How do I get rid of my anger and hurt?

[winbig82]

My ex begged me to have his baby for years, I had her on NYE 2011, he was great for the first few weeks but that was it - He then started going out more and more until it got to the point where I saw him for maybe an hour a day!!He went 5 days without seeing his daughter and that was with us living together.

He had started taking cocaine!! He went out around 3/4pm, would get in at 7/8am, sleep till 2/3pm - It started at weekends and then became every day - Then id get up with my LG and he would be sat in the living room with a mate trying to hide whatever they were doing!! This is when I went snooping and found a straw filled with white powder which was left within reach of my LG!! He then sold his car and spent £300 in a day - This is with him having no job and leaving me to pay for everything day in day out, to this day he has still never given our daughter anything!! He came home the next evening and demanded £20 off me

I just packed our bags and left - He knew I had had enough, I told him over and over I wasnt happy, just kept saying he would stop when he started his new job (which he has now started but hasnt stopped)

I left him about 8wks ago, hes seen Holly 3 times, still begging us to get back together but still off his tits on drugs every weekend - I dont want to get back with him but I know I still love him, it makes me so angry that hes out when he wants with who he wants and im stuck here with his baby, I love the bones of my little girl but its not fair that hes done this to me, I havent told anyone how I feel, I sit and cry all the time when I think about my situation - I just want to stop resenting him and be happy with my life - Im super happy being with my LG, I just know im never gonna be able to go out and meet anyone again like he can, im gonna be so lonely and he can swan around without a care in the world, I dont even think Id want it to be the other way round but id liked to have been able to have that choice if you know what I mean :'''o(

I want to write down exactly what hes done to me in the last 7 months and show the whole world it - What ive said here is the tip of the iceberg but im not like that, im on Facebook but I dont air my dirty laundry ever so noone has a clue xx

Sorry for going on, theres so much going round in my head ive just kinda blurted it all out xxx

 

[Jade--x]

Aww hun 8 weeks is still really early you're bound to still feel hurt/angry/upset. It takes some time but it does get easier. And you will meet someone else someone so much better who deserves you and your little girl.x

 

[resursval]

My ex begged me to have his baby for years, I had her on NYE 2011, he was great for the first few weeks but that was it - He then started going out more and more until it got to the point where I saw him for maybe an hour a day!!He went 5 days without seeing his daughter and that was with us living together.

He had started taking cocaine!! He went out around 3/4pm, would get in at 7/8am, sleep till 2/3pm - It started at weekends and then became every day - Then id get up with my LG and he would be sat in the living room with a mate trying to hide whatever they were doing!! This is when I went snooping and found a straw filled with white powder which was left within reach of my LG!! He then sold his car and spent £300 in a day - This is with him having no job and leaving me to pay for everything day in day out, to this day he has still never given our daughter anything!! He came home the next evening and demanded £20 off me

I just packed our bags and left - He knew I had had enough, I told him over and over I wasnt happy, just kept saying he would stop when he started his new job (which he has now started but hasnt stopped)

I left him about 8wks ago, hes seen Holly 3 times, still begging us to get back together but still off his tits on drugs every weekend - I dont want to get back with him but I know I still love him, it makes me so angry that hes out when he wants with who he wants and im stuck here with his baby, I love the bones of my little girl but its not fair that hes done this to me, I havent told anyone how I feel, I sit and cry all the time when I think about my situation - I just want to stop resenting him and be happy with my life - Im super happy being with my LG, I just know im never gonna be able to go out and meet anyone again like he can, im gonna be so lonely and he can swan around without a care in the world, I dont even think Id want it to be the other way round but id liked to have been able to have that choice if you know what I mean :'''o(

I want to write down exactly what hes done to me in the last 7 months and show the whole world it - What ive said here is the tip of the iceberg but im not like that, im on Facebook but I dont air my dirty laundry ever so noone has a clue xx

Sorry for going on, theres so much going round in my head ive just kinda blurted it all out xxx

I'm so happy I feel no anger towards my FOB even though he treated me very badly.
I have no suggestion other than to think of that without him you wouldn't have your daughter.

 

[Dezireey]

My situation is similar to yours except my FOB of 3 years never wanted kids but just didnt do anything himself about not having them and I was told by two doctors I couldnt have kids, so we were both caught unawares. He dumped me within a week of telling him I was keeping the baby and basically gave me an ultimatum, him or my baby. So, being 38 and realising i might not have another chance again but he might if he changed his mind, I went ahead and kept my boy. He immediately blocked me off facebook, I'm guessing because he was petrified I would tell all his new work colleagues and some of his new friends etc. I am currently going through a tough time with him. I have given him an ultimatum now (pay up with some help or its CSA ) I was and still am angry by it all. To be honest, the way he behaves is totally loopy. It's akin to a great friend or partner coming straight up to you, punching you in the face and then acting all nonchalant about it and then being surprised that you are being totally unreasonable and asking 'why the F did they just do that? He seems to think 'why are we always arguing?, we dont need to fall out? why are you having a go at me? WTF?? he left me with a baby and pregnant, never asked how I was, never asked about his kid, never came to the birth. He's crazy and yes, like you I wonder when the hurt and anger will go away. The truth is, it won't but it will feel better and eventually it will be something that just raises its head less and less.

 

[jaimers]

Oh my goodness do I know how you feel! Our situation's are pretty similar, if you have a chance read the thread I started "Desperately seeking marital advice". The part you said about how you probably wouldn't want to be out all of the time like he is, but you'd like to have the choice; I swear I've said the exact same thing to my husband soooo many times! It is so hard being a new mom and dealing with the HUGE change that is and adjusting to it, then our partners bail on us and we have to adjust to being SINGLE moms at the same time! It's very hard not to be bitter and resentful when you feel like you literally have no time for yourself and would kill for 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep and they are getting 12! Or how you have to literally plan all day just to be able to shower for work but they can play video games or go out with friends. I can't really give advice on how to get rid of the anger/hurt, because I'm in the same boat as you and I'm just hoping that by distancing myself from the situation, those feelings will lessen. I also remind myself that I have the best part of my partner in my daughter, and it really is going to be his loss in the long run because he is missing so much of her life and he will never get this time back. Good luck with everything, and even though it's very hard not to, don't let your anger/hurt/bitterness affect the way you treat your child. I've had to catch myself many times when I'm getting woken up for the fourth time in a night and I think about hubs sleeping away and tell myself that its not my daughter's fault her Daddy is an a**hole and she is just a baby who has needs that need to be met. I'm learning the hardest struggle of being a single mother is being torn between NEEDING time to yourself to keep your sanity and WANTING to spend every spare second with your child. That's something I struggle with every single day. If you ever need anyone to talk to, message me.

 

[teal]

You've been so amazingly strong for getting you and your LO out of that situation. The anger and the hurt won't always feel this strong. I still sometimes feel angry but nowhere near as bad as I did. There will reach a point where you'll accept that if it wasn't for a horrible ex you wouldn't have your wonderful child xx