot of our friends sent flowers when Sophie was born at 27 weeks, and we really appreciated them. We also got lots of cards but I know of lots of preemie mummies who didn't get cards, and that made it even worse for them. We got lots of cuddly toys for Sophie as well as little outfits - all of which were far too big for her for many months, but just the fact of people thinking about us meant so much to us, and it made things feel a bit more like we'd just had a baby, if that makes sense? We love the fact that we have absolutely loads of cards to show Sophie when she's bigger, and things we can say people gave her when she was born. Preemie parents miss out on so many things to do with the birth, it's good to let them have the things that they CAN have! Like AtomicPink said, treat the situation no differently to how you'd treat a fullterm birth. They've still just had their baby - just a lot earlier than they were expecting.

Definitely stay in touch, ask how she and the baby are both doing, and don't forget dad! We had a lot of people who were just in touch at the beginning/wanting to go and see Sophie when she was first born and then never looked near again, but a few stuck around right through and are still there for us now, and they're the ones that did little things for us that meant a lot - supportive emails, buying little gifts for Sophie, cooking us dinner, cleaning our house and doing all our ironing when I was in hospital, being on the other end of the phone if we were having a bad day and needed a chat.

I know you live far away so you won't be able to visit etc, but definitely email or phone to see how they're doing - and as the others have said, don't complain about the uncomfortable side of the 3rd trimester!! I'm sure you wouldn't though, after being sensitive enough to come here to ask how you can help!

xxx

 

[ermm23a]

Get her some preemie outfits!!!!! That was the one thing that made me so happy... We were completely unprepared for a preemie (as most are) and so when he was born, we had nothing to put him in at the NICU. I was laid up recovering from surgery and DH has no clue about baby stuff... Some close friends went and got us a ton of preemie outfits and washed them and brought them up to us at the hospital.

It was great to be able to have his little outfits up there. Seemed like it made him more comfortable than just being swaddled in the hospital blankets.

And, it helped me too I think.... Made me feel like more of a mom when I could change his little clothes and have him looking cute in the NICU....

 

[PleaseBaby]

Send flowers, send a card. Most important to me was people saying congratulations x

 

[AP]

Katy has a good point - stay in touch. So many people nosed into our lives and thought a preemie was a novelty. I never hear from them now!

 

[joeyjo]

Thanks everybody

Thank you all so much for your advice. I have bought a little set of incubator safe dungarees in blue stripes for him- it has access for lines etc - & a hat with bunnies & red balloons. I saw some cuter outfits but they looked more like small versions of normal baby things and not very practical.

My friend is still in hospital herself and pretty poorly so I have sent the card & clothes care of her parents. I have also sent a new grandparents card for them. I am going to wait till she gets home then send her some flowers and stuff to her house.

Baby has done well over the weekend I believe & came off his ventilator yesterday.

We grew up together and our parents are best friends so I will definitely stay in touch.

 

[katy1310]

Aww, what a lovely present

I hope your friend recovers soon (I had severe pre eclampsia too, and it was horrible) and that her LO continues to do well.

xxx