Horrible Midwife Experience

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by MaxMin, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. MaxMin

    MaxMin Well-Known Member

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    So on Weds and Thurs DH and I had sex, we have been about every week but this was the first time twice in two days...anyway I spotted a little of red blood so I called the midwife on call and she said it was normal due to increased cervical blood vessels...it was a tiny amt so it wasnt too alarming but in 9 weeks I havent spotted at all so she said I could go in Fri for a bedside ultrasound to make sure everything was ok...

    When I went in the midwife couldnt find anything (a week ago at my appt a midwife found the bean with the bedside u/s) but she wasnt very experienced so she called in another midwife who said she saw something but couldnt see a heartbeat and it looked to small for 9 weeks so it could be a miscarriage (exact words out loud to me)

    Needless to say I was freaked, they send me to a real sonographer to get a real ultrasound, she said she would try on my belly then do a transvaginal if she had to, well right away she found the little guy hearbeat clear at 181 and arms and legs moving around, such relief!!

    Here are my takeaways from this experience: I am an RN and I used to work hospice, at some point you get in a routine of seeing the same thing for me people dying for these midwives people losing pregnancies I totally get it, the key is to NEVER act insensitive or callous, I would never walk into a room where the family is by the bedside of there loved one who is dying and say yep not long now...you treat every case with kid gloves, so for the midwives out there PLEASE remember newly pregnant moms are FRAGILE and watch what you say...if ultrasounds arent your expertise fine but dont throw out comments if you arent sure, we hang on to them!

    I set up an appt with an OB that day I didnt say why I dont need anyone feeling horrible, but I had to share with you gals!
     
  2. amandad192

    amandad192 mum to 2

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    :hugs: Glad your babys okay.

    My MIL had a similar experience with OH. She was told that her baby HAD died because they couldn't find a heartbeat. She knew they were wrong though because she could still feel him moving and kicking. Sometimes they should look a bit harder before they come to the wrong conclusion.
     
  3. babyhearts

    babyhearts Well-Known Member

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    Ugh totally agree with you when I had my son I was left alone and ignored all night by midwife's at the hospital despite being told in front of them to monitor me every 4 hours and take a look down there at the same time (I was induced 3 weeks early) they didn't do anything even when my waters went didn't check me I begged all night but because I had no pain they said I was making it up 7am I went into labour on my own my son was born totally blue and they had to call the crash team..I am so scared the main reason I didn't want to get pg again is because of how I was treated by so called professionals, I would say complain but you won't get anywhere...at least you know your baby is healthy hope you have better luck with midwife's for the rest of your time :D xxxx
     
  4. KateT

    KateT Well-Known Member

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    :( what a nightmare. Im sorry you had a bad experience, I would've been livid at them for being so damn insensitive. Im glad that you and baby are all good though :) Hopefully if you need to go for another scan you'll get some better midwives helping you! xx
     
  5. pcake

    pcake Mummy to our pork chop!

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    Oh hun, thats awful- i think that is absolutely terrible. I get they have a duty to give us the full info, but if they arent sure they shouldnt say the word "miscarriage". Im so glad ur LO is ok, and truly sorry u had such a scary experience xx
     
  6. Lara310809

    Lara310809 Mum of 3 girls

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    Sorry, I don't think from what you're saying that I would have reacted the same way. I see it as them saying "there's a possibility of MC, so perhaps you should prepare yourself for that, but we will do further checks to make sure" :shrug: From the way you say it, that's what I would have taken away from it. I'm not sure I would have thought she was unprofessional for trying to prepare me for that possibility. But feelings and facts can get lost in translation, so perhaps it was a lot worse in real life, but that didn't come across to me. But if they made you feel scared like that, then that's not right. MWs shouldn't make you that scared; they should only inform you of the risks and concerns, but in a nice and reassuring way.

    Also, I know the MC word is hard to hear, but it's the only word there is for it really, so obviously sometimes they have to use it. If they say you're "losing" the baby, some mums get angry over that ("I didn't lose it"). A friend of mine a couple of years ago was miscarrying and she was told in the plainest of terms that it was an "abortion in progress". I think that's really insensitive; to call it an abortion when you didn't choose it. I'm not undermining your experience; sorry if it seems that way. Just saying.

    I'm glad everything's okay with your baby though! :hugs:
     
  7. elephant29

    elephant29 Daddy, mummy, LO and bean

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    :hugs:

    Sorry you had a bad experience. Being a RN you will appreciate how they should deal with individual cases, I totally agree!

    When I was heavily pregnant I ended up going to my local A&E as I couldnt breathe. First they had me waiting close to an hour until my MIL went and complained saying I was 30+ weeks pregnant and couldnt breathe and they rushed me to a room where a nurse took my obs. I was then left for around 4 hours without seeing anyone! A Dr finally came and assessed me and advised I needed to be transferred to another hospital as they suspected I had a blood clot on my lungs. They called an ambulance but then NOONE came and seen me for a further 3 hours! My OH went mental. A nurse came in and had a proper go at us. I was calm and advised her in no uncertain terms that her bedside manner was disgusting. I was NOT a nurse, I didnt know what to expect and she should have been dealing with me as a patient not annoyed because it was nearly the end of her shift. I eventually discharged myself and drove to the other hospital who were appalled at the treatment. I stayed in for 2 days and needed xrays etc, it was horrible!

    xxx
     
  8. rosequartz

    rosequartz Pregnant with 1st Baby

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    So sorry to hear that hun :( I don't understand how some people can be so insensitive!
     
  9. AimeeM

    AimeeM Mum to 3 Boys.

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    I agree, when I had my missed miscarriage I had a terrible experience. It was a man doing the scan and he wasn't even talking but his face said it all. I kept asking questions but he was just totally ignoring me.
    When we went in we asked him not to say that we were having a pregnancy scan as we didn't want my son to know yet but couldn't find a babysitter. My son asked him what he was doing and he said looking for baby. We were furious and then of course when someone else told us at last that it was a mmc, after being shoved in a room and not told what was going on although I already knew, we had my son constantly asking about 'baby' and getting excited.
    I was so mad and upset I could have smacked the guy there and then. He was so insensitive and made me feel like a child.

    I am so sorry you went through this but great that baby is fine :D
     
  10. Sini

    Sini Well-Known Member

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    Id get another MW or surgery.. I trust and adore my MW 100%. if they are being nasty, unprofessional...what not - replace! No one should feel ill treated etc regarding someting as sensitive as pregnancy :)
     
  11. MaxMin

    MaxMin Well-Known Member

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    I have another appt at 13 weeks with an OB in same office, I guess the most frustrating part was that it was a scan to ease my mind and the spotting was SO minimal it wouldnt warrant a MC ( I have had two previously ), so the comments from the person she grabbed to help based on the fact that she didnt have any of that info were obsurd, so she should have kept quiet...to her credit she didnt know so no harm no foul.

    Doing fine and happy things are progressing the way that they should, ty all for your support its nice to be able to get it out!:happydance:
     

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