HORRIBLE EVENT...long read...only hugs please.

[rosegarden620]

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. It was a really rough day for me and I needed to hear a lot of what you all have told me. First, thank you for sharing with me your own experiences! Second, ts a friendly reminder that we are all human.

As for reading up on co-sleeping and SIDS I spent almost the full 24 hours doing exactly just that, and taking it a step further and reading actual stories of parents who have gone through it. So eye opening and so sad. As frustrated as I was, as SCARED as I was, I have been able to take a deep breath and replay all the new knowledge I have and use it for myself in the future with my little one. Last night was the first night since it happened and the little one slept in her crib all night. She would wake to nurse, I would nurse, DH Would burp and settle her down in her crib again. We did this until 7am, where I brought her into bed with me when DH was on his way out.

It was tiring but I preferred it over all the worrying that co-sleeping brings me. I am sure she will be in my bed through the night soon enough, but when and if it happens I know where to put her, where NOT to put her and what to do all in all .

xoxoxoxoxox
Thank you again!

 

[londonangel]

Poor chap. He is probably really upset about it. I exclusively breastfeed too but never, ever would I do-sleep for exactly this reason. It isn't his fault, there is no way for him to be 'more aware' when he is asleep and not actually conscious. I really don't think it is something you can blame him for at all. It is good that your little one is fine but personally I would avoid co-sleeping except on those nights where you feel you will get no rest otherwise.

 

[MindUtopia]

I haven't read all the replies, but as I'm a bedsharing mama with a 2 year old, I just wanted to send you some reassurance and support. Co-sleeping is a great thing and a safe thing to do if done safely. And it's wonderful to hear it's what you've chosen to do and you feel it works for you. I think what you're picking up on is just that even before this incident (sorry it was scary for you!), you were feeling some anxiety before it even happened and maybe worried about how you were sleeping with your LO. I'm sure someone else has said it, but the key to safe co-sleeping really is just to make sure your LO is safe and is only sleeping with you at that age (when they're older, it's different - from about 9 months, my daughter would sometimes bedshare alone with my husband if I was away or sick, but it's different when they're so small and you're all so tired). When my daughter was that age, I'd always sleep with her on my side, not in the middle, and I would only feed her lying down on that side. If she needed to feed on the other side, I'd sit up to feed her and then lie her back down on the outside. When she got a bit older and bigger and my poor sore shoulder and hip couldn't take sleeping only on my left side anymore, my husband moved to a single mattress on the floor next to our bed so we had the whole bed to ourselves and we could sleep on either side. He slept like that for nearly a year and it was something we were both happy with because we believe that co-sleeping is the best thing for all of us (now we've moved to a new house with the space for a big family bed - double bed and single bed pushed together - so we all have enough room in one bed).

I would say, please, please, please don't beat yourself up about it or let your husband do it either and don't let it put you off co-sleeping. When my daughter was about a day old, I nearly sat on her while she was lying on the bed because I was so delirious that I forgot I'd put her there! My husband also fell down a flight of stairs holding her when she was 2 days old. These things happen and you learn from them. But do make sure that if you want to co-sleep (and it's great, so I would say definitely do it if it's what you want), then make sure you are doing it safely, with baby always on your side, not in the middle, and in a bed that gives everyone enough room to sleep safely, even if it means your partner sleeps separately for a period of time.

 

[StranjeGirl]

When dd1 was 3 days old I had her swaddled in the middle of the night and was sitting in bed and put her on my breast pillow to feed her. She rolled off and thankfully my giant maternity pillow was hanging from my bed to the floor and instead of falling head first to the floor, she started to slide down the maternity pillow and I caught her before she even got to the floor. I was so sick about it and didn't want to even touch her for the next week. I would start shaking every time I had to hold her. I know it's a terrible feeling, but everyone I talk to seems to have some story. That sick feeling does go away and you realize that we are all human and somehow babies survive! Co-sleeping scares me because my husband is a weird sleeper and would totally do something like that. Sometimes I let dd in bed, but she is on me because I don't trust him. The main thing is your LO is safe and now you know that your dh is a pretty deep sleeper so you just adjust for that. Definitely don't beat yourself up over it! We all have stories and we learn from them!

 

[WelshOneEmma]

Sending you hugs. This was always my fear with hubby when we co-slept as they just don't realise. Its not his fault - he's just a man and i bet he feels crap too. My hubby is terrible at not recognising danger, they just aren't as aware (hubby says I see too much danger).

I dont have any co-sleeping horror stories but one time whilst rushing to answer the door I didn't close the stair gate properly and DD who was about 16 months old fell from the top of the stairs right to the bottom (she literally bounced) and I felt awful and was full of the what ifs. Plus recently I had opened my new toy (dyson slimline) and was so excited to play with it didn't realise I'd left the scissors on the floor. I came back into the room 2 mins later as my son was grizzling (he was in the jumperoo) and my daughter was trying to give him a haircut. I was mortified and so angry with myself for being so stupid. I was full of what ifs with that too but he was fine.

We make mistakes so as hard as it is, you try to move forward. And when we have arguments I pull out things he has done