How bad is watching TV for LO, really?

[prettybirdy27]

Here's our situation. Our LO is 15 weeks old and DH and I have strictly banned TV in the same room as LO until she's 2 years old. It's not hard, I can't see how we'd even find the time to watch tv while she's awake.

However, DH's parents think this is a stupid rule, and they go out of their way to let us know it. MIL watches LO for one day a week, and due to our work schedules changing, she'll be watching LO for two days a week starting April 1. We don't have tv stations, just Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime. Well MIL started complaining that she's bored while watching LO (seriously) so FIL came into our house while we were at work, without our permission, and drilled holes into our living room wall and mounted a tv antenna so that she can watch TV while she's watching LO. DH called them and chewed them out until they came back and took it down. However, they keep telling us that they're just going to buy a better one for more channels and come and install it.

In the meantime, however, MIL has started taking LO to her house so she can watch their tv while watching her. She insists that she only wants to watch the Today Show, but the Today Show is 4 hours long! Then today, just to piss us off, she sent me and DH a picture of FIL holding LO in one hand and the tv remote in the other.

I don't want to have to cut LO off from her grandparents for this. Is 4 hours of tv in the background twice a week really that damaging to LO? She doesn't just plop LO in front of the tv and walk away, but she keeps her in the same room.

 

[x__amour]

Imo, most things are just fine in moderation. My LOs watch a little TV here and there, mostly when we watch family movies, and they are perfectly happy and healthy. I don't think any screen time in moderation is awful at all.

I would be much more and extremely upset about the fact that they completely disregarded your parenting wishes AND came into YOUR home and drilled through your walls. That is completely not okay.

 

[Twinmum87]

Everything in moderation. There are lots of education shows, watching nursery rhyme videos can be a great aid to development. The bright colours and bold shapes also help. Since my youngest hit 14 weeks I have started to let him watch TV. Like 15 mins whilst I grab a bath (he comes into the bathroom with me) when OH is working away or if he is not liking me just having music on and chatting to him and I am cooking a meal that I cannot physically do whilst carrying him. He is in the room when older kids have their TV time but usually then I am reading to him or playing with toys with him.

 

[MindUtopia]

I think there is a difference between having the tv on in the background and having your LO watch the tv, like I mean propping them in front of a screen and leaving them there for 30 minutes while you ignore them at that age. I almost always had the tv on all day on the days I was home with my daughter. I hate being stuck at home. It's boring! And I literally spent all day in the early weeks sitting on the sofa, feeding, holding while she slept, repeat. All day. Sometimes I'd be stuck there for 3 hours at a stretch not able to easily get up. Definitely watched some tv for sanity. And we always watch tv in the evening before bed, so when our daughter was little (up to 4 months), she was there asleep on us then too. At that age, it's not really screen time to have a tv on in the background as long as it doesn't limit your interaction with your little one (it's pretty much the same as music and lots of people play music for their babies). The difference is only if you are ignoring your baby while you watch tv and never talking to them, or you are sitting them in front of a screen while you are in the kitchen for a period of time not interacting with them. When she was awake and interacting, for the most part, I would be talking to her or reading to her (read her several novels aloud!), but when she was busy with something or asleep or feeding, yes, definitely would sometimes watch tv for a bit. But she never actually watched any until really probably past 2 and then maybe only for 30 minutes or so 2 days a week, usually on the weekends when we're cleaning or making breakfast. I think the recommendations on screen time are really more about that. Not ignoring your kid and giving them a tv as a babysitter. So yes, I would kinda have to agree that might be overreacting. It would be different if your MIL was going to have the tv on all day and prompt her up in a bumbo in front of it all day. But I wouldn't care if she wanted the Today Show for a bit. I think as she gets older and life changes a bit and you have more downtime while she is off having a tea party with imaginary friends or drawing or whatever, you might want to sit down for a little while and watch something and relax for a bit. Honestly, until she was over 2, my daughter wasn't bothered at all by the tv. I could have had it on for hours and she wouldn't even stop to watch it. She would just play and talk with me and ignore it. Now she still mostly does that (she's 3), but she will stop sometimes to watch for a minute and ask me questions and it stimulates conversation and she's actually learned loads from watching cooking shows or nature documentaries or whatever, but still rarely will bother to stop and plop herself down in front of it and actually watch it for any period of time.

 

[staralfur]

It would be absolutely no big deal to me, but I'm not strict about TV at all.

I wouldn't be happy about the way that your inlaws are handling it, it sounds very childish and disrespectful. I think they definitely could have approached the issue in a more productive way.

I think it's a bit tricky because I'm assuming your MIL is doing you a favour by watching your LO and you're not paying her, so I'd be a little less comfortable saying "you cannot do this with your time when you're watching my baby for free" (unless of course it's something that compromises her safety).

Unless you're prepared to find other arrangements for your LO then I'd give your MIL some wiggle room with this. I would be talking to them about the crappy way they dealt with it, though.

 

[Bevziibubble]

The TV thing wouldn't bother me if it's only on in the background and lo isn't being placed in front of the TV to watch it.

But I would be very annoyed about the fact that they drilled holes in your wall so your mil could watch TV.

 

[george83]

Imo, most things are just fine in moderation. My LOs watch a little TV here and there, mostly when we watch family movies, and they are perfectly happy and healthy. I don't think any screen time in moderation is awful at all.

I would be much more and extremely upset about the fact that they completely disregarded your parenting wishes AND came into YOUR home and drilled through your walls. That is completely not okay.

Completely agree with this, how rude. Your the parent it should be your rules that are followed

 

[lau86]

The days The boys are out I watch a lot of tv. Honestly I don't know what else there is to do with a young baby especially when you're feeding them. She isn't watching it though. my other two I try to limit tv to an hour a day but sometimes it's easier than others. Personally I wouldn't be as strict as you are about it, but you've chosen this way for your child and your parents in law need to respect that. I would be so annoyed if someone had come and drilled walls in my home to mount a tv I didn't ask for. That's not on at all. If they can't do as you've asked they shouldn't be watching your child

 

[prettybirdy27]

Well, I will admit that when we first had her home, I watched a ton of tv while nursing her because I just plain didn't realize it's not recommended. But then at her 2 month checkup, it came up in passing, and my doctor told me that babies aren't supposed to be around tv until 2 years. My DH and I looked up the studies on it and made the decision at that point that we don't want her around tv. So I will admit, I did watch quite a bit around her in the beginning.

But I think it shouldn't matter that we did watch tv before, we set a rule for her and they are blatantly disrespecting it and rubbing it in our faces. The way they're going about it is what's making me more angry.

This is kind of an issue that's been simmering between us for a while too. We got a dog three years ago and they love to "puppy-sit" her - they take her for several days a week because they love her so much. From the beginning, we asked them to not give her people food, but then we noticed that she was gaining a ton of weight rapidly. We asked them about it, and they said "When she's in our house, it's our rules." DH backed down at that, but that just pissed me off, so I kept at him to confront them about it for years. He always balked, and the dog continued to gain weight. I told DH that they are going to do this exact same thing when we have a child, and he would never listen to me. Then one night when we were over there for dinner, I snapped when FIL put a pan down for the dog to lick out right in front of us and MIL admitted that she grates cheese on top of every meal they give her. Cheese! I lost it at them but at that point, I realized this is a battle I'm never going to win. Now the dog is hugely overweight, begs like crazy, and steals any food left out, and she never did any of that before. It has been my nightmare that they're going to go against our wishes for our daughter as well, and that nightmare is already coming true and I don't know what to do about it.

 

[KBCupcake]

We let our LO (6 mo) watch a babies' cartoon she really likes, I don't see the harm, she loves it. I don't think it's bad.

But if your boundaries are being violated that's a problem. I see that as a lack of respect. What other boundaries could they violate further down the line?

 

[d_b]

For a baby that age and TV just on in the background I don't think I'd mind. It's when they start paying attention to the TV that I'd get more concerned. But I agree the lack of respect is what's bad in this situation and it's likely to get worse as time goes on. Especially when your LO starts eating solids... I have a feeling you will not see eye-to-eye on feeding baby healthy foods. Can you afford a sitter or daycare?

 

[kellyc1987]

Same view as everyone else really I don't mind the TV on in the background but I don't purposely sit LO in front of it.

My mum sometimes has LO at my grans house and my grab has the TV on all day but I'm ok with that, I would expect her to respect my wishes if I wasn't ok with it. I wouldn't be happy with the way your in laws are acting

Edit: Forgot to add my LO doesn't really watch the TV, he mainly likes the theme tunes when shows are starting and will look up but then carry on playing with me or doing whatever he was before.

 

[Larkspur]

I have a slightly different view. TV under 2 isn't recommended for a variety of reasons and one of them is that even just having it on in the background has been significantly shown to decrease the amount of direct interaction with babies, especially in terms of talking to them, which is crucial for good language development.

The first two years is a time of massive brain growth. Eight hours a week of reduced interaction time might not seem like that much (assuming that's truly the amount the TV is on) but when you consider how much time babies sleep, it's actually a good chunk of their waking hours.

I personally wouldn't be happy with it, but perhaps you can just be conscious of making an extra effort with talking constantly to your baby when you're together to offset the TV time.

 

[Rainbow82]

We never have the tv on at home when LO is in the room but it doesn't bother me that other people have it on when we go round there. We have found that whenever also sees a tv that is switched on though it is almost impossible to distract him from it and it pees me off no end that MIL makes such a big deal about us trying to distract it from him and thinks we should just let him watch to all day like she does. This is just one of 100 reasons why she won't be looking after LO. Like you she did used to watch our dog occasionally but we found out they were feeding him bones from Sunday meat and other food and leaving him in the garden unsupervised after we asked them not to. We dont have them watch the dog now, we pay someone else to do it.
TBH in your situation as long as she is not sitting your lo on her knee to actually watch the tv but is playing with LO while it's on in the background I would let it go. That said I'd be super oissed off that she was drilling holes in your wall to watch it when she knew you didn't want her too. I'd also be annoyed she was taking also back to her house when you were expecting her to be at yours. Unless you are prepared to have someone else look after your LO unfortunately you are probably going to have to put up with it as she is doing you a favour but I understand how frustrating it is.

 

[loeylo]

Really - I'd be mad if someone drilled a hole in my wall without my consent and went behind my back to do something I had let them know I wasn't happy with.

In terms of TV, my baby is just under 5 months and she is quite intense in that she doesn't really nap, so she is definitely awake when our tv is on every single day! And she also actively turns round to see it. However, she goes to two different classes per week (soon to be four) she goes out in her pram for several hours every day, she goes in the sling and we go out a walk with the dog, we go swimming, she gets played with by both of us every day, spends time in her play gym and her jumperoo and has a baby massage most days. She is pretty much awake from 8am until 10pm aside from two half hour naps per day (sometimes longer if she decides to nap in her pram when we are out) - the colours and sounds amuse her on the TV. She needs constant stimulation therefore if sitting her in front of the tv for half an hour means I can have a cup of tea, a pee and do my makeup in peace then its not the end of the world.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

I watch TV (Netflix) when I nurse and while Zodi sleeps. Granted he is 2 weeks old and I imagine as he gets older I won't have much time or desire to watch TV, and be more inclined to go for walk and nurse outside.


I think it's BS they come to your house and modify it without your permission, I'd be furious! And personally I think it'd be better for MIL to actually engage with the baby instead of watching a screen--if she wants background noise put on a music channel!

As for screen time, I can imagine Zodi watching family movies with us but I'm not really pro-kids' television channels. TV floods the same dopamine receptors that are activated when a person takes copious amounts of opium and excessive exposure can inhibit many aspects of brain development like empathy, emotional and kinesthetic awareness, physical drive, attention span, and information processing

As PP have said, everything in moderation

 

[weedle]

Whilst I think drilling into your walls in an absolute no no, I think you're being harsh. She's not talking about plonking your LO in front of the tv for hours but having it on in the background for herself. Looking after babies I think is quite boring tbh and I have my tv on all day in the background. As long as she's playing and interacting with LO I honestly don't think you can dictate when it's free childcare. If you want something more specific you'd be better off paying for it.

 

[twobecome3]

drilling holes in the wall is a major over-step I think. that needs to be addressed.

 

[BunNtheOven]

My first daughter thought the TV was amazing until she was about 18 months old. And I took advantage of that to get stuff done around the house. After that, it's hard to even to get her to watch a simple TV show, she's too active and rather be outside playing. I wouldn't be concerned about it if I were you. I pay for a private preschool, a full time daycare and I have the occasional teenage girl babysitter down the road if I need her.

 

[JumpingIn]

My 9 month old watches Peppa and Dora occasionally, adores them, and it gives us both a rest from constant interaction. But your in laws are WAY out of line in disrespecting your wishes and drilling through your walls. Jeez!