Home birth nerves! Sorry long read!

[mumatmadhouse]

Hello all,
I am hoping for a little advice/wisdom/support from anyone who has birthed at home with other kids around! This is baby number 5 for me. My first 3 babies were born in hospital and my youngest at a birthing centre. Birth centre was planned this time but I have been considering a HB due to it being complicated getting childcare sorted. Anyway it is looking more and more like we will have problems when the time comes so a HB would make a lot more sense from that point of veiw.
My problem is that I am nervous about a HB. I have 2 dogs that are great but bark constantly at strangers in the house to begin with and 3 of my children still live at home, we have a very lively house. I know that I make noise when birthing, and a fair bit of it, and am worried about the kids being scared or upset by it or just plain grossed out, as well as the dogs barking constantly and stressing me out during labour! I dont want to sound selfish but I would like as relaxed a labour as possible and at the moment I am getting more and more stressed about it each day.

What do you ladies think? How did your others kids find it when you birthed at home? How did you organise things once in labour if you live in a very busy house? Any advice gratefully received

 

[Coffee Lover]

Hiya, Sorry but i cant answer your question, but i would also loved to hear what others have to say, I have two boys at home 11 & 8 and I am worried about them being there..

 

[Samantha675]

I haven't given birth yet. But I am planning on having my 3 year old at home when I do. I have already started to prepare him for the event. We talk about my pregnancy, and labor. I explain that it is hard work, and it would hurt me, but I would be ok, no matter how noisy I become. We have been reading some good books that explain things to him. I am also planning on showing him some videos of births before too long, so he can see for himself.

I think the best thing to do is prepare you kids for the honestly of birth, and talk to them about how you each may feel. I will have my son's baby sitter here with us, so that if it is too much or scary or whatever the reason, my son can go with her.

As far as the dogs, can someone take them for you while you labor? Or maybe crate them for the time?

 

[Mervs Mum]

You're house is EXACTLY like mine! Dogs, kids and now chickens! The chickens stay in the garden though

Most women labour at night. Not all but a large proportion of them and including my own birth, friends and clients ALL of those with children birthed at night. I think they knew it was the 'safest' time to give birth in that they wouldn't be interrupted or feel observed so they may have started during the day but birth always happened when the kids were sleeping. Then they woke up to a gift better than anything Father Christmas ever left

 

[Mervs Mum]

Oh and my dogs are EXACTLY like yours - quiet and good for us but noisy beggars when people come! They were quiet as mice until moments before birth when they howled like wolves and the mw said 'the baby is coming...the dogs know....' and she (and the dogs!) were right!

 

[mumatmadhouse]

Thanks for the replies ladies.

i really am thinking that i am going to have to just go with the homebirth and hope it happens at night, lol. I just hope and pray there is no probs with the G&A!!

 

[mumatmadhouse]

Oh and my dogs are EXACTLY like yours - quiet and good for us but noisy beggars when people come! They were quiet as mice until moments before birth when they howled like wolves and the mw said 'the baby is coming...the dogs know....' and she (and the dogs!) were right!

Its nice to know that I am not the only one living in a madhouse, lol. Its amazing what animals know and how in tune they can be with us.

 

[lynnikins]

how old are your other children my concern is because at (will be 20 months and 3 1/2 years) then im not sure how much the boys have taken in or understood bout the whole pregnancy/baby thing im trusting my body to know when they are safely tucked into bed to allow me to labour peacefully without them as distractions as we really dont have many options for people to come take them both out and care for them and I need DH with me lol.
I was 11 when my brother was born at home (4am ) and slept through it I had previously asked to be woken up "when it was all cleaned up" and if he had been born in the day would have stayed in my room with a book ( dad had also put the tv into my sisters room so we could camp out in there if nessacary ) and when my youngest sister was born (8pm) then mum got on with it with the help of my dad and older sister ( unplanned unassisted HB ) while i took care of my brother and other sister then once my brother was in bed i was reading on my bed while mum delivered in the next room lol. didnt traumatise me or my other sisters in the slightest in fact my older sister has gone on to study to be a MW and have her son at home, this one will be a HB for me and from what my 2nd sister tells me she wants HB's when she has kids too

 

[mumatmadhouse]

Thanks lynnikins! thats really helped to have the veiw of someone who was a child when their mum HB. My kids are DS 13, DS9 and DD2, I also have a DD16 but she has moved out recently. Unfortunately my oldest DD is pretty grossed out by the whole birth thing anyway so I'm not sure she will want to be here to help out if its daytime, lol. I guess the odds are in my favour for a night birth anyway, only my youngest was born during the day. Thanks again for the replies ladies

 

[BirthCoach]

I have had kids at both my births and plan to for my third also.

I really think kids have an intuitive understanding about birth, especially if you are open about everything that can/will happen. I also prepared my kids with lots of good natural birth videos. Check out yourbirthcoach website for pre-screened good birth videos, there will be more posted regularly.

My nephew was 2 1/2 when he was at my sister's second birth and 3 when he was at my first. He was great through both. At mine he sat on the bed right beside me, not disturbed or disturbing to me at all. What he got out of the experience as quoted by him "Tia Nancy loves the baby so much." My niece was also there but was only 9 months and oblivious to everything, she was entertained by her reflection in the mirror and really didn't care about the noises I was making.

My sister's third birth was attended by her first 2 children who were 5 and 2 1/2 at the time and my 2 year old. Again all the kids did great, Just understood that this was a normal part of life.

My daughter, 2 1/2 at the time was at my second birth. She was the best part about the whole experience, and it was a good experience. I needed complete silence from everyone there except my daughter. The sound of her playing and laughing was the best thing I could possibly hear. All I could think in my head is this is why I'm doing this. It was really wonderful having her there and I think really important for the relationship between her and her brother.

I could say a lot more about this. I am really a strong supporter of children in birth. I feel it is important for them as part of the family, it is their baby too in my opinion, and helps normalize birth for their future birth experiences.

Keep in mind that all these births were natural, unmedicated births with no intervention. All were at home except for my sister's second birth which was a planned hospital birth that my nephew attended.

If you are planning a medicalized birth I would probably have a different opinion because you have a lot less control of what could happen in birth and could be led on a path of intervention that may scare the children. If you are planning a natural birth with the right support team so you are highly likely to be successful in your birth plan then have kids there.

I would also suggest having an adult at the birth who is just responsible for them so if they do need to leave, are uncomfortable, or things don't go as planned, that you know they are taken care of and mom isn't needing to be concerned about what is happening with them.

 

[madasa]

Hey - wanting a relaxed labour is NOT selfish! Its your BIRTHRIGHT! Good for you for owning it!

Way I se it, you have a couple of duifferent options with your dogs - you can train them to accept strangers in your home before B-Day or you can rope in a dog sitter to be in standby for when you go into labour

How you handle the older children kind of depends on their ages, but I;d just give them a heads up as to what to expect - the noises you make and how you might behave. There are a few lovely books for children about homebirth

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hello-Baby...=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314069406&sr=1-7

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chil...-Talk-About-When-Max-Was-Born/124599580953144

 

[Freya]

I had a super hb at the end if July, but in a twist I went into labour at 5.30am and birthed at 9.15am.... So my dd1 was in the house. She's 2 and 8 months old. I hadn't wanted her there because I knew I'd be distracted from the business of labour to ensure she was ok. We asked my mum and step dad to take her out for the day, but while we were waiting for them to come, my labour advanced quickly and I began to moan during contractions. Dd1 found this very distressing & despite reassurances in-between & basic explanations it upset her.

As soon as she was picked up she happily skipped off laughing and smiling. I guess it depends on the age of your children I think, & I don't think I prepared my girl well enough because I didn't expect her to be around me near the end!

A hb will be lovely! I have so many positive feelings and memories of mine xxx

 

[mumatmadhouse]

madasa- Thanks for the kind words. the books look great so will give them a go i think! I have now spoken to my boys 13 and 9 and they seem fine with the idea as long as they dont have to be in the room which is fine with me, lol, its just my youngest I am unsure of still.
Shes not much older than your LO Freya and i am worried she will have the same reaction.
It doesn't help that DH is concerned at the thought of HB. Him being nervous is making me nervous if you see what i mean? DH has always been with me all the way through and the thought of him having to leave me during labour worries me as i always focus so heavily on him.

 

[Freya]

Oh mustn't worry! The midwives know how to reassure the men folk, they'll be two present and at the slightest hint of a potential problem they'll call for a hospital transfer (but anything going wrong is sooooo minimal) is this what he's worried about? I guess you've read the home birth stories on here? If not, do, I think they may help to reassure you both. Wish I could link mine from my phone for you, but there are plenty around Just do whatever feels right for you xxx

 

[mumatmadhouse]

DH and I are going to do that tonight, look through some HB stories. Hopefully we will get a little quiet time later and can really go over eveything together, I need him totally on board, then I have MW appointment on 5th sept so he is going to come with me for that so he can talk to the MW about it too. He is worried about PPH after the GP scared us to begin with because this being baby number 5, but consultant was happy for me to give birth at birthing centre and didnt seem concerned. He just outlined the risk to us so we could make an informed choice. Thank you for the words of support