How can I deal with "before" and "after" grief?

[superfrizbee]

My son is 9 months and has hemiplegia (cerebral palsy - a one sided weakness). Anyone who has seen my journal will know how amazingly he is doing and what a character he is! He is so cheerful, a real trooper and makes me so happy.

His hemiplegia came about after a stroke at 7 weeks old, as a result of severe bronchilitus and pneumonia. Despite how well he is doing I have a lot of grief when something reminds me of "before" when life was "normal". Photos for instance of his early weeks, or I just started crying when I saw the date on his birth certificate and remembered going to register him as a family. I want to feel happy when I see these things, not sad - what can I do to get past this?

 

[Thurinius]

Not sure if I can help but I understand. I cried yesterday when I found an old birthday card for my son's 2nd birthday. Because it was pre autism diagnosis when we had no idea there was anything wrong with him.
I get the same when I see photos of him as a smiley baby. I just remember all the things we thought he would do.
And now? Now we just don't know what he will be capable of or not.

Hugs to you.

 

[superfrizbee]

And to you hun x

 

[LoraLoo]

I've not been in your situation but I have lost a child and I have the before and after memories too. Whilst different, I think it's pRt of the 'grieving' process, and while it's painful, be assured it's completely normal and also important.
I guess in time the pain will ease some what but will always remain to an extent.
Lots of love x

 

[Peanut78]

Not sure if I can help but I understand. I cried yesterday when I found an old birthday card for my son's 2nd birthday. Because it was pre autism diagnosis when we had no idea there was anything wrong with him.
I get the same when I see photos of him as a smiley baby. I just remember all the things we thought he would do.
And now? Now we just don't know what he will be capable of or not.

Hugs to you.

This.

Although my son was born with his issues he wasn't diagnosed till he was 2 and we only started really suspecting anything at about 18 months, before then everything was 'normal'.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way--although it is different, I think I understand where you're coming from. Both our boys wear hearing aids, but they were only fitted in March (the baby) and April (the 5 year old) of this year.

I was watching old videos on the iPad the other day, and one of the baby came up when he was about four months old (2 months before his hearing aids.) He was just cooing and laughing and babbling, and I was getting such a kick out of it...until DH said, "It makes me sad he couldn't even hear himself there." : (

I don't know how to deal with it, but I can relate. Big hugs!