How can I be happy about being pregnant when OH is like thiis

[xAmy]

Hi girls!

We've been together now for over 8 years and OH always wanted a baby. Just after valentines day I found out I was pregnant, it wasn't planned and I thought of all people OH would be excited now that he'll finally be a Dad like he always wanted but he's acting like a dick.. Every time I mention baby he'll quickly change the subject and tells me it's too early to talk about it or something along the lines and he gets annoyed, makes me so mad!

Last night while watching tv I tried to bring up baby and he hushed me saying i was interrupting what he was watching (the movie green mile which he's seen so many times) I just thought that talking about our baby was more important than the stupid movie, all I was even asking was how his mom reacted when he told her..

I really want to be excited and enjoy my pregnancy but with him acting like this it's hard, makes me feel like i shouldn't be pregnant. He told me last night that he won't have feelings for the baby until he sees the scan, that it's inside me so that's why I have an attatchment but he can't see or feel it so he doesn't, and making it out that i'm the one in the wrong for trying to talk about it when he doesn't want to. It resulted in me going to bed before him and when he came and joined me he didn't say a word (i didn't either) and he just got up and left for work today without saying anything.

It's upsetting because I don't have anyone else to talk to about it as i'm not telling anyone until after the first scan (in two weeks time).. I just want him to be enthusiastic and excited about it with me and instead I just have this feeling of dread.

Do you guys think i'm wrong for feeling like this?

 

[pinklizzy]

I don't think you are wrong to be feeling upset and disappointed that he is being like this but I also think it's a pretty common reaction (not that it makes it any easier to deal with!)
With our first, it wasn't planned at all and my OH was very shocked initially and didn't really want to talk about it or be very involved. Once we had our 12 week scan though and he saw that little baby dancing around on the screen, it suddenly all became 'real' to him and he was able to start bonding and feeling more included in the pregnancy.

 

[xAmy]

Thanks pinklizzy, I hope that's the case here too i'm just afraid that even when he does see baby he won't change.. Guess i'll just have to wait and see, I wish he'd just pretend for my sake that he's happy about it lol

 

[melfy77]

I think some men really have a hard time getting attached, because I you said, they don't carry the baby. But when he sees the baby moving on the screen he'll help, and trust me, the day he'll feel the baby kick, he will become very protective of you and your little one

 

[MummyToAmberx]

Sounds like a normal man reactions, some dont come around till baby is born.
Hang in there and enjoy your pregnancy.

 

[xSamantha]

That's really a shame that some men react this way. I guess I'm lucky in the fact that mine seems more excited about it than I am! We tested together, and he'd run over to check it because he wanted it so bad! And don't get me wrong, I'm very happy, too. But since I'm so early on, and haven't felt movement or anything, it still seems surreal to me that there is a baby in there.. Haha. But I've seen him/her, and I know it's there.. just haven't made the connection yet. When I find out gender, and get to start planning nursery and stuff, I'm sure I'll be much more excited.

 

[Zeri]

My DH was very iffy when I was pregnant with our 1st. When I showed him the test he didn't say anything - just looked up at me with this 'look' and then rolled over on the bed. He didn't acknowledge or talk about it for a good few weeks. I think it was because he was scared and apprehensive about having a baby. There was time when he didn't want children at all. Of course he loves our DD so much now, though. With this one - he was ready to try. But he still got that scared, apprehensive attitude for the first few weeks. He had concerns about me gaining weight, and the how messy the house would be, etc. It's like all his fears kicked in when I was pregnant, even though when we were ttc he was excited to make me pregnant.

I think it's normal for men to get scared of the changes a baby may bring. Plus it's difficult for them to get attached because they're not going through the bodily changes that we experience. I don't think you're overreacting at all. He's your partner and you should be able to talk to him about it....but maybe he's still processing things in your mind. Hopefully he will come around after your first scan. That should help in making it more real to him, and in bonding.

 

[mybbyboo]

Have you ever heard that saying moms become moms the second they find out there pregnant dads become dads when the baby is born. Yea... I'd be upset too but some men can really want it but get cold feet when it happens and it's hard for the to kno there's a baby in there cuz they don't feel symptoms or see a belly yet but still no reason for him to shut u down

 

[LovemyBubx]

My OH is like this as well it is upsetting & can make pregnancy feel a bit lonely. But he will come round. We just have to enjoy our pregnancy & enjoy our special little secret for now xx

 

[junbait]

 

[ParisJeTadore]

I'm sorry that your OH has been less than stellar about your pregnancy. It's true that some men have an adverse reaction when finding out their significant other is pregnant. Not saying this is the case with your OH but some men worry about how their life will change, will they have enough finances to provide...practical stuff like that.

My dh was happy but pretty indifferent for the whole of my last pregnancy. In fact, he didn't get excited in the least when I went for my 20 week ultrasound and said something on the lines of, "Yep, there's a baby in there!" To be entirely honest, he didn't really connect with our baby until he was several months old. Now, at 18 months, my husband adores our son in a way that melts my heart daily. Their bond is amazing and it's really fun to watch. I suspect the same will happen for you. Wishing you all the best

 

[jessmke]

My OH didn't want to talk about it until I was out of the first trimester. It wasn't that he didn't care or wasn't happy that I was pregnant, I think he just didn't want to get his hopes up in case I miscarried. Unfortunately just as he started acknowledging the pregnancy (saying things like we should go skiing again before I get too big, and buying orange juice with calcium for me, etc) I did have a miscarriage. We were both pretty upset, so now I think he'll be even more standoffish when we get pregnant again.

 

[KeepingHope12]

Guys don't react the way women do. With my 1st pregnancy, my husband was happy-ish. . . but indifferent. He wasn't as excited as I was (although he will swear he was.....pfft, no he wasn't.). He almost never talked about the baby until after our 20-week scan when we found out her gender. I think the ultrasound made it more real because he never took his eyes off the screen. Even after Grace was born, it took him a while to bond with her. As much as he won't admit it, he was intimidated and even a little scared of her. Now, she is 9 months old and guess who her favorite parent is? Daddy is! He is a great father and he loves her more than anything else. Don't worry, he will come around. It might take a while, but it will happen! Until then, enjoy your pregnancy. Don't let his insecurities make you any less happy. He will sort them out!

 

[Brightxeyes]

My boyfriend was very excited. Initially I couldn't read his thoughts and as you can imagine I was asking what he thought n how he felt but he soon became excited.

But. He gets his moments where I can tell he's thinking about it, or if I mention it. It's the 'omg' stare they do when it hits them it's real.

We've already had a seven week scan, which I think the true excitement will come out next Friday for my 12 week scan

I think that's when it starts to sink in, and then when you start growing, or he feels a kick. I think that's when he'll start his 'bond' with baby xxx

Try to speak to him. Maybe don't mention baby too much. Say he seems very quiet lately. Maybe you need a bit of time alone together to do something nice? Take his mind off it for a bit.

Let him ease into this. He's scared. Just like you may be. But boys struggle to talk about these things. Maybe find a website about becoming a dad for the first time. Keep the link open so he has a chance to read a bit may help xxx