Horrible Person???

[Mom23monkies]

So please help me out here
this is my third day bleeding in my third miscarriage and my sister in law has recently come off of BC and is "waiting" not trying but not trying not to.
But she is hoping that it "just happens" soon
when I was pregnant and thinking that it could be it
I was sooo excited about the idea of having my own real life pg buddy
This morning she called just to let me know that AF arrived for her and I was RELIEVED!!!!!!
I pretnded to be sorry for her and she said "Ohh its no big deal were not REALLY trying any how"
But what kind of horrible person am I that I wouldent be able to be happy for some one I LOVED concieveing??
I feel rotten

 

[croydongirl]

You are still grieving, have some grace for yourself. We all have strange feelings when we are processing loss and sadness. So very sorry for your loss

 

[ncmommy]

It is so hard going through such a loss and sometimes while our emotions seem cruel it is all part of the process and is normal. Hugs to you!

 

[Mom23monkies]

Thank you ladies, I try very hard to be a Woman of God.
And My sister in law is a FANTASTIC person and I want to be like her so badly
I just feel rotten and crummy because I SHOUDLNT feel that way
I am still headreeling over my mom telling me "well you can try again"
REALLY mother?????
ANy how I have times where everything goes ok
and them moments when bitterness takes over.
I do want for my SIL to have a baby and start her family
Especially since she has tested positive for the lupus strain or cromesome or what ever (I dont really understand it myself but still support her)
But the thought of her being pg right now with out me is just a thought that makes my heart hurt.
Thank you ladies!

 

[tj1980]

I think it's totally natural the way you're feeling. My best friend announced she's pregnant this week and I was happy for her but gutted deep down. She doesnt know that I'm having a mc but I just feel so jealous by seeing and hearing of all the preg women X

 

[Mom23monkies]

tj,
Thanks. My husband and I didnt tell many people at all that I was even pregnant because we wanted to wait and see after two MCs
MY SIL only knew because she has stood right next to me during the last one and had her ENTIRE church praying for me while I was waiting to see if I could hold it or would loose it. SHe truly is a wonderful person and she knows I am having a miscarriage (she is a labor and delivery nurse and works closly with my doctors lol if I am having a problem getting ahold of some one she usualy tells them haha)
I am just now getting to the point that I am "allowing" myself to not always be perfect
Goodness sakes I am not but I try so hard to be
I need to let go I know that
Its just a messed up time right now
which I guess you all understand that Please forgive me because I tend to ramble sometimes
lol

 

[momma2naynay]

I know how you feel. When my SIL told me she was pregnant, I hated her for a split second. I felt like the worst person in the world for feeling that way. Afterwards I thought about and realized it's very normal, of course I didn't hate her and I was truly happy for them, they went through alot to get pregnant. It was my way of dealing with the news.

We had always wanted to be pregnant together as well, and we would have been if I hadn't miscarried. She'll be having her little one a couple months after I would have been due.

You're not horrible, your human, and grieving. All my best to you

 

[misscs]

You're not a horrible person at all. Anyone who has been through a mc needs time to grieve. I had a mmc discovered nearly 2 weeks ago, EPRC 12 days ago. Feel like Im surrounded by pregnancies and babies and its hurts so much inside. Someone at work has announced they are pregnant and I can't bring myself to go near her incase she develops a bump and I know I will break down - I know I should be happy for her but all the time its thinking 'why not me?'. I can't even bring myself to go and see a really close friend who has just had a baby as I can't bring myself to be near babies yet. I thought I was a horrible person but bnb has shown me that it is perfectly normal to feel this way - we need time to grieve and everyone will do that differently xxx So sorry for your loss xxx

 

[Mom23monkies]

Thank you so much ladies this has been very helpful.
In Church Sunday morning my Pastor gave a sermon and was telling a story about a couple who wanted a baby sooo badly it formed who they were The docs said there didnt seem to be any reason they couldent finaly they did get pregnant and half way thru she announced she hadnt felt the baby move all day and when they went to the ER for a scan the doc couldent do anything but look up at them and say "I'm sory"
he went on with the rest of the service I was in TEARS my heart was breaking for that couple.
At the end of the service he said "I am asked all the time how a blessing can come out of that" and he went on to explain that he STILL delt with the pain daily but had blessings every where and looked down at the center isle where his second son (4 yrs old)laid playing with his cars on his belly
I Cried some more
I hate that any one has to feel this way.
My heart breaks for every one who has ever had to deal with ANYTHING like this