Horrible wait-MMC

[pennypoptart]

I went for an early scan on Tuesday at a private clinic, just out of curiosity and impatientness. I wish I hadn't now. I was meant to be about 11 weeks, and it seems that my baby died at 6 weeks. It was the most horrible experience, as my body had still be producing HCG, and I still have some symptoms- sore boobs etc. This is my first pregnancy, and a much wanted baby (as the most tend to be on this forum) for me and my DH.

Got home in shock, phoned my GP and the EPU. The EPU won't scan me for another week (appointment booked next Tuesday). Apparantly if the baby dies when it is so young, it is "policy" to wait a week, just to check we haven't messed up our dates! Well, seeing as I was charting prior to conceiving, and wrote the exact dates down of my +PT, there is no doubt that I am wrong on the dates. Me and my DH haven't had any sex since I found out we were pregnant, as I was paranoid about anything hurting the baby. In addition, at the Sonography they said there was no heartbeat, and no blood flowing into the baby, although it is firmly attached to my uterus. Now I'm in limbo. Waiting either for nature to take its course, or wait until they do a D&C. I'm obviously too distraught to go into work.

Why can't they just compare the hormones in my blood levels that they took at my first midwife appointment, to my levels now? Why are they drawing it out longer than they have to?

I've had no spotting, but if I do, will they carry out a D&C? I much prefer that option than letting it happen naturally, and seeing bits of bloody tissue in the loo.

How long will it take me to recover and get back to work after the D&C?

I'm obviously upset, but more angry at the fact that the EPU are not treating me the way I want to be treated. No-one has even phoned, (GP, midwife etc), to see how I'm coping.

My boss is being very compassionate, but will I need a sick note?

I just don't feel like I've got the answers, and when my DH rang the EPU today to say could I come in any earlier, they just said to sit back and wait. So, don't really feel like I can speak to them.

 

[dan-o]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this

I am currently going through the same thing, I'm also 11 weeks & my baby died a couple of weeks ago. I had lots of scans, none of whch were good but the last one confirmed the worst. I waited a week & went back for another one, just to check it had definitely died as I'd seen the HB on one scan, but sadly it definitely has.

I'm waiting for a MC to happen, I've known about it & been waiting for 10 days so far, but no signs of it yet.

I'll give my body another week & then maybe think about having a D&C.

I'm sorry you are not getting the same care I am from the EPU, my lot have been great, they saw me 2 days after my private scan & I've had 4 scans so far. Perhaps you can ring them & ask if you can come in sooner, even just for a chat? They usually have emergency slots.

Hugs for you xxxx

PS. I had no signs anything was wrong either, just the scans.

 

[pennypoptart]

Dan-o, thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear your news too.

I don't think I've got the patience to wait for it naturally, in my head, I feel like I need to lose the baby in order to move on. I know everyone is different, and I hope that whichever option you chose it works out for you.

What are you doing to fill your time? Are you working, or at home? I just can't face going into work, as some of my close colleagues knew, and I think I'd just end up crying. I'm worried about having a miscarriage starting at work. I keep on bursting into tears as it is, and I feel very selfish, and my DH is running about looking after me, but I guess that is his way of coping. He's taken a couple of days off work, but has to go back this afternoon, which I'm dreading. I'm going to see a close friend, but feel like everyone is going to be tip-toeing around me.

Thinking of you, and in a strange way, glad to have someone I can relate to (not meaning to be insensitive).

P x

 

[dan-o]

The waiting's the worst isn't it? ugh

I'm at home, I won't be going anywhere until I've MC & the bleeding has slowed enough to be able to wear a thin pad. I don't really know what to do with myself, I've been exercising, spring cleaning & might get the paintbrush out to do some walls.

I'd love to get this over with right here & now, so I can move on, but by the same token would prefer not to have a general anasthetic & invasive procedure if I don't need it. I'm not going to leave it too much longer anyway, I've been on tenderhooks since my first scan at 6-7 weeks & its dragging a bit now.

When is your epu appt booked for? xx

 

[pennypoptart]

Booked in for Tuesday. My husband rang up today, to ask if we could come in today/Monday. They said no! Grrr. However, they did say that following that appointment, I wouldn't have to wait longer than 48 hours for the D&C.

I'm trying to "work" from home. Finding it quite hard, but it's a welcome distraction!

Still very confused about my body! Why do some people miscarry quickly and others (like you and I) have to wait an eternity? The weather is so beautiful today (I'm just outside of London), that I may do some work in the garden... although, it kind of seems wrong to do "normal" things!

Did you get a sick note? I'm not sure if I'm meant to or not, but don't know if I can face the GP- (he's a bit of a bumbling old git!)

You sound like you're coming to terms with things, which makes me hope that the rollercoaster that I'm on may eventually settle itself.

 

[Peach Blossom]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Last Friday I went in for my 3rd scan at what should have been 10w 5d. I was told that there was no heartbeat even though we'd seen one 3 weeks previously. The EPU where I was seen were lovely (sorry that yours have been so unhelpful). I had to wait for an hour for a consultant to come and talk to me though. She said that they could try and get me in for an erpc (D&C) that day, but couldn't guarantee it. I fortunately have private health insurance so opted to go over to the private hospital to have it done that night. I'm so sorry that your healthcare providers are putting you through this agonising wait. Every woman deals with this differently. For me the idea of waiting for things to happen naturally seemed like an unbearable wait and although I know it would have been unlikely to see anything the fear of perhaps seeing my LO in the loo filled me with fear and dread. There is no right or wrong thing to do nor is there a right or wrong way to feel.

I went back to work this morning as I needed to get busy again. I have spent most of the week at home on as you say the rollercoaster of emotions. There is nothing to say that you have to heal soon or that you have to "get over" it quickly. Take your time. We are all here for you.

You should be able to phone your GPs surgery and ask them to get your Dr to write you a sick note that can be sent to you... You shouldn't have to talk to him or see him at all if you don't want to.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk or vent or anything. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.

 

[pennypoptart]

Thanks Peach Blossom. Frustratingly, my DH gets private healthcare through work and we were discussing putting me on it a couple of weeks ago- but never did.

Good look at work today, I hope it gives you something to focus on.

Thanks for the tips about the sick note. I so rarely see the doctor so am pretty clueless. Didn't have a single day off work last year! Picture of good health!

Please let me know how you get on at work, and likewise I'm here to chat if you want support.

 

[dan-o]

They will definitely give you a sick note either via a consultant at the epu or your GP/midwife.
Mine was prepared to sign me off until I've MC & recovered.

I think you need a note if you require more than a week off work xxx

 

[Chilli]

I'm so sorry to hear of someone else going through this heart break. I had a day to wait and went on a shopping frenzy!!! Not a good idea for a week but then I think it sounds like they are being horribly cruel to you and that you should try and push for more help. It's a horrible state of limbo as many of us hear know, so why make it last longer? My husband was the same - he had to be, I didn't have the strength to make a cup of tea and would have disappeared under the duvet if it hadn't been for him. Use us here as well, it really helps with the initial trauma. Try to look after yourself

 

[pennypoptart]

Thanks Chilli, really sweet of you. Yes, I think their being a bit cruel, I'm angry that they are more worried about the "procedures" then as me as a person, and how I am feeling/coping. It's absolutely agonising.

It makes me angry with the NHS in general.

I've already bought 1 new pair of shoes, think DH may go ballistic if I shop til I drop!! (Even under the cirumstances!).

 

[MrsO29]

Sorry to hear you are going through this.
I had the exact same a few years ago.
I chose to get the pills that induce labour and it is all over within a day in the hospital. My Dr said if you are planning on trying again you should avoid a D&C (although tons of women on here seem to have them)

We also had a m/c a few months ago, and although I am pg again, I am terrified of having another mmc. I am getting scans at 8, 10 and 12 weeks to put my mind at rest. (I have a nice midwife!)

So sorry you have to go through this, especially with crappy doctors. They can make a horrible experience 10 times worse.

 

[pennypoptart]

Thanks! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you- hope this time it goes well for you, and glad to hear that you midwife is treating you well. After your 2 losses, you deserve an easy pregnancy.

I'm surprised about your D&C comment, most things I've read have said that it shouldn't affect trying to conceive in the future. I'm not too sure they'll even give me the option of the pill, and it sounds terrifying to me! Oh, so confused!

 

[Shazzy]

pennypoptart Im so sorry about your loss and you having to wait so long. With my second mc I tried the pill, did not work, then started natural, it was terrible, only to be scanned and it was incomplete. We did the d&c and i can recommend it as it was quick. Horrible to say but i was also waiting to miscarry for a long time, and needed closure. I would take a few days off just so that you can have some time to heal, and sort out your emotions. Our Doc does not believe that a d&c will cause any problems in a future pregnancy. There are risks, but even going natural there is a risk.

I wish you the best for the next few days, you will be in my thoughts.

 

[MrsJD]

Sorry to hear about this hun!

sending you lots of

XXXXXXXXX

 

[rachjim98]

sorry for your loss it is a terrible thing to have to wait out and so sorry for the way you have been treated.

I was very upset with the way my GP handled the way we lost our daughter. I had 5 scans all done at the same place same Dr. Was never told there was any problems. Had the 4th scan @17t5 weeks and they said everything was fine. I had brought up at that appointment she wasn't moving so much I think she should be more active. That's why they did the 4th scan was to shut me up, so to speak. Dr said to come back in 2 weeks for the 20 wk anatomy scan and that's when they told me my Daughter had no heartbeat. This was considered a MMC because I had no cramping or bleeding and she wasn't over 21 weeks gestation.

When we went in to give birth to Rebecca they told us it looked genetic due to her legs were smaller then they should have been. Shouldn't they have been able to see that in one of the 5 scans I had?????? We chose to go back for the follow up at a different place, due to the fact that I don't trust that place or that Dr. So even with private insurance (I live in the states too) the care can still be crappy.
Sorry for the rant, and again so sorry for all of your losses on here