How did you tell your FOB he's not going on birth cert?

[bther]

Question as above.

Also, if he goes to court to contest it, would I be able to put my reasoning to the court for why it's not a good idea?

 

[jessrabbit]

My situation is FOB wants a DNA test, in order to do this LO needs to have the birth registered first. So this temporarily solves the problem for me.

When its proved its his, if he asks to go on the birth cert then I will ask him for a residency order in exchange for this.

Not sure what your situation is or if this helps in any way but didnt want to read and run. Problem in the UK is putting them on the birth cert automatically gives them parental responsibility which they havent necessarily earnt.

Depending on your situation you could always argue you wanted residency etc settled before putting FOB on the birth cert xxx

 

[bther]

That's a really good idea if he kicks up a stink. I don't know whether to go ahead and register the baby and tell him afterwards or be upfront about it. I'm more concerned about his parents reactions although I know that by him not being on there from the outset is best for my baby.

How do you go about getting a residency order?

 

[CelticStar]

Personally I'd tell FOB afterwards, that way it's already done.

 

[littlelinnies]

tell him after! lol thats what i did! also i got a dna before he was registered. so dont be fooled into signing anything.

 

[truthbtold]

Just curious why you wouldnt want the father listed on the bc?

I didnt have my father listed on mine until I was 25 years old I always felt horrible having a blank space where a father should be. Im not posting this to judge because I have been a single mom for 7 years, but unless there is some domestic abuse involved the father also has rights that he may very well fight for.

 

[littlelinnies]

Just curious why you wouldnt want the father listed on the bc?

I didnt have my father listed on mine until I was 25 years old I always felt horrible having a blank space where a father should be. Im not posting this to judge because I have been a single mom for 7 years, but unless there is some domestic abuse involved the father also has rights that he may very well fight for.

Its not that simple! i now what your saying and in a nice world it would bbe lovely for the fathers name to be on there.. but when your dealing with someone like my ex, I dont want hes name on there, he isnt a good dad, he treats me and freddy like rubbish and i wouldnt want him to have power he doesnt deserve...

 

[truthbtold]

Maybe the laws in the UK and different to laws involving paternity and rights in the US. My sons fathers name is on the birth certificate but he really has no rights. The most he could do is pick him and and not bring him back but he is too lazy for that type of responsibilty. But why not go to court an establish rights before the child is born or can you not do that in other countries.

 

[littlelinnies]

no if your married or you put the mans name on the birth cerf hes got 50% rights same as you, so he could come into your home at 2am take your kid, say nothing and thats nott kidnap! because hes an equal parent.. you'd have to go to court to get your kid back.. i'm not giving my ex these rights...

 

[bther]

I don't really want to go into my situation on a public forum but the reasons are definitely justifiable. He can be added at a later date should things improve but until then, I don't want him having equal rights when he is like he is at the moment.

 

[Snowball]

I said, "I'm not putting you on because I don't trust you and you have hardly paid any attention to him since he's been here". I also have other justifiable reasons however if he went to court I wouldn't have a leg to stand on DNAwise. So in theory he could get his name on there regardless quite easily but I don't think he should be because of what he put me through when I found out I was pregnant... As someone said to me the other day, the law is screwed up

 

[jessrabbit]

Good luck, let us know how you get on, you can always inbox me if you want, be interested to see how you get on, I'm a good few weeks behind you, but looks like you will be fighting the battle before me xx

 

[SophiasMummy]

I didnt tell him just went and registered her by myself, tbh I waited 2 weeks to see if he would come and see her first esp as she was really ill in hospital for the first 5 days but he didnt bother so there was no way I was giving him any parental rights x

 

[bther]

Thank you everyone. If he does kick up a fuss and go to court (very unlikely he will but I think his parents may kick up a stink instead), I don't want it to look badly on me. I'm not denying him access, he can see the baby if he wants but on my terms (I.e. Not spend days at mine, couple of hours a couple of days a week initially, if he wants). I've offered the very occasional overnight stay if he wants and I'm happy to crash at his mum's place so the other grandparents can have a bit of involvement. It's all up to them though. I think I'm being reasonable, but then I of course am prejudice!

 

[lily2011]

It is quite different in the US. I am doing everything I can to add FOB to the birth certificate, because I just want my daughter to know who her father is. But I cannot add him until we get a DNA test, since he will not sign the affidavit of paternity. So I set that up, hopefully he will oblige, if not the courts will make him. But this does not give him any rights right off the bat. All it does is allow me to get child support from him, and if he really wanted to, he could seek visitation, which I'd be fine with, but quite frankly, he probably won't anyways.

I think that's awful that just because you add his name he suddenly has all these rights! It's interesting how it works so differently depending on where you live.

 

[mommy2baby2]

Unless you are married, he doesn't go on the birth certificate unless he signs it. and unless you both agree, just your name will be listed.

If he's the adamant type, wait until he's gone and not near you to fill out and submit the paperwork

 

[NicolleM.T.B.]

I don't have my dad on my birth cert and I hated it. I do not understand why anyone would want to leave their child's father blank on their birth cert. How bloody likely is it that everyone of the 'dad's that you lot are talking about on here are honestly going to run off with the children? I think its really sad and out of order, and I am a single parent, my FOB wasn't there through my pregnancy but has fully stepped up since she was born. :Like someone else said, unless there's been actual violence or FOB has a history of violence or drugs there's no need to withold parental rights from them. I wonder how many fathers 'abduct' their children :/

 

[littlelinnies]

I don't have my dad on my birth cert and I hated it. I do not understand why anyone would want to leave their child's father blank on their birth cert. How bloody likely is it that everyone of the 'dad's that you lot are talking about on here are honestly going to run off with the children? I think its really sad and out of order, and I am a single parent, my FOB wasn't there through my pregnancy but has fully stepped up since she was born. :Like someone else said, unless there's been actual violence or FOB has a history of violence or drugs there's no need to withold parental rights from them. I wonder how many fathers 'abduct' their children :/

I think unless you have been in a sitution like mine and dealt with the kind of person i'm dealing with then you dont understand at all, i would personally have been a bad mother to allow this guy to have rights he simply doesnt deserve... i'm sorry but things arent that black and white. yes it would be lovely to have the father on the birth cerficate, but what really does it do to affect your life simply not having your fathers name on your birth cerficate? as it its not like i'm not going to tell freddy about hes dad and who is dad is! but it could be seriously affect my son's life if i have to contuine to allow him to mess freddy around when I dont have to.. because if he doesnt change, because he doesnt have any rights, he wont be seein freddy again to carry on letting him down.. and how can you judge when you wont be the one sitting there comforting freddy while hes crying because hes dad couldnt be bothered again... and say i died.. hes own dad is going to give him up for adoption.. you think this person deserves rights??

 

[littlelinnies]

I don't have my dad on my birth cert and I hated it. I do not understand why anyone would want to leave their child's father blank on their birth cert. How bloody likely is it that everyone of the 'dad's that you lot are talking about on here are honestly going to run off with the children? I think its really sad and out of order, and I am a single parent, my FOB wasn't there through my pregnancy but has fully stepped up since she was born. :Like someone else said, unless there's been actual violence or FOB has a history of violence or drugs there's no need to withold parental rights from them. I wonder how many fathers 'abduct' their children :/

if they were good fathers or had made it clear they wanted to be there for their child then we would be asking these questions.

 

[Novbaby08]

With my fob I just simply didn't put him on, he was so mad when he found out and that I had given her my last name. there was nothing he could do. Its the legal name I chose to give my daughter, so it is her name. As for being on, Its up to you, your not required to put them on.