Holiday without step daughter.

[minichicky]

My DSD is 11 and starts secondary school in september and the school has a strict no holiday in term time policy.
Rightly or wrongly, before DS came along we always holidayed abroad just the two of us and took DSD on a UK break which she was more than happy with.
However after 2 years of no abroad holiday we are desperate to go next year and as we now have DS I would find it really cruel on SD to go on a family holiday without her as she is part of our family. So i though ok well suck up the extra cost, go at easter sorted. Until we look at the holiday dates for next year and easter and both half terms fall in the first 2 weeks of the month which dh cant take of work.
To be honest Im gutted and dont know what to do. DH is happy for us to go abroad without her and still have our normal UK break with her in the summer but I know she will be upset, however I dont want us all to miss out and dont see why DS should. I dont really want to go in the summer holidays as imagine most places will be too hot.
What would you do?

 

[lesleyann]

Take your holiday aboard you,oh and Lo, and even just go to france with DSD for a weekend in the holidays? So its outside of the uk but not a huge cost/flight etc? she goes aboard you go aboard win win?

 

[myasmumma]

i can see your dilemma however..you only have her half? the time and your DS full time so there are bound to be things that she misses out on, that just cant be helped..she never went on the abroad holidays anyway as long as you carry on the routine of having your uk holiday with her..to her nothing is changing..and shes 11 she should be now realise that your taking your DS because hes with you all the time not to be spiteful to her i hope you get this sorted

 

[minichicky]

thanks
I was half expecting replies saying how could i be so horrible leaving her out etc...
youve made me feel better about going without her (and also a little bit excited about the thought of a holiday!!)

 

[Lyndz]

I too would go without her and still maintain the UK holiday with her, that way she isn't missing out, she's still getting a holiday.

DH and I took our LO on holiday last months without DSS, reason being because he is getting 3 holidays this year without us, one with his grandad and his mrs, one with his grandma and her fella and one with his mums parents.

I find it horrible that you were worried about being flamed to be honest People can be ever so touche about step parents, which is why i never post any of my step pareting dilemas

 

[RiverSong]

You're not horrible for not taking her. Another way of looking at it, is that she will get things from her bio mum that your kids wont get? Rightly or wrongly thats how i would rationalise it with my ss.Xx

 

[myasmumma]

You're not horrible for not taking her. Another way of looking at it, is that she will get things from her bio mum that your kids wont get? Rightly or wrongly thats how i would rationalise it with my ss.Xx

i was also going to say this but obviously forgot haha

 

[mskellydenise]

I think its ok to go without her if your able to...my OH and I had planned to take my daughter and his son to Florida last year...you checked with his mom and she was fine with it...we booked the flight and then she decided he needed to go to summer school...this obviously meant he could no longer go...i didnt know what to do bc everything was booked but felt really bad about going without him...my OH said we should still go but as the date came closer I felt worse and worse...we ended up cancelling the flight...losing $200 and using the airline credit to take a trip (me and OH while my daughter was in Pennsylvania) to Mexico.

 

[minichicky]

Thanks everyone, made me loads better about the situation now xx

 

[emmylou92]

we have this problem...but DSD goes abroad with her mum once a year and lo comes with us then we go camping and stuff with both LO and DSD..they both get one holiday abroad a year.Keeps it fair for both.

 

[MummyJo]

I don't think you're *horrible* for it, but I personally wouldn't do it.

Talking from personal experience... I grew up as part of a large extended step-family and I remember being heart broken every time my mum (bio) took her kids on holiday abroad without me. It actually still bothers me now.

Another way of looking at it, is that she will get things from her bio mum that your kids wont get?

This was a regular excuse I was fed, and I say excuse because that's what it felt like. A cop out and an excuse as to why I was treated differently. (As an adult I can rationalise it and understand the logic behind it but I also remember how it felt and can't - and probably never will, shake those feelings.)

It was often the case that it also meants I ended up with less than everyone. My dad (and step-mum) would get me less/do less with me et cetera, justifying it that I got stuff/did stuff with my mum as well and my mum (and step-dad) would do the same and say the same thing and it would end up I got (and did) significantly less than any of my siblings that lived with both parents.

Kids are jealous and irrational and whether they nod and agree or say it's fine, even if they understand (or seem to understand) the reason (in my experience at least) it still hurts.