Honest Question

[krissie328]

Hubby and I have been TTC/NTNP for the better part of nearly nine years. At the end we have learned I have PCOS and never ovulate on my own and hubby has low motility.

What are your opinions on pursuing IVF at this time verus taking the money and looking into adoption.

We have gone round and round. I want that baby that looks like us, that reward after going through this journey. But like he says we would love any baby brought to us no matter how they came.

I just feel so torn and frustrated with years of disappointment.

 

[brittany12]

Have you tried clomid to help ovulation? That could help tremendously even with his low motility.

Maybe try IUI first that way they can use the best sperm.

I would try those first to see if it works and if it didn't work I would try IVF. At least to try to have a child of our own, but this is just me. Good luck in whatever you decide

 

[miana]

I agree with Brittany12. Have you tried something to help you ovulate? Maybe try that first, then if that doesn't work try IUI.
I think adoption is a great option, there are so many children out there that need a home and need someone to love them. Yes it's not your own child "technically" but they become your child. I have been thinking about our fertility lately and we may need to go down the IVF route, but I'm not really sold on it?(get back to me in another 2 years with no success, god forbid, and I may have changed my mind ha ha). I personally would love to adopt. Yes I would love to have my DH's baby but if it's not meant to happen then that's ok,but I definitely want to be a mum in my life!

I think maybe try talking to some people who have adopted and get as many thoughts on the subject as you can? It's a good thing your DH is up for it, quite often it's the men who have an issue with it...... Not always!

I know a girl who was having trouble conceiving and suggested adoption to her husband, he said "I could never raise a child that wasn't my own", I was shocked when she told me!

See what other options you can take to try and conceive naturally but may e put your names down for adoption at the same time too?(if that ends up as an option you want to do). Cover your bases

 

[TTC First]

I agree with PPs. IUI is a very good option and I would also look into that before adoption. Although it is expensive, you also have the option of IVF.

 

[myangel167]

If I were you, I would try on my own for at least another two years, with fertility treatment before considering adoption. I agree with you, I want a blood child who looks like me. No offense to anyone who adopts-because that is an amazing thing and there are so many wonderful babies that need good families. But I would def try to have my own first.

Or maybe adopt-but continue trying for your own baby as well.

 

[popchick75]

I don't think IVF or adoption are your only 2 choices here. PCOS is something that the vast majority of women can overcome and conceive successfully. There are also plenty of vitamins and supplements that can help your hubby improve his sperm. Once you find the right combination of drugs and start ovulating, back to back IUIs would give you a really good chance of conceiving.

 

[hopefull85]

what you ladies probably dont get is that after 9 years of going through this im sure she has thought about every option there is and im sure she has tried most of the fertility drugs. my husband and i are going through the same questions and thoughts as krissie328 is. IVF cost so much and personal i would rather spend the money on adoption than IVF because its more of a for sure thing that you will bring home a baby. To my husband and i its not about having a child that is our blood its about being parents. after the first of the year we are going to start the papers for adoption. we have been ttc for almost 7 years and im where you are mentally and emotionally. hope the best for you.

 

[popchick75]

what you ladies probably dont get is that after 9 years of going through this im sure she has thought about every option there is and im sure she has tried most of the fertility drugs. my husband and i are going through the same questions and thoughts as krissie328 is. IVF cost so much and personal i would rather spend the money on adoption than IVF because its more of a for sure thing that you will bring home a baby. To my husband and i its not about having a child that is our blood its about being parents. after the first of the year we are going to start the papers for adoption. we have been ttc for almost 7 years and im where you are mentally and emotionally. hope the best for you.

True, but she said she wasn't totally on board with adoption. If she isn't 100%, then she shouldn't do it. Some people are able to make the adoption choice, but for others it isn't an option...they just need that biological connection, including the experience of being pregnant. And if that's the case, there are certainly more choices for her than just IVF. She also mentioned that they were NTNP, so maybe she hasn't gotten to the point of even using fertility drugs yet. It sounds like they just recently started with testing.

For me, adoption was more stressful and time consuming than the fertility treatments. Also keep in mind, it isn't a sure thing either. It's definitely more of a sure thing than adoption, but if it doesn't work out, you've got more to lose. We went through years of paperwork etc for our adoption, and in the end we had our baby for 8 days...the birth mother decided to take him back. There is a window (different for each state) where the birth mother can change her mind even after all of the papers are signed. Let me tell you, the disappointment of getting years of BFNs after fertility treatments was nothing compared to the anguish of actually having the baby in your arms and having to give it back. I know it works for a lot of families, but I would never do it again since there is always that slim chance of it being another failed adoption. Even foreign adoption isn't a sure thing anymore. Guatemala just stopped all international adoptions. Russia is considering doing the same thing. What about those people who had already matched with a child and were waiting to go pick him/her up? The pain was absolutely unbearable and far worse than any BFN.

 

[krissie328]

Thank you ladies for all of your responses. I feel that after much debate we have decided to go on birth control for three months and try to lose some weight. After that we are going to see about further fertility treatments and get a new SA. I told hubby we are still young (although his 29 bday is just a week away and he doesn't feel that way) and we should try to pursue more aggressive fertility treatments before looking to adopt. We both agree if it doesn't happen in the next three years we will start the adoption process.

 

[brittany12]

that sounds like a great plan! Good luck to you!