Holding back a child

[cooper2010]

Heres the story about my situation. I will try to keep it short with giving as much detail as I can.

My 2nd grader is struggling in school. She actually had issues in Kindergarten and 1st grade but the school kept urging me to send her on in hopes that she would get the help she needed.

Now she gets extra help in reading and math. She is currently reading at a 1st grade level. (So she is about 3-4 levels behind in just reading) She also goes to speech therapy once per week. (She was leveled as a 6yr old for speech).

Myself and the teacher filled out reports on behavior to see if anything stuck out, like learning diabilities. The test concluded that she has border line results. This was just a test, not a formal evaluation.

I do not think my daughter has a learning disability, and even if she does, it may just be so minor. She has been making some progress in school even though its slow. She does not qualify for special ed because her testing scores aren't low enough.

Here is the problem. I have the option to hold back my daughter so she can go through 2nd grade again next year. I feel like she wil be more confident and she can get where she needs to be for reading and math. I also feel like if I send her to 3rd grade we will be in the same situation again...with the need for extra help and struggling the whole year.

My mind is not set yet, that is why I am asking for some opinions. I want to make sure I am doing the best thing for her. By the way, I have mentioned this to her, she knows that it is a possibility that she will stay behind and as of right now she says she is not ready for 3rd grade. (I think she is just nervous though). I just don't know what to do in this situation. Its pretty important!

 

[Me_Mi]

A lot of factors play into the decision you make, but ultimately i think itll be best to hold her back one year. My nephew was held back in kindergarten, and in the end it is what was for the best. Children getting held back in earlier years is better than later...at a certain age a lot of schools will just push them through to the next grade where the level of work only gets harder and harder. Also, it is more socially humiliating for the child at an older age to get held back... i think second grade is pretty safe still. It is a hard decision to make, but imo your daughter will benefit from the extra time learning concepts, instead of moving forward a grade and becoming even more confused. She needs those earlier concepts to build on to be successful

 

[N1kki]

if you personally think keeping your child back will benefit her with herself and education then do it,no one is gona judge you.Your doing whats right by your child,and one day she'll thanku

 

[cooper2010]

We have had a change in events recently. Before, my daughter said to me, "I am not ready for 3rd grade". But now she is saying that she does want to go to 3rd because of friends. I mentioned to her that we would have to work very hard over the summer and she didn't seem to mind. I just hate that it is April already because I feel like we need to figure this out soon! Report cards come out today so I am hoping to see some improvment.

 

[Lara+sam+bump]

My OH was held back in year 1 as he was having problems and he is glad of it and has never said he felt it affected him socially. Hope you figure it out xx

 

[morri]

I don't think holding back could do any bad. I don't know which country you are in, but especially in the UK they seem to send their children to school quite early. Here it is either 6 or 7 years depending on the child's maturity and readiness to be at school .

 

[jenmc226]

If you're going to hold her back better to do it sooner rather than later. This would be the year to do it. She'll only get further behind as she continues to not be able to keep up. And eventually it would feel shameful to her to not progress to the next grade level and she would be embarassed.
It sounds like you have a lot of good reasons for holding her back. You didn't list any reasons for sending her on to 3rd grade. Try listing those and comparing your lists.

 

[cooper2010]

I never really thought about the reasons to send her. All I can really come up with is its where she should be. Also she does have some friends in her class that would move on without her. I do sort of feel like if we were to hold her back in a sense we would be taking the easy way out. However if we chose to work hard over the summer, I am worried it would get over whelming and be too much for such short time.

Its hard for me to think of reasons to send her to 3rd grade. I guess deep down I know what I want to do... I just don't want to make a mistake with this.

Thanks everyone, I really do apreciate all of your comments.

 

[seoj]

Is there ANY extra help the school can give her? I'm guessing no... as most schools in my area have such budget cuts I'm shocked they have ANY extra curricular activities at all... it's pretty crazy!!! If not, then I would look into something outside of school... maybe summer school to keep her mind fresh? Or a tutor to help out with the subjects she struggles with the most? I know that's not always easy as it's extra money and time... but if there is anything that may help, it's certainly worth a shot.

Otherwise, I would guess if you move her forward she'll just struggle more. In the short run, it's not gonna be easy for her to feel left behind... but how much worse will it be if she continues to struggle? That could make her feel worse and possible make it that much harder on her emotionally and mentally... which certainly won't help her studies.

As a parent we have to make some tough decisions FOR our children- in spite of what they feel they want. When we moved last year I know our kid was devastated... but honestly, her school was crap and she struggled with math SO much and it became a strain on not only her, but on us when trying to help her. The new school is fabulous! Not perfect... lol... but they offer way more help and she has excelled since the move! She went from thinking her life was over to loving her new school and new friends and doing SO much better overall.

I don't want to say what you should do... but it sounds like you already lean towards holding her back. So do what you feel is best for her overall. You won't make the wrong decision

Best of luck!

 

[laura1991]

If your going to keep her back your best doing it now whilst shes young and will fit in more easily. It seems what is best for her so she doesnt struggle throughout school